When I see someone went to Harvard Law I'm like this guy's probably an idiot.

Motion to pummel Purdue's head in granted.

one day we'll all look back at this and be furious all over again

CAN I INTEREST YOU IN THIS FINE SECOND-HAND VACUUM

no sign content included 

Let's pretend we're freaking out about the running game so we can talk ourselves out of it.

hooray seasons here 

"I'm sorry I'm at an airport and there are multiple babies crying around me. Oh, we thought we'd logged onto the Big Ten coaches call."

I'm done being human, I wanna be a train.

Not just any train, a train with a brain.

Rolling 'round the track, metal wheels for arms.
Copy paste my face to a steel box car.

guys I'm gonna order some sushi and drink a beer