i be like dang

[Barron/MGoBlog]

Bill Connelly used a photo from the Michigan-Rutgers game to head his Week Six Five Factors box scores, and it’s not hard to see why. Scrolling across the stats will lead to either your jaw dropping or some guttural chuckle, or maybe both: Rutgers averaged 0.28 yards per play, had one scoring opportunity (read: had the ball inside Michigan’s 40), got zero points off that opportunity, and had a Success Rate of 11%. Michigan’s offense averaged 8.11 yards per play, had 11 scoring opportunities, averaged 7.00 points per opportunity, and had a Success Rate of 55%. Rutgers had 17 drives to Michigan’s 18. Sometimes things really are as lopsided as the final score indicates.

ESPN’s Football Power Index took note, as Michigan now holds the top overall spot in FPI. ESPN says that FPI “represents how many points above or below average a team is.” Michigan’s 1.8 points better than the next nearest team (Alabama), and they’re 2.5 points better than Ohio State. One dominant game over Rutgers really boosted Michigan’s stock in the eyes of ESPN, as their chance at winning out rocketed from 16.6% to 34.2%, and their chance of winning the conference jumped from 30.8% to 49.5%. ESPN also predicts Michigan will win 11.8 games.

The season outlook wouldn’t be nearly as shiny if the offense wasn’t above average, but it’s no secret that the defense is performing at a level we haven’t seen in quite a while and driving the numbers up. There is literally no section of Connelly’s advanced stats profile where Michigan’s defense isn’t ranked first nationally in some category. The defense is even ranked first in two of Connely’s Five Factors. I decided to take a closer look at passing downs defense this week because it has been exceptional, but at this point the defense is so good that I don’t have to dig through specific categories for something to discuss so much as rotate through them. This week, the visual representation of the defense’s dominance is as sharp as it’s been in the last two seasons; before you read anything below, you can scroll through the graphs and see exactly what I mean.

[After THE JUMP: Connelly’s Five Factors and a closer look at passing downs defense]

Between game-winners, Showtime-esque fast breaks, the alley-oop bonanza, and the many other plays of note from Purdue and Minnesota, OFAAT is split into two parts. Part one belongs to Glenn Robinson III.

GRIII dunk photo via @umichbball

Glenn Robinson's alley-oop finish over two Minnesota players elicited reactions normally reserved for Cirque du Soleil, the Top Thrill Dragster, or the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The above screencaps come from one replay of GRIII's slam. So does this:

The man on the left reacts to this spectacular feat with a golf clap. The woman on the right is... dead? Even her reserved husband(?) appears concerned:

"Honey? Honey? ... Well, it was a hell of a way to go."

Keep this clearly deceased woman in your thoughts as you watch GRIII inflict pain and suffering upon all who dare cross his path, after the jump.

[JUMP, but not as high as GRIII or your knees will literally explode into a confetti of ligaments and bone shards.]

Jabrill Peppers and his Paramus Catholic squad scrimmaged against Red Bank Catholic today. I don't know the final score, nor do I care, because HOLY MOTHER OF GOD LOOK AT THIS RUN:

[Video version here for the GIF-averse.]

A smattering of Twitter reactions that didn't contain totally-justified expletives:

@AceAnbender @JabrillPeppers Should be on Sesame Street. NINE broken tackles! One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine!

— Paul Bloem (@pnbloem) August 27, 2013

NOT FAIR. RT @AceAnbender: GIF of that absurd, video-game-in-real-life TD run by @JabrillPeppers: http://t.co/4QGGV79bOb

— Adam Jacobi (@Adam_Jacobi) August 27, 2013

Ridiculous! RT @AceAnbender: GIF of that video-game-in-real-life TD run by @JabrillPeppers: http://t.co/vRBuIHUVku

— Sam Monson (@PFF_Sam) August 27, 2013

OH MY SCIENCE #team135 RT @AceAnbender: GIF of that absurd, video-game-in-real-life TD run by @JabrillPeppers: http://t.co/QlJv0B4QF2

— Jake Smith (@smithjb) August 27, 2013

247's JC Shurburtt went so far as to suggest that Michigan should play Peppers at running back, even with the presence of Derrick Green on the roster. If you've got the time, our whole conversation is worth checking out:

@AceAnbender I think he's worlds better than Green and Green/Smith could compliment him well in a two-back Brown/Cadillac/Borges deal.

— JC Shurburtt (@jcshurburtt) August 27, 2013

Anyway, just wanted to post that our cornerback recruit—whose next-best position is supposedly safety, followed by wide receiver—just broke the internet as a running back. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

UPDATE: Slow-motion with me...

From the top: Broken tackle, immediate juke right, juke left, dip shoulder, broken tackle, stiffarm(!), reverse field (time elapsed: 3.3 seconds thus far), broken tackle, spin move, spin move, spin move to break tackle, stiffarm, waltz into end zone. All of that happened in 8.5 seconds. I keep trying to write words and then get distracted by the pictures, so I'll just stop trying and let you do the same.