What's that? | A starting tailback? | For me? | You guys!
Hey coach, they say it's your birthday. Brady Hoke yesterday turned a chipper 53. Born in 1958 in Dayton, Ohio, to a father who played along side Bo, from an early age Brady reportedly called for his bottle by raising a fist from his crib and crying "hail!" Other than that one running back he's always wanted, Brady gets the undying love and devotion of the Michigan fanbase, until such time as he loses to Ohio State, which cannot happen because Ohio State no longer exists. We'll come back to the board but first, diaries:
The Mathlete's Mid-Week Metrics are all official now but this greatest diarist of all time can still put up a Diary of the Week on the side to weight the chances of various Big Ten Championship hopefuls. Michigan's less than a 10 to 1; we're rooting for MSU to lose out while the Spartans want Michigan to win out. Yeah, that's about as screwed up as dreaming about going to Indianapolis. Remember when you could beat Ohio State, stick a rose in your teeth, and book a flight to Pasadena? That will never happen again. Because Ohio State doesn't exist anymore.
BlueSeoul had another great Game Wrap, though I could have done without the characterization of Hoke and co. as a return to Lloydball:
And then I realized, it's not about da shoes. The thing that changed was me. I'm ready to go back to 9-3 season's again. I'm willing to tolerate 8-4 years if they're balanced with 10-2. I might even be able to stomach the very infrequent 7-5 year if it's offset with a couple 11-1's and 12-0's. And I don't need last second comeback drives against Indiana to be entertained. Saturday's stomping of Purdue was boring, and entertaining, and filled with more satisfaction than I've felt in years.
Let's not confuse late Carr and RR-era Grouchy Carr with three decades of Carr the D.C. and Carr the H.C. who put many roses in many Michigan mouths. He didn't break chairs and splatter goats in visitor's locker rooms after losses but this idea that Carr was not intense and hell-bent on winning championships needs to die. Also needs to die: Interceptions:
That's from turnover analysis by Enjoy Life. Michigan has thrown 12 INTs and picked off six. Fortunately the arm punts don't hurt so much EJ explains. When ST3 went inside the box score, he pointed at Avery's pick as the play of the game.
Maize_in_spartyland handed out 3rd quarter grades across the Big Ten. They're starting to sound like Michigan 2009-ish:
Iowa needs one more win to be bowl eligible, and they missed the potential to do that last weekend, with a loss to lowly Minnesota. Iowa finishes up with Michigan and Michigan State visiting Iowa City and visits to Purdue and Nebraska.
Iowa's still technically in the hunt for the Bo Division title, but they're also one bad trip to West Lafayette and three losses to Top 15 opponents away from their season ending in November. The pic above is Blue Indy's 'Marvel'ous wallpaper.
Recruiting is a thing again. Ace provides the weekly class rankings that haven't changed but for two JUCOs to Minnesota and Purdue. A scouting report on 2013 OLB prospect E.J. Levenberry was posted by austinte and bumped. The Virginia linebacker has a 5-star's offer sheet and is probably a WLB to Michigan. There's plenty of room available for this year's guys, finds airvipermb.
Google has to be wondering what's up with stubob and the weekly pony image searches for Ugly Game of the Week. The guy probably can't type 'p' into his search box without "pretty prancing ponies" filling in. MiS's Upset Watch shows Michigan 7-1 against the spread this year but Iowa is 5-0 at home ATS this year and Ferentz is usually a good home dog, dammit. Yesman2221 previews WMU in hockey. Chris of Etc. moved the picture pages. Get your program.
Coming up, you were not imagining the imaginary Woodsons; they are everywhere. Also: Craig Roh dressed as a shepherd and Mike Martin's Smashing Pumpkins.
Thread about pumpkins / Costume idea
Halloween has been unkind to the Wolverines in recent years. In '08 Michigan's heretofore okay secondary dressed up like a bad 3-3-5 and handed out open out routes to Purdue like candy. In 2009 it was the House of Haunted Dong-Punching that in retrospect marked the turning point in the Rodriguez experiment. Last year M came out of a bye having swapped out Cam Gordon for a 2-star true freshman, and the barest hope of defensive competency for none.
Perhaps such horrors are the reason our ancestors celebrated All Hallow's Eve by huddling in their homes, carving pumpkins to look like possession receivers, and dressing up as professional wrestlers who teach toughness and point at things. It's a good night to curl up with your favorite book (909Dewey on Three and Out), calculate your chances of winning Pick Six (Jeff), catch a high school game (frerrnnur5 sees Jordan Payton play), or—a must read for Big Ten refs by Enjoy Life—learn the difference between a fumble and a backward pass.
