things go poorly
Week two. Ann Arbor. Shit got peculiar.
Going into week two I had a nervous feeling that a chicken may get when crossing a high wire over a pit of rabid mauling crocodiles. Coming off a win of an abnormal scenario, there was a chance of a letdown that would put Charlie Sheen’s live standup routine in Detroit to shame. There was going to be lights, security shipped in from Blackwater, jets flying over, paratroopers dropping in at halftime, and uniforms that a future art student at age seven made on NCAA ’12. If it weren’t a football game, many people in the Ann Arbor vicinity may have thought Red Dawn 2 was being filmed in the Big House.
Notre Dame was coming off an embarrassing loss to a far less talented team from the swamps of Florida. One emotion of the Notre Dame Fighting Kellys was obviously anger. Brian Kelly is the only coach I know of that earned his coaching degree from the Homeland Security Department. It was Kelly that spurred Tom Ridge and other brainiacs to come up with the color coded alert levels. After last week, the South Florida Bulls are now on the U.S. Terrorist List.
Notre Dame was gunning to ruin a night of history in Michigan Stadium. They are not a team that lacks neither talent nor coaching skill (notice I didn’t say class). After doubling up the offensive production and producing a stifling defense against South Florida, they themselves lost the game due to the curse of Lou Holtz. Ever since ridding themselves of Lou Holtz, spittle traced back to Dr. Lou’s DNA can be found on every game ball ND touches. This logically explains the many fumbles and miscommunication. I believed naively that the curse would be lifted against Michigan due to Kelly’s coaching prowess and it just didn’t sit well statistically that Michigan could beat ND three years in a row. I respect statistics and precedence. Three in a row, especially with the transitions and coaching clusterfucks Michigan has experienced the past four years, just didn’t seem plausible.
The game began and I didn’t watch it. The beginning of it that is. I was too busy caught up watching ESS EEE SEE FOOTBAWW as Georgia went 0-2 against the Gamecocks of South Carolina in what seemed to be the longest two minutes of fourth quarter in college football history. I think it can be chalked up to a combination of a lack of number skills and a conference hell bent on ruining the lives of scholarship players and intelligent people everywhere.
When the game finally came on, I witnessed a déjà vu of last week’s first drive by the opponent. Michigan made Rees look like an All-American. Brent Musberger was getting off on being able to show off his counting skillz by constantly updating an already irritable Michigan fan base watching on TV the pass attempt/pass completed ratio of Kelly’s poodle QB. After the first drive, I expected a repeat performance of Michigan’s offense moving down the field in electrifying fashion. I couldn’t have been anymore wrong. Denard seemed like a mortal man that had his shoes not tied out of choice, but because he was just incapable. The offense was grim and the defense, well the defense was reminiscent of the finest looking Swiss Cheese west of the Prime Meridian. Not only was Notre Dame racking up passing yards that went mostly to Calvin Johnson Jr., but the running game of Notre Dame’s was also slicing and dicing the Michigan defense. The game began looking grim. Michigan looked more helpless than a bag of kittens smothered with BBQ sauce sitting on a silver platter in front of John Madden. Halftime ended 17-7 in favor of the Notre Lame Fighting Kellys.
Once halftime started, I had to take a shower. I had this disgusting film of disappointment covering my body. As mentioned before, I did not expect this game to have an outcome that I desired, but I did expect MANBAWW FOOTBAWW to put up a better fight than a nun in a UFC fight. I texted one of my colleagues that was sitting inside the Big House amongst the mass of people that was watching the horror show live to walk into the locker room and demand that HOKE either start pointing magical rays of football into the players or get out while he still could and join me at a shindig in Detroit I was readying myself for. The shindig included many beautiful women and alcohol. I was not sticking around to see Notre Dame light up the scoreboard as I sat alone in my Livonia basement mancave. Alcohol seemed to be the perfect remedy to obliterate my memory and women seemed to be the perfect cure for a bad case of grumpypantsitis due to their nurturing demeanor.
Once the third quarter started I smelled good and was ready to cut rug in Detroit. I figured I’d wait one or two more drives to see if HOKE inspired the team, the team, the team to fight back and make this a respectable game. I was at first sorely disappointed again. ND scored making the first night game in Michigan’s history 24-7 bad guys. As I started making the finishing touches on making myself presentable to the public eye, Michigan scored! Not only did they just score, they made a play that became a cliffhanger for me. Denard threw a long bomb to Hemingway as a ND defender gnawed upon his leg. I guess he could make this throw and play due to the drills in practice where Gorgeous Borges holds onto Denard’s legs preventing him from running and making insane plays with his legs. This forces Denard to make insane plays with his arm.
After that score making the game 24-14, I decided to stay, so I could be a champion. I am glad I did. Sitting helplessly in my chair I worried that this game would keep my hopes alive just enough that I didn’t get to use my new pack of razor blades I picked up at Ace Hardware earlier until the end. Then the hour would be too late to get a quality suicide hotline operator to talk me down. The graveyard shift gets its name for a reason. Not only was I working on my third ulcer, but my ex-girlfriend half a world away thought it would be a wise idea to send a shitstorm of insults at my team’s first night game just because she was jealous that her alma mater of Penn State‘s only tradition was waving a cane at a pep rally and excusing himself for foul language the night before. This night could not be anymore nervewracking.
