senior day haiku

Craig Roh

A leaf blows in fall
Tasting each position once
Time to duck, Martinez

Will Campbell

These days people who
are not Thomas Gordon say
"Get off of me, please"

Jordan Kovacs

A man from nowhere
is the safety blanket for
a hundred thousand

Kenny Demens

As Northwestern died
they must have thought "ouch" and
"my god, sweet mustache"

JT Floyd

Sorry about things said
two years ago, low and mean
Mattison saves all

Brandin Hawthorne

We'll always have that
Purdue hash to hash zone drop
and a kickoff hold

Brandon Moore

Must be a good guy
to get Kramer's eighty-seven
time to make stories

Vincent Smith

Meet mini-Gandalf:
finger-gun Balrog LB,
state YOU SHALL NOT PASS

Elliott Mealer

The measure of man:
how many squirrels can live
in your face, repos'd

Ricky Barnum

Stayed through some things
that would have made most depart
and we needed him to

Patrick Omameh

This dance goes one way
two hearts meet at Notre Dame
Te'o's goes backwards

Mike Kwiatkowski

Not a walk-on, no
A scientist of brains, yes
And blocker of sweeps

[UPDATE: so I forgot Roy Roundtree.

Roy Roundtree

Joe Tiller quivers
in walrus rage as Roundtree
waves an arm, alone

]

Denard Robinson

I had been in the desert for some time, lost and directionless. The sun was relentless. A deadly thirst stalked me. I had not accepted the grisly fate which awaited me but was powerless to change it.

On the fifth night—possibly the sixth—a breeze arose. It was cool and dewy. I savored it for a time, then step by step it led me home.

Upchurch

I should point you to Seth's three-part senior goodbyes, which are far better than these goofy haiku and reminded me there is a "tloy wolfork" tag. Haikus not guaranteed to be 5-7-5 but I tried.

Mark Huyge

Nuclear winter's
survivors are few and wan
cockroaches, Huyge

Steve Watson

This year's Jack Shaftoe
The king of the vagabonds
Hair of Norse legend

Brandon Herron

Two touchdowns, one game
then detached, floating to ground
a serene finish

Ryan Van Bergen

Axes ring, crash and thump
Poplars topple, maples fall
Van Bergen stands, still

David Molk

Fall takes leaves from trees
and leaves defensive tackle
face down, defeated

John McColgan

Spread fullback in bloom
Your existential crisis
will be no problem

Will Heininger

The Mini-Kovacs
Except insofar as he's
the Maxi-Kovacs

Jared Van Slyke

Things can be worse than
saying "yes, yes, that Van Slyke":
Michael Jackson's kid

Troy Woolfolk

Ankle, wrist, ankle
people who call you "Woolfork"
TWoolf ain't easy

Junior Hemingway

Throw it up, way up
in clouds a man emerges
hands grasping his prize

Kelvin Grady

Suns collide, stars burst
the duality of man
Grady wallpaper

Kevin Koger

Picked M over O
In a rare, rare time for that
Payoff Saturday

Mike Martin

The earth moves in waves
There is a man, then a gap,
then there is nothing

JB Fitzgerald

To take the fail rays
Head on for four of five years
Invincible now

Michael Shaw

BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE
occasionally jet straight
BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE

Martavious Odoms

The first mountain goat
Survived Northwestern '08
Headbutts victory

Tom Pomarico

So, I hear you're a
Long snapper. How's that going?
Cool, cool. I am a—

An annual tradition. Special bonus this year: holy pants there are no seniors. Usually I skip a bunch of anonymous walk-ons who never saw the field unless they have a silly name; this year this is it.

  Martell Webb

It goes thump. Sometimes
it catches or drops a pass.
Mostly it goes thump.

Perry Dorrestein

Bad back, outed grades
but through it all a kickin'
Punisher tattoo

Steve Schilling

Been around forever
Witnessed the Horror up close
Football purple heart

John Ferrara

Thrown into the fire
just two weeks after switching
'08: the nutshell

Adam Patterson

One last swing hits sod
A shaft of daylight strikes down
Hello two deep

Renaldo Sagesse

Hurling hockey kids,
the largest man in Quebec came
and he was all right

Greg Banks

Took the Moosman crown
as player most likely to
impress your TA

Obi Ezeh

Why did you tattoo
"Stand around, think about plants"
across your torso?

BONUS NOT MEAN HAIKU

Like Schilling, lived
through every last awful bit
and never complained

Jonas Mouton

The west wind in fall
brings everything, and then
takes everything

Mark Moundros

Walk-on captains are
intimidatingly bald
pretty much always

James Rogers

The last vagabond
a-wander from spot to spot:
Dread Pirate Rogers

COMMENCE THE SYLLABLE COUNTING.