The rest of you will be stepping away from your internets to pretend you have social lives. But there's no reason you have to leave your MGo-obsession at home until your screen saver of cjm, monuMental and Blue Indy wallpapers (this week's by the latter) takes over. In a weak (read: bye) week, this is the Diarist of the Week. Here's a few costume concepts inspired by this week's diaries; feel free to add yours in the comments:
1) RON ZOOK, WITH A DRY ERASE BOARD ON HIS BACK THAT PEOPLE CAN WRITE SCORES ON
Ron Zook won the eponymous Dumb Punt of the Week again in the Mathlete's Mid-Week Metrics. Now you too can be just as oblivious to the world around you. Just get an Illinois sweatshirt, a nice silver coif, and walk around kicking things when you shouldn't.
2) LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE WITH A NEBRASKA 'N' ON YOUR SKIRT
You walk in singing "I think I'm gonna like it here," until you discover living with Daddy Warbucks is even more fraught with dangers than the poor orphanage you left (which Ms. Hannigan and her nefarious friends are meanwhile plotting to bring to ruin). Wisconsin ate the upset bug last week in Maize_in_Spartyland's Upset Watch. Don't count on 6-1 Nebraska making things right however, as they're 2-5 against the spread so far this year.
3) HOPLITE IN A PRISON UNIFORM
BlueSeoul came away unimpressed with Spartan discipline. You can pay tribute by picking up an orange jumpsuit or striped uniform and a Spartan mask.
4) COUGARS AND A PACK OF TROJANS
In the Ugly Game of the Week, stubob gives you the games that'll have you changing the channel to Golden Girls, starting with the Troy Trojans of Troy (We're from Troy!) versus FIU.
5) A NEUTERED BULLDOG
Michigan beat Ferris State last night but Yesman2221's weekend series preview is still relevant through this evening.
Give Them a 'Hail!'
Field Hockey: Big Ten Champs.
The Best of the Beyoard
LESLIE NIELSEN AS GERG, SETH ROGAN AS THE STUFFED ANIMAL
MGoJoe and friends have begun casting for Three & Out: The Movie, starring Russell Crowe as Rich Rodriguez, George Clooney as Dave Brandon, and Al Pacino as Dave Brandon's Pimp Hand. Hey, they made Moneyball into a feature so why not T&O? Skip Joe's picks and go right to the replies.
THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE MIDWEST EMPIRE
PeterKlima asks rhetorically if the conference has entered its Dark Age. I guess the Carr and Cooper years, from the conquest of Penn State to the pagan revival of Alvarez, could be the period of the tetrarchy and late antiquity; who's Justinian, Jim Tressel? Is the Spread Offense Christianity? Is any part of this analogy mentioned in the thread itself? No, not really.
FACEPALM GUY IS THE ANTI-LLOYD BRADY
The photoshoppers came out in force this week. The guy who twice caught ESPN peeking for UTL fan reaction shots bought the O.P. a beer, and for his troubles got a photoshop thread. So far Facepalm Guy has appeared in a family Christmas film, signed the Declaration of Independence, was carried off the field after a Citrus Bowl victory over Florida, perched atop a 1930s Manhatten skyrise project, gave the nation the Nixonian Double-Peace from the door to Marine One, got himself tased by MLB security guards, understudied Johnny Depp, stuck his head in the ground, escaped the Death Star, won a bodybuilding contest, and rededicated Notre Dame stadium to his blessed works.
CASE STUDY SAYS BAD IDEA IS BAD IDEA
Minimum donations 1/5th of the cost DB is asking for next year have led Penn State to non-sellouts (thanks Murph). This is Penn State's 2011 home schedule versus Michigan's 2012 home schedule:
|Penn State 2011||Michigan 2012|
|9/3 – Indiana St||9/8 - Air Force|
|9/10 - Alabama||9/15 - UMass|
|9/24 – Eastern Mich||10/13 - Illinois|
|10/8 – Iowa||10/20 - MSU|
|10/15 – Purdue||11/10 - Northwestern|
|10/29 – Illinois||11/17 - Iowa|
|11/12 – Nebraska|
The Nittany Lions have two marquee games and another three non-terrible conference opponents versus Michigan's one and two or three. They asked their fans for a minimum of $100 (up to $1,000 for the best seats) to lock in their seats and now their stadium looks like Joe Louis Arena (packed house above, half-empty in the pricey section). Brandon is asking Michigan fans to fork up about the same as what emptied the Lions' den, but without the actual promise of getting a seat. Yeah, this is a completely terrible idea.