The fourth quarter turned out to be a footballgasm that I will never forget. Michigan outscored ND 28-7 to defeat the Fighting Kellys. Not only was it a comeback of a lifetime, but the way ND crumbled was pure Shadenfreude. The most memorable was when the curse of Dr. Lou attacked Rees into throwing the ball…without the ball. At this point, the Michigan National Guard was put on high alert as the Kelly Alert Level reached violet. From late in the game on, the breaks bounced Michigan’s way. The Hopkins fumble into Denard’s magical hands and the five turnovers in all seemed to be luck that slid in the direction of the Maize and Blue. Michigan pulled out a victory of epic proportions and I felt like a champion for staying. I texted back by ex’s comment of this being an embarrassing moment of Michigan football history, “Fuck your history.”
As for the seeming luck that the Irish did not have and Michigan did, I believe there was something more. I think it was Vince Lombardi or someone important like that that once said, “Luck is when hard work meets opportunity.” After watching this game I believe this quote a little more. This team for the last three years, would have never been able to pull this off. You can bicker about it being the coaches, player’s age, or lack of skill, but I saw a team believing in themselves that I haven’t seen in a long time. The breaks in the game have not bounced in Michigan’s favor against a formidable opponent in such away for at least three years. You may argue Wisconsin 2008, but they ended up 7-6. As I said earlier, ND is going to be a decent team this year. As a matter of fact, I expect them to knock off Michigan State. Brian Kelly will turn Notre Dame into kamikazes before he lets ND go 0-3. I am sure they are practicing ball handling skills with duct tape and battering rams at this very moment. Anyways, this Michigan team shows fight. Something I knew the last couple of years they didn’t. In the past, as soon as the offensive momentum ceased, so did the whole team’s chances. Not in 2011. This Michigan team may end up 7-6 or something close, but at least I know they will die fighting.
Screaming, yelling, and having your face mocking a chameleon in heat may be therapeutic for some, but a resolve to never give up and keep giving your opponent everything you got on a big stage at home in the style I saw last Saturday night, is true Homeland Security.
So, I just read maybe an hour ago a thread linking to "The Shame of College Sports" over at the Atlantic Monthly. The thread disappeared, which might mean that comments were going wild. But I went over to the moderator action sticky, and that topic is locked, and the threads aren't showing. What's going on?
I'm perusing the schedules for 2013 and 2014. The 2014 schedule definitively lists two bye weeks, even with two open dates still to be filled. It appears the 2013 schedule would include two bye weeks if the final non-conference opponent is slotted into the August 31 open date.
I don't like this. I wait all year for Michigan football. One bye week is all I can take once they start playing. I don't remember two bye weeks in any previous season, but I haven't done an exhaustive analysis.
After finally making it back to Arlington,Tx from that epic game at the Big House, I realized it was time to move on to the next week's game (even though my heart and mind continue to relive that wonderful night.) I wasn't planning on doing more wallpaper as I hate mediocrity and feel like the feeble attempts I make are just not worth it. Of course this week I doubt monuMental will sweep in and save us like he did for UTL since he has much more important things to do than worry about Eastern Michigan.
My 11 year, the homer that he is, swears that his daddy's wallpaper was better anyways (I do not see eye to eye with him on this) and wants me to pick up where monuMental left off until the game against MSU. I thought of a couple things to do for the week's look before I got frustrated with the attempts and decided to just pass on it. Then the 5 year old comes along. That's the one with those deep blue eyes and dimples that have already landed him a new car and credit card at such an early age. He looks at me and says, "dad Michigan did not give up when they were losing to the flower team (that's four leaf clovers to normal people.) How could I resist?
So the process looked something like the following. I thought about using an oversized birdcage to put Eastern's mascot, Swoop, in. I couldn't create the right look in the limited time so I moved on to more of a cell-block look. This would give the idea of a jail bird or just an oversized bird cage. This is kind of where that ended up at...
It just didn't really seem to have the pop I wanted and seemed cheesy. This is about the time my 5 year old convinced me not to give up but try something else.
I then thought more about a real eagle since I didn't have a great shot of Swoop and didn't have enough time to re-create him. Of course Swoop is a bald eagle which is probably one of my favorite animals. When I started to consider placing such a great bird in a cell or cage it caused some inner tension. Blast those people in Ypsilanti for having such a fine species as their rallying point in sports. Against the inner turmoil, I went ahead and considered some options. I took the bald eagle and placed him in a cell. Some writing on the wall and the right lighting allowed me to find a concept I liked. Now it is extremely raw and not the shadowing I really wanted. When I really step back and take a look it seems like I threw it together. Oh wait, I did.
I may try to tweak it some more but since the weekend is just around the corner I thought I would throw up the concept on this fine MGoBoard and take the beating and criticism like a man. Hope I don't embarrass the photoshop family too much. Even if I do, at least I have an 11 and 5 year old that goes to school and says "my dad can photoshop better than your dad." Yeah they get beat up a lot.
Who do you want to lose more? MSU or ND?
What's your final score?
State - 31
Domers - 28
...a heartbreaking gamewinning FG by MSU to win the game after ND throws an INT trying to get into FG position to win the game. Kelly's head literally explodes.
Anybody else sick of this guy.
This guy needs an attorney letter from Shemmy Hall.
Brian politely took down his designs based on trademark (broad def) in the MGoBlog Store last year. Chatsports is out pushing a Denard shadow dreads t-shirt complete with winged helmet.
This is futher proof he is not an insider. No insider would blatently rip off UM trademarks for their own benefit because they would know where their bread is buttered.