a terrible blight on our fine country
Ace: "I only want to note that I didn’t write the lyrics for this song"
He hid it pretty well. And impressively, Ace's friends and Facebook friends stayed loyal through the entire search. But there are deep corners of the internet. Deeper than the places even an internet wizard like Ace knows about. I'm talking about Russian servers that downloaded everything free music sites were putting out in 2002 before the DRM people got good at it. Even if the servers have been wiped, the information is still there. Information like the names of band members (excavated from Twitter by kevin holt):
@cjane87 Holy crap, Jonny has made some major moves since being the drummer in our high school ska band.
— Ace Anbender (@AceAnbender) May 29, 2015
Like a woolly mammoth from the 2000th century BCE, it takes only a small effort to bury things and a massive coordinated project to dig it back up. This could not have been unearthed without the help of a massive team of excavators. In particular user Knight followed the crumb above to get where JZ, Dave and I did last night (we were working through a list of local ska bands), then took it a step further by finding a recording in the Ann Arbor District Library. A2Photonut and Skurnie both got the track from the library and emailed it to me. The latter, whom you may remember as the guy who writes our M soccer posts, also offered a suggestion:
Now we need someone to mash up this song with a Happy Gilmore montage.
Done. If anyone else would like to lose their dignity in solidarity, here's the thread.
SO MANY CLICKY CLICKS
Hello. At MGoBlog, we link all kind of things. Some of these things are behind paywalls. We've always tried to leave something useful behind those paywalls, whether that's by only quoting a few sentences or leaving it alone for days or months before we get around to our post on Player X. (With few exceptions, this site goes for thoroughness over immediacy.) But occasionally what we do raises hackles.
Sometimes we get yelled at for quoting people. Sometimes we get yelled at for not quoting people. Usually when people get mad I say "if you want we can stop using your stuff" and they say "well…," because a link with a ($) is also an ad for them. Comments here will occasionally say "I dropped my subscription to X because of MGoBlog" and while that's accurate for that guy it's clearly not accurate for everybody.
Here's the lay of the land when it comes to Michigan recruiting sites.
What we do
We have twice-weekly roundups of whatever's out there, from the three major recruiting services (Rivals, 247, and Scout) or newspapers or blogs with original reporting.
When a player commits we do a Hello post that summarizes the player's rankings, offers, stats, and scouting. We'll revisit them after Signing Day in the recruiting profiles.
What they do
Daily updates with indications as to where recruits are leaning—not gospel, broadly accurate. More in depth scouting. Some video, though these days Hudl has all the highlights you care to watch.
They also have program stuff—every site had extensive coverage of the coaching search. While that doesn't differentiate them much from this space, they have insider stuff on practices, players to watch, coaching moves, the works. The recent shoe contract negotiations are a better example. Most of them were publishing stuff about it more frequently than we did.
In general, they publish more, and more frequently, and are better-connected to the program. We will use a subsection of their posts later—often months later—in order to give you an overview of the recruiting situation or a particular player.
Why to subscribe
If you go into withdrawal between Monday and Thursday recruiting roundups; if you would like to have a very good feel for where player X is leaning; if you want their scouting more completely and (sometimes) much more quickly; if you want the comprehensive inside chatter now and not later.
Each also has a message board community. We have a message board community, but it's not for everybody. It can be harsh around here for people who don't fit; it is possible that certain MGoBlog readers will find a community of like-minded fans on a premium site elsewhere. That alone can be worth more than the cost of admission.
[After THE JUMP: an overview of your options.]
We will now attempt to answer your questions (last updated: July 17 by Seth).
What's the latest?
DUOs accidentally got an extra copy. Due to a mix-up with our fulfillment people, who tried to speed along the process, 181 "DUO" backers got a signed copy in addition to the two from your order. Since they didn't de-dupe either, some of you got two signed books. We can't really walk this back, so enjoy. If you feel strongly that you should pay this back (you don't have to pay this back), buy something from the MGoStore, or put $19.85 into Beveled Guilt. If you think you should pay this forward, put $20 toward your charity of choice.
