football

It's more fun than talking about that other stuff, right?

Here's the lineup for the AFCA convention:

http://www.afca.com/SportSelect.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=9300&SPID=6694&SPSID=61516

I realize the days of our coaches being men of knowledge are perhaps in the rear view mirror, and perhaps they threw away the mold when Lloyd was created - but can you possibly imagine what Bret Bielema would say?

"Uhh...Big W.....Uh...Thanks."

In fairness, though, there would surely be more liquor at this gathering than at an academic convention - and that's saying something.....

I was thinking back to when the Ford's hired Matt Millen with zero experience to run the LIons. Remember when Izzo expressed some interest in being the football coach?  Just for fun who would you like DB to talk to who has limited/no experience that would be an interesting candidate?  I'm not suggesting this but would be interested in speculation of off the wall candidates.

My choice would be Chris Spielman - yes a hated buckeye, but Moeller was an OSU captain and Bo coached there.  Ton of passion, understands the rivalry and would probably be a terrible choice like Millen, but fun to speculate about.

[Ed.: Bumped for awesome.]

For pathos purposes only.

Rodriguez: Trouble at Schembechler!

Assistant: Oh no - what kind of trouble?

Rodriguez: One on't zone reed gone owt askew on spreadshred.

Assistant: Pardon?

Rodriguez: One on't zone reed gone owt askew on spreadshred.

Assistant: I don't understand what you're saying.

Rodriguez: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the zone reads has gone out askew in the spread n’ shred.

Assistant: Well what on earth does that mean?

Rodriguez: I don't know – Mr. Magee just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at Schembechler, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Coaching Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Cardinal David Brandon of Domino’s enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Rosenberg has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fatcatalumnus is just Cardinal Fatcatalumnus]

Brandon: NOBODY expects the Coaching Inquisition! Our chief Replacement Candidate is Hoke...Hoke and Miles...Miles and Hoke.... Our two Replacement Candidates are Miles and Hoke...and Patterson.... Our three Replacement Candidates are Miles, Hoke, and Patterson...and an almost fanatical devotion to Harbaugh.... Our four...no... Amongst our Replacement Candidates.... Amongst our Replacement Candidatery...are such candidates as Miles, Hoke.... I'll come in again.

[The Cardinals exit]

Rodriguez: I didn't expect a kind of Coaching Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals burst in]

Brandon: NOBODY expects the Coaching Inquisition! Amongst our Replacement Candidatery are such diverse candidates as: Miles, Hoke, Patterson, an almost fanatical devotion to Harbaugh, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!

[To Cardinal Rosenberg] I can't say it - you'll have to say it.

Rosenberg: What?

Brandon: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief Replacement Candidates are ...'

Rosenberg: [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that...

[Brandon bundles the cardinals outside again]

Rodriguez: I didn't expect a kind of Coaching Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals enter]

Rosenberg: Er.... Nobody...um....

Brandon: Expects...

Rosenberg: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Coaching...um...

Brandon: Coaching Inquisition...

Rosenberg: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Coaching Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -

Brandon: Our chief Replacement Candidates are...

Rosenberg: Our chief Replacement Candidates are...um...er...

Brandon: Hoke...

Rosenberg: Hoke and --

Brandon: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief Replacement Candidates are Hoke...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.

Fatcatalumnus: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the House of Bo. 'My old Michigan Man said follow the--'

Rosenberg: That's enough.

[To Rodriguez] Now, how do you plead?

Rodriguez: I’m innocent.

Brandon: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]

Rosenberg: We'll soon change your mind about that!

[DIABOLICAL ACTING]

Brandon: Miles, Hoke, and a most fanatical -- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal -- the MAJOR VIOLATIONS!

[Rosenberg produces a ONE-PAGE LIST OF NCAA MAJOR VIOLATIONS. Brandon looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger]

Brandon: You....Right! Tie him down.

[Fatcatalumnus and Rosenberg make a pathetic attempt to tie Rodriguez to the sheet of NCAA Major Violations]

Brandon: Right! How do you plead?

Rodriguez: Innocent.

Brandon: Ha! Right! Cardinal, make the public [oh dear] make the public believe the violations.

[Rosenberg stands there awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders]

Rosenberg: I....

Brandon: [gritting his teeth] I know, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.

Rosenberg: I...

Brandon: It makes it all seem so stupid.

Rosenberg: Shall I...?

Brandon: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Rosenberg pretends to publish the violations in the Free Press using a plastic coated dish rack as a printing press]

[Cut to them torturing Rodriguez]

Brandon: Now, Rodriguez -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by Game Captains, heresy by Hick Accent, heresy by Not Understanding the Rivalry, and heresy by the Number One Jersey -- four counts. Do you confess?

