I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU SONNY
I originally posted this on Bless You Boys, but I figured I'd stick it here and then reserve the right to fix it and make it funnier (and maybe add photos and stuff) when I am not really tired.
Selig: Okay, guys, after the most obviously Instant Replayable bad call in the history of my game, which is shits older than all of your games, I have called this meeting to get your ideas on how MLB should implement Instant Replay.
Goodell: Well, Bud, what you should do is leave this up to your coaches, but they have only a limited amount of challenges each game, and they lose their timeout if they’re wrong, and….
Selig: But then they’ll only get like 1/3 of the calls right.
Goodell: Um, it's better than nothing...
Selig: I need something more real. Gary, how do you guys do it in the NHL?
Bettman: Oh, ours is great -- what we do is send the tape to Toronto, at which point our league experts will determine which team is wearing a Red Wings logo. The call is then returned to the refs, who may then judge it to be whatever they think makes them not look bad.
Selig: This seems to defeat the purpose of Instant Replay. How do you give your refs cover if they can just overturn clear video evidence?
Bettman: Because they will watch it again and again and determine when they first dreamed of thinking of maybe blowing their whistles, at which point the play is over. They have THOUGHT POWERS!!! Na na na na na na THOUGHT POWERS!!!
Selig: Doesn’t that take a long time?
Bettman: Yes, but dude, fans love the long breaks because that’s when we can play Sidney Crosby clips. That’s all our fans really want anyway: Sidney Crosby….and Nascar. DUDE!!! Sidney Crosby in a NASCAR!!! WITH THOUGHT POWERS! Na na na na na na na na....
Selig: Oooookaaaay… Hoops-Guy, got any advice?
Stern: Sure do. Keep it simple — use it only for plays that occur after the game ends.
Selig: Errr...that doesn’t really help us. We're not timed.
Stern: Oh. In that case, just have your refs call everything for the team that’s losing. Don’t want fans to turn off their TVs…
Selig: Fellas, this is not helpful. You
- Big Ten guy over there — you guys do Instant Replay officiating. What do you do?
Delany: Well, we have a guy sitting in a room with a DVR.
Selig: That’s it?
Delany: That’s it.
Selig: A guy in a room with a DVR.
Delany: Yup. And a HI-Def TV.
Selig: Anything else?
Delany: A Basic Cable package.
Selig: How does a dude in a room with a DVR fix bad calls?
Delany: Well, he watches each play and if the call is close he watches it again on his DVR, and if he can't tell yet he calls down and says "waitaminute just a second guys," and then he calls down and tells us what the call was.
Selig: How is that going to satisfy your fans?
Delany: Dude, that IS your fans.
Selig: This makes sense somehow. Do you have any goals for expanding this?
Delany: Yes. We have one, and only one goal, and it is our goal with every decision the Big Ten makes.
Selig: You mean to let the action on the field decide the outcome?
Delany: No, to
Try to Take Over the World!
So I'm out here in Oregon when my father calls me and tells me about Gallaraga's perfect game bid with two outs in the ninth. I feverishly try to log on to my mlb.com account so I can listen to the end, when my dad said, "Here's a groundball ... he GOT HIM! Oh wait, no....no..."
About five minutes later, I'm on my way out the door when I check my phone and see there's a text message for me that says: "Your boys have a perfect game going against my Indians."
Thinking it's one of my good friends from Cleveland, and I simply type back "fuck me."
Then, I realize that I just texted someone whose name didn't come up in my phone; just their number. It turned out, it was a high school student of mine who I reluctantly gave my number (along with the rest of his classmates) when we were attending a national convention.
I immediately texted him to explain that this was a mistake, and that it was intended for a friend. Then I started to think about the fact that one of my 15-year-old students now has a text message from his teacher that says "fuck me" without the benefit of voice inflection.
I called my administrator, the kids parents and apologize profusely, and now I'm sure this kid will get some great mileage from my cyberfaux pas.
So not only will I remember this blown perfect game call as the day another hometown team cup-checked me; it was the day I unwittingly made an improper proposal to a student of mine.
Feel free to laugh at my expense (fuck me).
I have checked around online for answers to this but have come up with not a lot of conclusive answers so I thought I would throw this out there to the masses and see if anyone has an answer or can maybe provide some kind of insight. First off, here are the basics, I am a single father of a 7 year old girl that I share equal custody of with her mother, one week here and then one week there. I have never had any hesitations or reserves about providing for my child, even if she is with her mother at the time. My question is that if I were to win the lottery, current NC lottery is at $260 million, would I be obligated to share in those winnings with her mother? I would obviously set up trust funds and do everything above and beyond taking care of my daughter but should her mother benefit from this? As far as child support is concerned, there is none as the judge ruled that since there is shared custody, and i cover her insurance wise, there is no CS to be paid. Morally I would do a little to take care of her mother, as of this writing I don't totally hate her, but should she share in my good fortune? Obviously if this were to ever REALLY happen I would consult with legal counsel but I thought I would throw this out there for discussion. The closest I have found, which was based on FL laws, is that she would be entitled to interest earnings as this would count as earned income.
is a joke.
I know there's already an OT thread for tonight's game. For anybody who's not watching, though, tune in for the ninth inning of the Tigers' game.
I can't tell you why, but you won't be sorry.
EDIT: For those who missed it, Galarraga retired 26 straight batters. He was covering first on a ground out for the last out in the ninth and the umpire (Jim Joyce) called him....SAFE??? This wasn't a close call - he was definitely out and Galarraga got jobbed out of a perfect game. Feel for the guy.
Okay, this game needs to be brought up.
Nothing more for now.