Shirt level and above: Your second book is SIGNED. If you chose a $50+ option on the Kickstarter, you should have been among the first receive your first copies. Your second copy is a signed by Brian and will ship with your shirt.
T-shirts are now being printed. They'll be in the mail with your signed copies over the next few weeks. People who chose this year's shirt go first since that's most of you.
Your Kickstarter copy should have come. If you backed the Kickstarter and got us your address before 6/30 you should have any unsigned copy already. If you don't by Monday, email me.
If your inbox is filled with requests for your address you should send me that. As of last count we're down to 18 people who haven't done so. I'll bug you one more time in a few weeks and then I'll take the hint.
ANSWERS TO FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
I missed the Kickstarter can I buy a book?
Yes! Current options:
|The Book (Printed)||Kindle Edition||Digital Edition (PDF)|
|(Draft Kings Deal)||(please review)||(Draft Kings Deal)|
not to scale
I have a writeup on these options here. They will be available in stores too but not many because we have no newstand distribution (we would welcome newsstand distribution).
Where's my stuff?
[Just hit the jump.]
If you're new to this site or the boards use this page to familiarize yourself with some of the site-specific terms thrown around here (we'll try to limit these on front page content). I broke these off from the FAQ because the list had grown too long to be valuable there.
27 for 27 When Fitzgerald Toussaint ran for 27 yards on 27 carries against Penn State in the dumbest football game ever played.
AIRBHG Angry Iowa Running Back Hating God. The most wrathful position-hating god in the pantheon, inspired by Angry Michigan Safety Hating God.
Big Daddy They're not little brother anymore.
Bolivia Board jargon for banned poster, from "negged to bolivian," meaning oblivion.
Brady Hoke's Pet Viking Former All American center Steve Everitt, who stands behind Brady Hoke and looks like a viking. Also wears MGoShirts.
BRI Bo Ryan Index: the percentage of photos in the first three rows of that person's Google image search in which they look enraged, incredulous, furious, or are expressing something otherwise unpleasant.
Bo Ryan's BRI is 94%
Buckle Up A commitment is impending.
CC Coaching change. Message board header prefix during coaching searches.
Cooler Poopers If you don't get it, take the literal meaning and add Ohio State tailgaters. Origin.
Crimes Against Manpanda Running MANBALL ISOs from the I-formation to no or negative effect when you have the world's greatest running QB on your roster. Origin: 2011 disaster vs. Iowa.
Cumong. "Come on!" with gusto.
(The) Daves The 2002 offensive line (Pearson, Baas & Petruziello), or any nondescript group of maulers from the '90s and aughts.
Dennis Bergkamp! Once upon a time in 2010 this one quarterback busted out for 78 yards for a touchdown. Because American Football Commentators are Boring, the preferred method for reliving this moment is set to a Dutch guy calling a Bergkamp goal.
Dog Groomers The nine-to-five occupation of the people who wrote "In the Big House" despite the presence of a perfectly good band.
Donkeys / Hating donkeys. Donkeys are defensive ends/linebackers/etc. Donkey hate is a kind of burro abuse practiced by excellent offensive linemen.
Facepalm Guy. When the camera panned the student section in UTL1 for an instant react, this fan gave the camera man a no-no-no.
FAKE! All 40 times are fake.
Football Armageddon The 2006 Michigan-Ohio State game.
Fusion Cuisine Originally Al Borges-Denard Fusion Cuisine, but since expanded to refer to any mismatches between coordinator style/player archetypes.
Game...blouses Remember that Chappelle Show skit where Charlie Murphy recalls a pickup basketball game versus Prince and the Revolution, and Prince hangs on the rim and says... It reminds us of Stauskas.
GERG Term for incompetent person named Greg. Usually Greg Robinson, Michigan's defensive coordinator in 2009-'10, or his Iowa offensive coordinating alterego Greg Davis.
