senior day haiku

Craig Roh

A leaf blows in fall
Tasting each position once
Time to duck, Martinez

Will Campbell

These days people who
are not Thomas Gordon say
"Get off of me, please"

Jordan Kovacs

A man from nowhere
is the safety blanket for
a hundred thousand

Kenny Demens

As Northwestern died
they must have thought "ouch" and
"my god, sweet mustache"

JT Floyd

Sorry about things said
two years ago, low and mean
Mattison saves all

Brandin Hawthorne

We'll always have that
Purdue hash to hash zone drop
and a kickoff hold

Brandon Moore

Must be a good guy
to get Kramer's eighty-seven
time to make stories

Vincent Smith

Meet mini-Gandalf:
finger-gun Balrog LB,
state YOU SHALL NOT PASS

Elliott Mealer

The measure of man:
how many squirrels can live
in your face, repos'd

Ricky Barnum

Stayed through some things
that would have made most depart
and we needed him to

Patrick Omameh

This dance goes one way
two hearts meet at Notre Dame
Te'o's goes backwards

Mike Kwiatkowski

Not a walk-on, no
A scientist of brains, yes
And blocker of sweeps

[UPDATE: so I forgot Roy Roundtree.

Roy Roundtree

Joe Tiller quivers
in walrus rage as Roundtree
waves an arm, alone

]

Denard Robinson

I had been in the desert for some time, lost and directionless. The sun was relentless. A deadly thirst stalked me. I had not accepted the grisly fate which awaited me but was powerless to change it.

On the fifth night—possibly the sixth—a breeze arose. It was cool and dewy. I savored it for a time, then step by step it led me home.

Upchurch

I should point you to Seth's three-part senior goodbyes, which are far better than these goofy haiku and reminded me there is a "tloy wolfork" tag. Haikus not guaranteed to be 5-7-5 but I tried.

Mark Huyge

Nuclear winter's
survivors are few and wan
cockroaches, Huyge

Steve Watson

This year's Jack Shaftoe
The king of the vagabonds
Hair of Norse legend

Brandon Herron

Two touchdowns, one game
then detached, floating to ground
a serene finish

Ryan Van Bergen

Axes ring, crash and thump
Poplars topple, maples fall
Van Bergen stands, still

David Molk

Fall takes leaves from trees
and leaves defensive tackle
face down, defeated

John McColgan

Spread fullback in bloom
Your existential crisis
will be no problem

Will Heininger

The Mini-Kovacs
Except insofar as he's
the Maxi-Kovacs

Jared Van Slyke

Things can be worse than
saying "yes, yes, that Van Slyke":
Michael Jackson's kid

Troy Woolfolk

Ankle, wrist, ankle
people who call you "Woolfork"
TWoolf ain't easy

Junior Hemingway

Throw it up, way up
in clouds a man emerges
hands grasping his prize

Kelvin Grady

Suns collide, stars burst
the duality of man
Grady wallpaper

Kevin Koger

Picked M over O
In a rare, rare time for that
Payoff Saturday

Mike Martin

The earth moves in waves
There is a man, then a gap,
then there is nothing

JB Fitzgerald

To take the fail rays
Head on for four of five years
Invincible now

Michael Shaw

BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE
occasionally jet straight
BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE

Martavious Odoms

The first mountain goat
Survived Northwestern '08
Headbutts victory

Tom Pomarico

So, I hear you're a
Long snapper. How's that going?
Cool, cool. I am a—

An annual tradition. Special bonus this year: holy pants there are no seniors. Usually I skip a bunch of anonymous walk-ons who never saw the field unless they have a silly name; this year this is it.

  Martell Webb

It goes thump. Sometimes
it catches or drops a pass.
Mostly it goes thump.

Perry Dorrestein

Bad back, outed grades
but through it all a kickin'
Punisher tattoo

Steve Schilling

Been around forever
Witnessed the Horror up close
Football purple heart

John Ferrara

Thrown into the fire
just two weeks after switching
'08: the nutshell

Adam Patterson

One last swing hits sod
A shaft of daylight strikes down
Hello two deep

Renaldo Sagesse

Hurling hockey kids,
the largest man in Quebec came
and he was all right

Greg Banks

Took the Moosman crown
as player most likely to
impress your TA

Obi Ezeh

Why did you tattoo
"Stand around, think about plants"
across your torso?

BONUS NOT MEAN HAIKU

Like Schilling, lived
through every last awful bit
and never complained

Jonas Mouton

The west wind in fall
brings everything, and then
takes everything

Mark Moundros

Walk-on captains are
intimidatingly bald
pretty much always

James Rogers

The last vagabond
a-wander from spot to spot:
Dread Pirate Rogers

COMMENCE THE SYLLABLE COUNTING.

A silly MGoBlog tradition.

Note: a number of seniors with eligibility remaining are omitted; I included the Coner because he's probably not going to get a fifth year and he must have a haiku.