Rodriguez: I don't understand what I'm accused of.

Brandon: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Rosenberg! Fetch...THE INFLATABLE MICHIGAN MAN SEX DOLL!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Rosenberg holds out an INFLATABLE MICHIGAN MAN SEX DOLL]

Rosenberg: Here it is, Lord.

Brandon: Now, Rodriguez -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of Tiny Slot Ninjas, reject the works of Casteel -- two last chances. And you shall be free -- three last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.

Rodriguez: I don't know what you're talking about.

Brandon: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke him with the Inflatable Michigan Man Sex Doll!

[Rosenberg carries out this rather pathetic torture]

Brandon: Confess! Confess! Confess!

Rosenberg: It doesn't seem to be hurting him, Lord.

Brandon: Have you got all the air in the schlong?

Rosenberg: Yes, Lord.

Brandon [angrily hurling away the Inflatable Michigan Man Sex Doll]: Hmm! He is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fatcatalumnus! Fetch...THE $2.5 MILLION BUYOUT!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Zoom into Fatcatalumnus's horrified face]

Fatcatalumnus [terrified]: The...$2.5 million buyout?

[Rosenberg pushes in a GIANT PILE OF MONEY]

Brandon: So you think you are strong because you can survive the Inflatable Michigan Man Sex Doll. Well, we shall see. Rosenberg! Put him in the Giant Pile of Money!

[They roughly push him into the Giant Pile of Money]

Brandon [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Giant Pile of Money until another coaching job opens up, with only a year-long break on ESPN as an analyst. [Aside, to Rosenberg] Is that really all it is?

Rosenberg: Yes, Lord.

Brandon: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, man. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!

Rosenberg: I confess!

Brandon: Not you!

exeunt

Let me begin this post by stating I am 51 years old and have been in management for the past 25 years.  I have hired and fired people for the bulk of my adult life and currently have direct and indirect supervision over 120 people.  And I am well aware of Dave Brandon's professional accomplishments in the business world and have met him and heard him speak several times prior to his appointment as AD.

I am baffled, therefore, at his breaking of one of the oldest rules in management with his dismissal of RR last week.  And that is you NEVER terminate an employee (unless terminating for cause) unless you have a superior replacement selected and ready to go when you do.  To take out a person in a critical functioning capacity as well as his entire support staff without having the new HC ready to step in immediately is very dangerous and will make the subsequent transition period ripe with potential problems.  For example my company recently completed an acquisition of a competing firm and and we wanted to take out their existing executive team but we didn't do it until we had recruited the replacements!  Firing them before hand would've put every employee at flight-risk as they would have nowhere to turn for guidance and each of them would ask themselves "am I next?"   This is such a basic and fundamental rule of management I cannot believe it was broken.

Which leads me to my original question.   What exactly happened last Wednesday?  How is it possible that RR wasn't fired, then he was the next day.  This too is something you learn in management early on - never drag out the termination process.  Fire them quickly, let them vent and then answer questions.  You don't conduct a "Chinese water torture" on the person being let go.   This rule seems to have been broken as well and I can't help but wonder why given Brandon's obvious experience in these matters.

I wonder if Rich did, in fact, get the ultimatum "fire all your defensive assistants and you can stay" and he refused.  Many of us (myself included) theorized that DB would have such a conversation with RR at the end of the season and perhaps he did.  And if he did and RR refused EVERYTHING that happened afterwards makes sense.  DB would have to fire RR because he would be in defiance of his directive.  The firing would be delayed a day as RR decided what to do.  And DB might not have a "plan B" because he never imagined Rich wouldn't acquiesce to his demands for a new defensive staff.

What do you guys think?

Going forward I have a serious concern that RichRod may have crippled Michigan football for years to come. To be blunt, his NCAA academic progress rate bordered on horrible.

2010 numbers are not out yet, but given what we know happened with academics and the team this year I am fairly worried that things got worse.

2009 report link in PDF: http://web1.ncaa.org/app_data/apr2009/418_2009_apr.pdf

Football, as of June, had an 897. Not only are we facing contermpoeneous penalties, but based on his tending we may be facing historic penalties.

We know Tate failed and is likely to leave the school. If Michigan did not improve over 900 for 2010 and he is counted as leaving after a failure we face a loss of 10 percent of program scholarships.

We already have gotten our warning letter, which means even if Tate is not counted as leaving school after a failure, we will still lose scholarships and practice time if RichRod did not get us back over 900.

If the trend is not corrected next season we lose post season play.