Get Off My Lawn I have been cultivating every blade since 1969 and I'll be hognozzled if some young whippersnappers show the unmitigated gall to trample it like a Buckeye on a banner. What you don't remember that either? /throws up hands.
(The) Happening Nickname for the coaching "search" of 2014 that netted Harbaugh, from the constant "It's Happening!" memes throughout that process (see The Process)
Hennechart Passing chart in Upon Further Review. MGoBlog's system for charting quarterback play, named for the first man to be charted. Abbreviation explanations can be found here.
Henri the Otter of Ennui An otter with a French name that rhymes with the proper pronunciation of ennui. Henri appears when the numbness sets in. Origin.
(The) Horror Think of something so horrifying that could happen to Michigan football that it would thereafter only be referred to as "The Horror." Think of the first thing that an enemy fan will use when they want to give a Michigan fan a taste of what hell must be like. That's "The Horror." Now stop thinking about that and think about how adorable kittens can be. Soooo adorable!
HOWEVA Stephen A. Smith reference; if you don't know, be thankful.
IANAJTTP I am not a journalist, that's the point.
JMFJ Jack Mother [Effing] Johnson. Variant: JMFR for Jake Ryan.
Lloyd Brady A fan with a distinctive bowl cut who always seems to be captured by the TV cameras in the front row, and is usually pretty happy looking.
Manbearfreak Carson Butler. A commenter or two still refers to Butler as "manbearfreak" or "MBF," which was confusing even to me until I looked it up. A conflation of "Manbearpig" from South Park and "freak," generally used to describe any unusually athletic specimen who plays football. Appears exactly once in the vast and multifarious MGoBlog archives:
Carson Butler. Manbearfreak.
Manball Manblocking and power running offense concepts predicated on pushing the defense out of the way to create lanes.
MANBALL (see Crimes Against Manpanda)
Miami (Yes That Miami) or Miami (YTM) the University of Miami in Florida is That Miami.
Miami (NTM) (Not That Miami), Miami University in Oxford, Ohio.
MIKE (verb) Cardinal rule of pass blocking assignments. Always MIKE before you hike.
M00N How the scoreboard read for most of the 2014 Michigan-Northwestern game:
Monkey Rodeo An animated gif of monkey cowboys riding dogs, favored by livebloggers.
Mr. Plow Justin Boren, who was incensed that Rich Rodriguez wouldn't let him go back home on the weekends to help out with his dad's snowplow business. His whereabouts are currently unknown.
Muppets After important victories MGoBlog posts the Muppet Glee Club versions of "Temptation" and "Hawaiian War Chant", the two songs the band plays after wins.
Nachoshorts See Tacopants
Negbang Board jargon for excessive downvoting (antonym: "Posbang"). A person who posts an unpopular comment on the board and receives 50 negative votes or more can be said to be "Negbanged."
Never Forget … the erstwhile defensive backs of 2009-2010. Usually posted with the official banner:
(The) New Math Nickname for Mario Manningham. Comes from post conveniently titled "The New Math" after the 2005 Penn State game. General implication is that 86 == 1 and Manningham is unpossible.
NSFMF Not so fast, my friend.
(NTM) or (YTM) or (NT[any letter/s]): See Miami (Yes That Miami)
NTTAWWT Not that there's anything wrong with that.
(nv) Nisi Vanderbiltum, a Latin shorthand for excluding Vanderbilt from blanket statements made about the SEC. Coined by Seth.
Oakland is Still in Play for Jim Harbaugh because no amount of evidence will convince NFL beat writers a marketable pro head coach would take a college job.
OHIO! Ohio University in Athens, Ohio. In caps and punctuated to differentiate from how Brady Hoke referred to Ohio State.