Brandon Graham

Sisyphus in pads
thunders through endless legions 
third and long again

 Stevie Brown

aw, hell, you're all right
sorry about that dong joke
after the Horror

Greg Mathews

Worst luck at QB
in Michigan history
I guess that's life, man

Mark Ortmann

The faint annoyance
was the right way to handle
Freep jihad PC

David Moosman

too bad you never
played next to Rocko:
"Moos and squirrel"

Kevin Grady

We will always have
That Indiana game in
Two thousand and four

Brandon Minor

In this instance, I must defer:

RAGE! RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE!
RAGE, JUKE, RAGE! RAGE! RAGE! RAGE! RAGE!
My everything hurts.

Carlos Brown

If you didn't fall
when winter breathes on your foot 
you'd be a ninja

Laterryal Savoy

No offense, good sir
But I think I'd rather have
had DeSean Jackson

Jason Olesnavage

spring's blossoms were grim
but fall had competency
extra point: dang, man

Zoltan Mesko

the high arc of time
will record you as greatest
human(?) ever born

Ricky Reyes

Punt block, Feagin thing
Plus Cone nailed you on two seams
A career in sum 

Ohene Opong-Owusu

I did this before:
Ohene Opong-Owu-
su. Your name is long.

David Cone(?)

lyrical master
bomb-dropping fourth string QB
the coner, always

Reviving a tradition I did not execute last year: haikus for the graduating scholarship seniors, and other notables. Those with remaining eligibility are omitted.

Mike Massey

You'll probably be
a fancy suit stock broker
so it's not all bad

Will Johnson

Centers never knew
they could be so afraid of
a balding tackle

Tim Jamison

In your younger days
I thought you would be a ninja
or maybe a bear

Charles Stewart

Suggest you cover
deep routes in life, so, like
get health insurance

Morgan Trent

Bet it's annoying
that everyone says you have
a smoking hot mom

Brandon Harrison

You committed to
Tyrone Willingham, which, like
makes you a rare bird

Jason Gingell

No one blames you, man
we all know Crable messed up
if that helps any. No?

Brandon Logan

That Kentucky raid
you played the most from it
it didn't work out

Johnny Thompson

There are worse things than
having an awesome nickname
like "The Machete"

Ohene Opong-Owusu

Did you know  your name,
Ohene Opong-Owu-
su, doesn't fit here?

Austin Panter

You'll be a footnote
"First M JUCO in ten years"
So congrats I guess

Terrance Taylor

What do you get when
you cross a bear, a hydrant,
and a six foot smile?

KC Lopata

Kicking competency
is underrated these days
but I recall Brabbs

UPDATE: (whoops!)

Doug Dutch

Small, nimble slot guy
You showed at Michigan
four years too early

Tomorrow being senior day, MGoBlog presents haiku in commemoration of those graduating. You might want to get a box of kleenex for this. Make it two.

#3, P Ross Ryan
Once I thought you were
Kevin Grady but no more
As you hit harder

#4, CB Darnell Hood
Somebody dug up
Your modeling pictures
In brief: sex miner

#6, LB Prescott Burgess
We're all glad Clarett
Stole your girlfriend, no offense
Because you now kick ass

#9, S Anton Campbell
Hey: kickoff coverage
Is the noble art of speed
Applied to face masks

#15, WR Steve Breaston
A wind through the trees
Line-drive punt tumbling earthward
Who would need a seat?

(Addendum: BLOCK THE DAMN GUNNERS.)

#17, WR Carl Tabb
'03: Avant out,
Tabb in, converting third downs.
And you're still fast.

#19, S Willis Barringer
What's wrong with your hand?
I mean, I'm seriously:
It's always broken.

#24, RB Jerome Jackson
Many lives pass without
Plunging in overtime endzone
Claiming victory.

#26, RB Alijah Bradley
You're really, really
really, really, really, real-
-ly, really quite short.

#29, CB Leon Hall
Too bad re: Woodson
Otherwise "Best corner since?"
Would be a debate.

#35, TE Brian Thompson
Reach down, snatch the ball
Hidden cog in Braylonfest
So, yeah, thanks for that

#38, ST BJ Opong-Owusu
Hey, did you know this?
BJ Opong-Owusu
An entire line

#38, K Garrett Rivas
Well, compared to
The Brabbs/Neinberg/Finley year
You're more than all right

#40, FB Obi Oluigbo
When you're coming through
Linebackers should know better
And run far away

#45, LB David Harris
On one of these days
You are going to kill someone
I'm okay with that

#50, DE Jeremy Van Alstyne
You've got Barringer's
Hands in your knees, so it's hard
to play much football

#54, C Mark Bihl
I can't think about you
Without seeing a bloody
newborn cow. So... yeah.

#56, DE Lamarr Woodley
If you were to sack
A QB with eye lasers
Only mild surprise here

#61, LS Turner Booth
You're the long snapper
I've never thought about you
Therefore: good job, Booth

#72, OT Rueben Riley
Guard? Tackle? Neither?
Say both, focus on Riley
Does what Lloyd Carr needs

#76, OT Mike Kolodziej
Sorry about the
Whatever it was. So weird.
Enjoy life despite

#89, TE Tyler Ecker
Leaping grabs, missed blocks
You can't have everything
Heal that ankle soon

#91, DE Rondell Biggs
Biggs: the anti-Watson
Arrives: nothing; leaves: starter
By sheer force of will

Have any of your own? Fire away.