this week in unintentionally grim-sounding recruiting headlines
Guy sure loves getting paid off of Michigan coaching changes
I won't be able to watch this afternoon's press conference for our new coach, but it might be fun to guess what words/phrases he may focus on to get his point across.
"Physical" o/u 6.5 times
"Tough" o/u 4.5 times
"Get back to playing Michigan football" o/u 2.5 times
"Get bigger" o/u 2.5 times
"Get stronger" o/u 2.5 times
"Get faster" o/u .5 times
"Michigan family" o/u 3.5 times
"Denard" o/u 1.5 times
"Carr" o/u 1.5 times
"Rich Rodriguez" o/u .5 times
"1997" o/u 2.5 times
"Ohio State" o/u 1.5 times
"Michigan State" o/u .5 times
"Rose Bowl" o/u 2.5 times
"decided schematic advantage" o/u .5 times
...add your guesses and other words/phrases as you like. Here's hoping for a good, informative press conferenec!
There have been a lot of questions about where we're at, and what's happening so I'm going to do a mini update so everyone is caught up on where we're at. We obviously won't know some aspects of what will happen until Brady Hoke assembles his staff, and starts to actually make phone calls and visits.
- There's been a rumor that LB Kellen Jones decommitted, which is not true. I spoke with his dad today, and he told me that's not even close. If the Michigan coaches tell Kellen that they want him just as much as the previous coaching staff did then he will be in Ann Arbor. Kellen is visiting Colorado this weekend, because it's already set up, and it's just for fun. He is supposed to take a visit out to Miami, but they're not sure if that will even happen. Kellen still feels the same about Michigan, he's just covering himself for just in case.
- Kris Frost hasn't heard from Auburn yet. If they say no, there's a good chance he'll come to Michigan. If they say yes, then as far as I understand someone else will lose their spot.
- K Matt Goudis and DB Dallas Crawford are visiting Miami this weekend. Dallas knows that Michigan has hired a new coach, and has started to do research on him.
- WR Devin Lucien is a recruit that has been waiting for Michigan to make a hire so he can visit. He still wants to talk to the coaching staff to make sure his offer will be honored, but he was being recruited by San Diego State. Michigan has a great chance with Devin.
- OL Chris Bryant is announcing at the end of January, but this hire for Michigan also helps with him. Michigan is in the lead.
- The only current commits we need to monitor really are Dallas Crawford, Matt Goudis, and Jake Fisher. Blake Countess will just require a phone call to make sure everything is in order, and we should be good to go with everyone else.
If you have any other questions, or if I'm forgetting anything ask in the comments and I'll try to get it answered. It's going to be an ongoing update as the coaches start to reach out to commits and recruits.
I must admit I liked Hoke screaming when the pizza box was opened, but seems like a bit of a stretch with the voice overs. We are forever tied to a pizza chain.
Be forwarned, the following will not be pretty nor useful. (mods, feel free to delete or censor). If you don't want to read a rage filled post, please close this tab and move on with your lives.
ok, we good? Are the kids' eyes safely diverted? Then let the Fuuuuuuuuu machine engage:
Fuck it all.
Brian's not in a swearing mood. I am.
I'm not angry that Hoke is now the coach.
He may someday turn into a decent coach.
I'm pissed off at the state of College Football.
It's clearer than ever that the NCAA is full of a bunch of Cross Eyed Hypocrites.
It's painfully obvious that the newspapers are full of fucktards with their asses so far up their own asses that their noses are covered in their own shit and they can't smell the truth even if they were wearing ski masks without nose holes and they could pull off the ski masks and their noses wouldn't be covered in shit. IT WOULDN'T MATTER, THEY'RE STILL FUCKING ASSCLOWNS.
Cam Newton just showed he was worth the thousands of dollars that Auburn, FUCKING AUBURN, FUCKING CHEATING MOTHER FUCKERS AUBURN WHO HAVE BEEN CAUGHT REDHANDED MORE TIMES IN THE LAST 20 YEARS THAN ANY OTHER FUCKING SCHOOL I CAN THINK OF, got some booster to donate to Cam Newton's dirty motherfucking religious dirty, and probably pedophile supporting, motherfucking father's church.