OMG Shirtless Sometime during the 2005 recruiting year I received a number of hits for "Tim Tebow shirtless." At that point Tebow was a heavily pursued quarterback recruit and not Chris Leak's china-destroying sidekick. I endeavored to help this lonely, lonely person but could only find a picture of Tebow in a basketball jersey. Thus was born the Shirt Scale of recruiting rankings; these days it's about 50-50 as to whether or not a panting reference to a five-star freakystud gets tagged as shirtless, depending on whim.
OT Off topic. Used in message board headers to denote something not related to Michigan sports, Big Ten, relevant college athletics, or University of Michigan/Ann Arbor things.
Poor Damn Toussaint or Poor Damn [name] because we couldn't tell how good he is from the pile of nobody blocking around him. See 27 for 27.
Posbang see Negbang
(The) Process Dave Brandon's buzzword for why we needed seven weeks (OSU game to mid-January) of reveling in the Glory of Dave Brandon before firing the obviously fired Rodriguez and hiring the only guy Brandon ever considered whom he could have hired any time.
Rapture Guy Basketball fan who reached pinnacle of human capacity for happiness.
Rock. See RPS
RPS Rock, Paper, Scissors. UFR phrasing for what coordinators do against each other with play calling. Mike DeBord believed anything could be defeated by proper execution of rock. Good ol' rock.
SIAP Sorry if already posted. Message board header that shouldn't exist because if you posted something you have already diligently checked to see if someone else did so already.
Snowflakes Board header prefix for hot takes. We are all unique and special, like snowflakes, thus all of our special snowflake thoughts are unique and special and belong in Snowflakes threads.
Special K Kenny Fisher from Can't Hardly Wait, who graduated with a degree in having sex from UCLA and now makes music selections to pump out at Michigan home games, with consultation from Pepsi.
StAEE Their football team may be Big Daddy (see Big Daddy) but if there's one fanbase you would guess could misspell their own name when vandalizing a car...
Swampball A swampy game played by an angry, legalistic species of sentient bug people on a planet near Rigel. Virtually indistinguishable from Wisconsin basketball under Bo Ryan (origin).
Tacopants is Jason Avant's eleven-foot tall imaginary friend. Chad Henne spent much of 2005 hitting him between the numbers, which are unfortunately eight feet off the ground and made of dreams. Blessed with infinite eligibility and the ability to sneak on and off the field without alerting the referees -- made of dreams, remember -- Tacopants has taken a lesser role in the offense as Henne matures but still pops up at inopportune times. The term has its genesis in this post. Cousin Nachoshorts is three apples high and yet still too tall to grab turfed Steven Threet screen passes.
UFR or Upon Further Review The painstaking play-by-play analysis of offensive and defensive performance after football games. A database of past UFRs is available in the User HoF.
Uniformz Alternate uniforms, not good ones.
Unverified Voracity Voracity is a weird word to come after "unverified," especially when dealing with a sports blog and not, say, a blog about rumored hunger. The deal: back when the sporadic link-filled posts were untitled, some Iowa sportswriter penned what was to the the first in a long line of intemperate columns ragging on blogs for having the audacity to not be written by sportswriters. Unfortunately for that sportswriter, she inserted the following sentence:
In the new "journalism of assertion," as the report calls it, information is offered with little time and little attempt to independently verify its voracity. [sic]
Sarcasm being what it is, UV was born shortly after.
We Had Subs, It Was Crazy. Beilein endearingly describing the chaos of two grandkids' birthdays in two days between the Elite 8 and Final 4 weekends in 2013. Became a handy bit of nonsense to yell when this occurred:
Win the Game! Mitch McGary's sage advice for beating MSU.
(The) Year of Infinite Pain is 2005, a time before we knew what pain was.
YMRMFSPA You may remember me from such players as. Used in recruiting profiles to say what kind of player a recruit may turn out to be if he works out.
(YTM) or (NTM) or (NT[any letter/s]): See Miami (YTM)
a more pleasant item to lead the blog
When I write a thing of that length that I figure will stand as one of the things people think about when they think about MGoBlog, I like to talk about the aftermath.
WHY. A number of protests were lodged about why I wouldn't just leave the past in the past and move on. There are multiple reasons that post needed to happen.