IT'S ALMOST 2012; DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR APR IS?
We got a moment of panic from myrtlebeachmaiz…[name gets too long] about whether that albatross of an 897 Academic Progress Rate from 2007-'08 will subject Michigan to the new Srsly APR is Srsly penalties. Brian will probably cover in the future but the short-short version is we're probably in the clear.
BRADY AFTER BYE
Hoke's teams are 6-4 coming off bye weeks. More good news: Hoke has never employed Greg Robinson. Not even once.
ADD TO THE FAQS MAN
Some of the newer folks like Mr. Yost think it's time to bring out THE FAQ again. If you hover your mouse over "About" and click on "FAQ" you can read all about the acronyms you don't know and the nicknames you've never heard of, like who exactly is Tacopants (who is sadly very much back on the team) and Manbearfreak (that one is so retired). If you can think of some other bits of acronyms or jargon that need to be added, mention them in Yost's post and I'll do a one-time update this weekend or something.
THIS EDITION OF DD WASN'T YOUR BEST MISOPOGON
Yes I know. Can I go back to my book now?
The Sartorialist. When it comes to Wife Week, we put the 'M' in Marais
Hi everyone. This is Seth's wife. I am writing your blog entry today because "Misopogon" (how do you even pronounce that?!?) is not allowed on the Internet again until you stop with the threads about Gholston, and Lewan and Gholston, and dirty plays, and penalties on Gholston, and hate, and media coverage of Gholston, and how neither MSU or their coach disciplined Gholston, and respect, and similar plays, and suspensions for Gholston, and for Rush, and why this will make recruits prefer Michigan, and '08-'10 in-state recruiting, and taunting, and if late cheap shots injured Denard.
Got that all out of your system? Okay here's your blogger back; remind him he still needs to pick up dog food.
Hey. So you can wade through all of that, or just visit RationalMSUfan's thoughts and the ensuing comments. There's two points of derp in there (he mistakes four flagrant personal fouls in a game for one, and believes Gardner should start). But give him some credit for coming here sane when his blogosphere looks like this------------(HT Mgrowold)-------------->
He followed Derp 1 with a good point: Dantonio probably didn't see more than the punch and the piling on; maybe he would have pulled him if he saw the arm-bar and the facemask twist too. He sat on the video for four days until the Big Ten issued a suspension so probably no.
Off the board things were a little more under control. Gonzoist jhackney thinks this kind of behavior is something to be proud of, yada yada dick in a mason jar, pass the asparagus.
Like junkies hooked on a drug, Michigan fans in withdrawal began lashing out with a bowie knife everywhere and on everyone. Some of the slashing was justified, but some was just pent up rage left over from three disappointing seasons previous.
Nonnair found MSU averages about five personal fouls, roughed passers or unsportsmanlike penalties in the three games MSU has played Michigan in East Lansing under Dantonio, before devolving into into an unfair comparison with Erickson-era Hurricanes.
I mean this with all possible double entendre: let's move on to…
Wife Week 2011
Do you think these uniforms make me look like a sell-out'? Cause I was going
for all like, 'lets get the team fired up!' -DB
Last year Six Zero won the Internet for previewing his bye week spousal shopping excursion. It inspired an Opponent's Press Conference, a post-game flame war on the boards, and a movie! This year Vasav has asked for a wallpaper. But that's about it.
What's up board? You care more about your Little Brother than me? Okay fine, don't mind me; just sit there and talk about football with your friends.
As the lady says, hey did you see that new defense?
With our D getting gashed recently by MSU the question has been asked “Why not play more 46?” In this diary I hope to go over the strengths, weaknesses and a little history of the Bear Defense.
JeepinBen is your diarist of the week for breaking down the forty-six. MichFan1997 has taken up the mantle of FEI projecting, but after three straight years of dropping way down in the Big Ten season I'm hesitant to believe Michigan's got the 17th best defense in the country just yet. THE_KNOWLEDGE has settled into a new role as kind of a predictions wrangler, like Moe but without the awesome free stuff. Of Logic, Chriseous Dangerous makes the latest picture pages move.
