2011 notre dame

kitten does not like

David Brandon was on WTKA discussing the new(!) varsity lacrosse programs, which you know all about, when he was asked about your favorite newspaper's purported stripey Michigan night game uniform thing:

Michigan athletic director Dave Brandon was asked during an interview on WTKA-AM (1050) this morning if that was an accurate representation of U-M's uniform.

"No," Brandon said.

Brandon said Michigan's uniform would combine "elements of a couple different eras," but emphasized that the final product has not been revealed.

Before you point and laugh at the Free Press, a good source indicates the mockups everyone's gnashing their teeth about are "one of many possibilities," one that ended up "in the top two or three." The final result is not going to be like the "1960s look" Brian Kelly said Michigan was going to bust out in his press conference. That was never on the table because, as mentioned, the uniforms of the 1960s are hardly different than today's. The end result is going to be spiritually similar to the above: a throwback that attempts to go way, way back—source says "foot-ball yore"—and in doing so discards any pretense of historical accuracy.

This or something like it got so far down the pipe that the biggest holdup is the lack of a number on the front. Brian Kelly hates that because it makes it harder to track the opposition's substitutions. (As the kind of person who obsessively tracks his own team's substitutions and gets irritated at teams who don't put names on their jerseys*, I get that.) Michigan is hoping they can get away with a small number like a C or A on a hockey jersey above the block M or that numbers on the helmets will suffice.

So while it's possible the giant raspberry emitted by the public sees Michigan change direction on this specific design, the end result here is going to be an ungainly Frankenstein that no Michigan player has ever worn before. As Eleven Warriors' Ramzy said: "here, have some of our Pro Combat nightmare juice." The only thing that can rescue it is if all the players have Fielding Yost-level lip brooms by kickoff.

But… hey, new scoreboards, right?

*[Penn State excepted for reasons of tradition.]

We haven't had a good uniform PANIC for a while, so… yeah… here's… this:

That, according to your favorite newspaper, resembles the "throwback" uniforms Michigan will don this fall. You'll note a few things:

your eyeballs are melting out of your sockets

those uniforms don't look anything like those of the 1960s, which look essentially identical to today's with the exception of the helmets…

…unless they were day-glo orange or something. I think MVictors would have notified us if this was the case by now.

there is a distinct resemblance between these monstrosities and the Big Chill stripey-bucktooth-weasel thing…

…in that both were obviously designed by Joad Cressbeckler. Doctor Saturday pointed me to this image of Michigan's uniforms down the years in which the only vague resemblance between the above and something from history is Michigan's 1891 uniforms.

we must have no taste if the Big Chill jerseys sold well enough for this to seem like a good idea.

Let's hope this a practical joke played on the Free Press as revenge, I guess. Get off my lawn.