- I needed an elucidation of the argument I couldn't quite make when I was on with Dan Dakich in the aftermath of the email article. The way in which Brandon screwed up so hard with Morris was a natural result of the way he approached every petty problem he met previously, an indication that he was a terrible leader for reasons both private and public.
- This is a space that tries to document what happens to Michigan. I got the same complaints about my Rich Rodriguez obit. We mostly look backwards here, talking about what has happened. Not having a summary of the Brandon era would have been a glaring omission. I do these for players annually, usually in the magazine. Hoke will get a (much less incendiary) recap as well.
- Never forget. For this to not happen again we must identify the problem and remain vigilant against its recurrence. Those who forget history, etc.
Now that I've said my piece we can move on. Harbaugh excelsior.
WHY NOW. A variant on the previous bullet:
Brian's post has no new information or even new feelings or analysis of information he compiled. It doesn't even have information or ideas new to his own previous posts on this blog. Why did he do this? I'm genuinely curious. It's like a political post mortem in The New Republic or Investor's Business Daily against a vanquished foe, but an untimely one. Has the piece been on his desktop for the last several months awaiting completion? Was he waiting for additional DB shoes to drop that would need inclusion? Was it an incredible stream-of-consciouness thing that just kinda poured out of him over a few very intense hours? I don't know, but I'd like to. Brian?
I will say that it is very clearly grave dancing, but it's Baryshnikov or Shakira cutting the rug, or dirt or whatever (apologies to dance fans if these examples are crap, but you get the picture).
Brandon was canned during football season, when time for a 5k word piece was not available. Then we had the coaching search, which sucked up all available oxygen—I barely thought about this piece until Harbaugh was in the boat. After that was the recruiting sprint to Signing Day. All of these things took precedence; now that we're past all that it was time.
FWIW, the piece was assembled in bursts, with a slim majority of it coming together in the last couple days.
On calling someone a piece of shit human being. Some protests about that phrasing. This seems like different borders for a term. Complaints about it tended to invoke physical violence against innocents, ISIS, Boko Haram, assertions verging on Godwin and occasionally directly invoking it. I would file such things under "evil," "monstrous," etc. Being a shitty person doesn't rise to that level.
I did get a very long, well-argued email from a walk-on who had been around for a portion of the Brandon era asking me to separate out my critiques of the man from critiques of the athletic director. It cited a number of positive personal interactions with Brandon, and it's true that the one group of people universally in his corner are student-athletes. John U Bacon invited me to present a guest lecture to one of his classes this fall; as fate would have it that date landed about ten days after the Morris incident. Bacon's class was split about down the middle between athletes and regular students, and when I expressed my opinion about Brandon bluntly I got equally blunt pushback from a couple of the athletes.
I appreciate that point of view. I reject it all the same. Brandon was clearly not an asshole to all people. That does not excuse the careers he shattered for little or no reason or the condescension to people trying to talk to him politely. I still can't get over the guy taking shots at some emailer's marriage when he was being painfully polite whilst trying to explain why Brandon had caused him an issue by telling his wife to find a new team. It doesn't excuse the relentless strip-mining of Michigan's primary asset, fan goodwill, in order to make the spreadsheet numbers go in the right direction. It doesn't excuse the constant litany of untruths culminating in a five-day firestorm based on the fact that Brandon's first reaction to any crisis was to lie.
I believe his interactions with the student-athletes were genuine and positive. I don't judge people based on how they treat their most favored class of person. Nixon had a dog, after all.
On giving money to Mott. There's a parable about this.
On cancer kid. It's easy to be nice to kids with cancer, especially when you trumpet it from the mountain. It's standard practice to be open to Make-a-Wish; not doing so results in major backlash and Brandon's not a literal psychopath. When these arguments are made I always think of the Chris Rock bit about how you're not SUPPOSED to go to jail, you low-expectations-havin' mofo.