After the jump, the weeklies, the best of the board that wasn't about Gholston, and a six-part series on the Solar Team's bronze performance.
For a half, it almost felt like last year. Northwestern attacked Michigan's youth on defense with, among other check plays, the triple option (Picture-paged by dnak). With the "curse of 5-0 lurking in the shadows like some angry pedo-bear" (jhackney) and big chunks of yards (ST3's Inside the Box Score, includes ref commentary) coming off Michigan's hide all I could think about was how jamie mac said Michigan was tempting fate and the sharks by breaking every Just Cover Blog Rule in the book. Michigan was about to be the victim of the Ugliest Game of the Week (stubob). Then the Hoke things started happening again:
- Michigan forced a fumble, because Michigan leads the nation in fumble recoveries (Turnover analysis, by Enjoy Life)
- And baaaarely picked off another (Game Wrap with pics by Blue Seoul)
- The offense dominated in 3rd and long and 4th and short situations (Moving picture pages by Logicdangerchrisdanger),
- The Wolverines avoided the upset scare (can they do it again? –Maize_in_spartyland's Upset Watch. .<p>no<p>. says a guy from the future.)
- And entered the mid-way point of its season 6-0, a thing which in Lordfoul's life has happened just three other times.
Not So Much with the Hate Week
Yes, I still play NCAA'04 because it was awesome.
Since MSU had a bye week preoccupied diarists went back to State's offensively challenged game in Columbus to ask things like is our biggest rival a bowl team (Chi-Blue), and whether our arch-rival's ethical struggles teach us about the human capacity for lying to oneself (hailtothe).
RESPECT THE RIVAL, NOT THE RIVALRY
On the boards, Michigan Arrogance asked whence the great Spartan trollers of yesteryear? Perhaps with MSU recently closing the gap from 39 games back to just 36 in the all-time rivalry, things have gotten a bit more sanguine. Also the fact that Michigan State is a great university with a great athletic program that has beaten us in football three years running under a great football coach. RationalMSUfan previews the offense, while bama blue has their best-in-the nation defense covered. Smile, Mark Dantonio (at right, HT Six Zero):
Maybe it's just that the trolls coaching one of the big Detroit programs (HT: MGoAndy) and Spartan Bob (HT: Everyone Murders) have both been shipped out the of state. The Spartan Bob article makes it sound like Michigan fans are a bunch of classless griefers but nobody I know ever said they hate him; we hate that a guy named "Spartan Bob" was in a position to hair-trigger the clock when the Spartans needed it most.
After the jump: more from the board, a three-part preview of Three and Out, and other things Michigan is better at than Michigan State.
The difference between this season and 2009-'10: 100 percent more Jug.}
Photo: Eric Upchurch.
[ED: LATE BREAKING is this week's edition of Pick Six.]
Michigan is 5-0 and beat a Big Ten team 58-0. The only thing tempering effusive celebration and Pasadenic predictions right now is Michigan made it to 5-0 last year too. Quick this year v. last year table (EDIT: now FIXED):
|W 30-10 v UConnn||W 34-10 v WMU|
|W 28-24 @Notre Dame||W 35-31 v Notre Dame|
|W 42-37 v UMass||W 31-3 v EMU|
|W 42-35 @Indiana||W 28-7 v SD State|
|W 65-21 v BGSU||W 58-0 v Minnesota|
I realigned '10 a bit to kinda sorta match the level of competition (so like beating up on BGSU = beating up on Minnesota) but last year had two road games. It also had an FCS team put up 37 and Indiana put up 35, while the season on the right side seems to keep getting better as it goes along. "This isn't last year!" was this week's rallying cry in the diaries, where justingoblue is trying to figure out how tough the schedule has been so far, and 909Dewey is taking way too small sample sizes to put 58-0 over Minnesota in the context of Michigan 2005-present.
Blazefire is preparing himself for a "Rationality Juncture," ie the swings that sports fandom brings:
We are fans because we believed that a five foot ninja could stop North Dakota. We are fans because we believed Darius Morris would shoot successfully. We are fans because we believed in 30 seconds.
This one paragraph puts him in the running for Diarist of the Week. Of course he wouldn't have a chance except BlueSeoul is exempt from winning. That does not exempt you from reading his latest masterpiece Game Wraps:
Little Brown Jug Total Gopher Destructo, with pics:
MSU-OSU Total Rival Self-Destructo, with pics:
How we know it's not 2010: Michigan State actually played Ohio State.
