"He's been in Tennessee, he could've impregnated a raccoon, we don't know. We gotta check."

"I have my coffee, you have your diet Coke, and Seth has his jug of Kool-Aid."

"They're NIMBY'ing the alleys where people throw up after going to Rick's"

"I am the commissioner of the Gimmicky Top Five and I have declared that your #2 pick is now property of the Dave Ravens. The Davens."

"You gotta give the double birds in your own home stadium."

"The Malört of punting. You know, it looks ugly but it'll get you there."

"One of the guys in the room started talking shit about Keith Jackson, and you were getting dangerously close to talking shit about Keith Jackson."

"They're better at being Iowa than Iowa."

"We couldn't use a wrist band because some of us can't read."

"Doesn't seem like a healthy relationship."