On the civility of the previous bullet point. Not very civil, I agree. I did weigh that, but I felt that pulling punches in any way here was 1) not going to be credible and 2) did a disservice to the lesson learned. I often write swears in first drafts that get edited out later, sometimes to my regret. There is something about the well-placed expletive that gets a point across in a way I cannot seem to replicate with less naughty language, and this was a full-auto post.
On the shittiness of those emails. From user Evenyoubrutus:
What convinced me of how clueless he really was was his email that said "I suggest you find a new team to support." This was clear proof that he was still trying to sell pizzas instead of honoring the tradition of Michigan Football. Yes, if you don't like Domino's, try Pizza Hut. But I don't have over two decades of memories of sitting down at Domino's with my dad since I was a fucking CHILD eating the pizza, and memorobilia of Domino's items and memories in my house, and I don't dream of sharing the same experiences eating Domino's with my young boys, or memories of watching Domino's win championships and feeling some of the happiest moments of my life because Domino's! "Find a new team to support" Okay. Ass.
On things I missed. Inevitably there were going to be issues and problems with the Brandon era I missed, even in a post pushing 5k words. A selection:
- BursleyHall82 reminds us that it was only a sustained campaign from MVictors that finally got Brandon to relent and allow Willis Ward to be honored and his story told.
- I did not mention "The Process" via which Rodriguez was fired. That two-day dog and pony show was a quintessential example of doing something ostentatious to look impressive instead of just getting it over with quickly. Hackett fired Hoke and announced it in about 10 minutes, because he is not concerned with looking impressive. (Hackett occasionally dresses like Seinfeld's dad because he gets things done instead of picking out clothes.)
- JeepinBen points out I didn't mention the press blitz after the Morris incident or the infamous "my personality is to the best of my ability and I have to fix that" statement. That was triply odious: Brandon hired a PR firm only after he'd burned the house down and then spent Michigan's money trying to prop himself up instead of repairing the damage he'd done. Add in the content of said blitz and you've got a triple. Oh, and he invoked his family as a shield. Home run.
- I missed the giant Brandontron next to the stadium.
- And of course whenever I bring it up more people add their stories to the list, including this gentleman who was dismayed because the athletic department tried to charge the hospital a licensing fee for sick babies in winged helmets.
- There are many, many stories of people in the department being treated shabbily from Jon Falk on down. I didn't mention most of them because I hear most of them indirectly. Bacon's upcoming book on all this should shed a lot of light in this department; he reports that he has never seen people more eager to talk to him.
On revenues as a measuring stick. A common defense of Brandon is to point at the budget. I've repeatedly stated why I don't buy that argument but I've never stated it as eloquently as Blue Durham did in a comment on the post:
Increased revenues from sources like the Big Ten Channel can't be attributed to anything that he had done, and others, like Brian refers to, like the sale of water or the hoped-for rental of seat cushions(!), bring in little but have a great, negative impact in PR. So where is Brandon's biggest contribution in increasing revenues?
As far as I can tell, it was by increasing ticket prices. But all that did was to sell off an asset built up by preceding ADs, the waiting list and goodwill of fans, alumni, and students. When I was an undergraduate and graduate student at UM in the 1980's, everyone knew that the AD could have easily charged more for tickets.
But I think this was part of a policy to try to treat current students as future donors, and for the alumni, as a way to stay connected to the University in order to have more generous donors. Obviously this worked given all of the alumni events that occur every fall that revolve around a home football game.
All Brandon did was sell this asset off, to the University's detriment. This is akin to a kid selling is father's car and taking credit for all of the money he made doing it without taking into account the value of the car.
The damage he wrought in that department will be felt for years, or at least until HARBAUGH
On solutions. User Njia protests that the post was an unconstructive bombing. Guilty as charged. I'll put together something about the direction to go in an effort to rebuild ground zero.
The unedited post is available as an e-book for 50 bucks. To buy one, just go to this video of Rick Astley singing "Never Gonna Give You Up."
And now let's never talk about… that again.