While we're on the subject of Mansmash vs. Brotough, see if you can guess which of the following names are 2013 prospects recently profiled by Ace, and which are MST3K space jocks:
|Laquon Treadwell||Fist Rockbone||Brick Hardmeat||Lump Beefbroth|
|Blast Hardcheese||Stump Beefnoss||Taco Charlton||Shaq Wiggins|
|De'Niro Laster||Smash Lampjaw||Wit Slagcheek||Touch Rustrod|
|Slap Bulkhead||Punch Rockgroin||Punch Sideiron||Reif Blastbody|
|Bold Bigflank||Buck Plankchest||Gristle McThornbody||Big McLargehuge|
|Splint Chesthair||Stump Junkman||Blake Fistcrunch||Jake Butt|
|Flint Ironstag||Dirk Hardpeck||Buff Hardpack||Smoke Manmuscle|
|Bolt Vanderhuge||Tom Tyner||Bob Johnson||Beat Punchbeef|
|Thick McRunfast||Rip Steakface||Blast Thickneck||Hack Blowfist|
|Buff Drinklots||Blake Slamrock||Crunch Buttsteak||Roll Fizzlebeef|
|Grunt Slamchest||Rod Bonemeal||Slabs Quadthrust||Jus Gritzer|
Big McLargehuge has camped at Michigan but needs to improve his shape before he earns a Michigan offer. This week's points bonus opportunity goes to whoever can best apply the above names to characters from this year's OSU-MSU debacle. Last week's goes to Gwhizz for his chewbacca costume.
After the jump, more evidence that 2011 =/= 2010, and more diaries.
Title ref (this time with apple flavor cause L'shana tovah)
We have waited far too long to recognize Blue Indy for his wallpaperin' ways. The above background has been maized to remind you it's Maize Out week. There's a wallpaper too from cjm but no I'm not putting a naked gopher with a tattoo on my work laptop again (long story).
Plus man I am drinking down a pitcher of that myself. Not about the 4-0 start and a 4-point come-from-behind win over Notre Dame—we've seen that before. About this coaching staff. Whatever nits we pick around here, an overwhelming majority of Michigan fans are in agreement that our coaches are all of the following: top-of-line recruiters, good teachers, competent playcallers, sound schemers, and good guys. We've been demanding that combination so long it's easy to not fully appreciate how rare it is.
Okay BlueSeoul diarist extraordinaire, about those nits:
It's 3rd and Fricken 1!!!
He doesn't much care for flipping the front 7 to keep SDE and WDE accurate. Any other complaints?
Who does this band director think he's fooling? [pic]. There are: 1 Drum Major, 4 Twirlers, 24 Flags, 12 Piccolos, 24 Clarinets, 12 Alto Saxophones, 12 Tenor Saxophones, 48 Trumpets, 12 Horns, 33 Trombones, 4 Bass Trombones, 12 Euphoniums, 14 Sousaphones, 6 Snare Drums, 4 Bass Drums, 4 Cymbals
AND NONE OF THEM ARE LOOKING AT YOU!
NCAA Rule 448: All band leaders think they're Professor Harold Hill. The other 60% of the weekly breakdown is breaking down wonderful happy things like the sprint option and Craig Roh using an OL's extension against him. Bonus: BlueSeoul did one for EMU too.
Tailgaters: Send in Your Photos and Recipes
Some dude posted a forward from his wife in the diaries looking for tailgate recipes and photos to be made into a cookbook sold for charity purposes. Since it's for a good cause, and the dude's name is eerily similar to the one on my paycheck, I'll abide by not calling "kiosk" this time.
What Kind of Rivalry are You? Since this is a "rivalry" week, turd furguson's deep thought is timely. He breaks the nation's collegiate rivalries into those where you love the rivalry more than you care about the rival, those where you just hate those guys, and those where somebody gets noogies. He does a good job at categorizing but I think there should be way more to it. Like what about the one where you have an annoying little brother who's actually sometimes really sweet? (chicken soup diary by Shaqsquatch). I maintain a more interesting theory of rivalries is to make them analogous to relationships that 4th graders have. 100 pts. to whoever makes the best Brown Jug rivalry analogy between South Park characters. Bonus points for incorporating MIT vs. Harvard-Yale.
Bust on through into the backfield (post jump) and I'll show you the diary of the week, the weekly things, and shed light on a few memes from the depths of the board.