So the story is that someone from UF tipped off the NCAA to Newton's dealings with MSU (NNTMSU, the MSU that kicked our fucking asses into oblvion because our defensive coaches quit sometime back in november since they didn't get any vote of confidence and knew they were all going to be out of jobs. well good luck assholes, may god have mercy on anyone that hires you). Gee, I wonder how they knew. It's not like anyone with Florida connections is at Mississippi State now. Oh, wait...
But Urban Meyer can't just come out and say that Florida paid for Newton too. No, then he would be a villian, he would be throwing HIS OWN program under the bus. Instead he can go on ESPN and blow sunshine up the WWL's asses while leaking left and right to try to hurt a rival school.
But is it surprising that Florida is shelling out the money? In today's game, that's the only way you can win on a consistent basis. Especially in the S.E.C. We know USC was paying, we now know that OSU is paying, the entire SEC thinks the rulebook is quaint. FUCK THEM ALL.
And I don't blame them. FUCK YOU, NCAA, FUCK YOU. Fuck your fucking hypocrisy. Fuck you making millions off the BCS and EASports and then claiming that football players are "amateurs". Fuck you punishing Michigan for an extra 20 minutes of stretching per week when the corrupt bastards down in Columbus are driving new cars every week. If there's any loyal Michigan fans in Ohio, they should camp outside every car dealership in that god-forsaken town and record every time an OSU player does a "test drive". Not that it would matter, the players could just use the "but I wasn't looking" defense and they'd be allowed to play in any meaningful (profitable) game. Fucking bullshit. Fuck you, OSU AD and your fucking lies.
And fuck you detroit free press. Fuck you for focusing on kids stretching when half of MSU's (YTMSU, the green and white thugs in ski masks) team is on probation, in jail, or randomly putting other students in the hospital. Fuck you. I don't care that Glenn Winston is a two time convict. I care that Dantonio would suit him up tomorrow if he had a chance, and you would still ignore it and write about how Richrod has a stupid accent and a "win at all costs" attitude. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU MICHAEL ROSENBERG. I hope you go to jail and people bugger you till you bleed from the nose. Maybe that will clean your palate and you can smell your own fucking bias. If anyone in the athletic department had any balls they would sue you for libel and slander. HAVE YOU FINALLY LEARNED WHAT A FUCKING COUNTABLE HOUR IS, YOU DUMB BITCH? ARE YOU WILLING TO ADMIT IT, YOU FUCKING COWARD?
FUCK YOU DREW SHARP, BECAUSE FUCK YOU. YOU ARE THE WORST KIND OF FUCKING ASSCLOWN. YOU ARE THE REASON PEOPLE DON'T BUY THE FREEP ANYMORE. I HOPE WHEN YOU GET TO HELL, THAT GOD MAKES YOU SUCK HIS COCK FOR ALL ETERNITY. YOU'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING NICE NOR CONSTRUCTIVE TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE, EVER. EVER! FUCK YOU.
Fuck you ESPN. FUCK YOU AND YOUR CONFLICTS OF INTEREST. Fuck your "Sources". Fuck herbstreit, fuck corso, fuck anyone that had anything to say about the coaching search, because FUCK YOU, YOU ALL DIDN'T KNOW SHIT. FUCK JOE SCHAD, FUCK Andy who da fuck cares how to spell your fucking name. How many times did you all declare that 'XYZ' coach was coming to michigan? FUCK YOU.
And finally, fuck you whiny players and your sense of entitlement. I know you work hard, I know you deserve money. But I hate your fucking attitudes. I hate that you quit and transfer if you don't get your way. I hate that you bring in your jackass sportscasting fathers when you get disciplined. I hate that you think you can lie your way through life. I hate that you usually can. FUCK YOU KENYON RAMBO, FUCK TED GINN, SR AND JR. FUCK YOU TROY SMITH, FUCK YOU TERELLE PRYOR. AND FUCK ALL THE DIRTY BACKROOM DEALING BOOSTERS AND AGENTS WHO GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED.
FUCK ALL OF YOU. I was pretty good this season and kept my posting polite. Well it turns out that it was just building up until this release. And so if you have a problem with my post because you didn't heed the warning at the top, well then, fuck you too.
Here's to four more years of mediocrity. It's whiskey time.