At press time, Harbaugh had sent Michigan’s athletic department an envelope containing a heavily annotated seating chart, a list of the 63,000 seat views he had found unsatisfactory, and a glowing 70-page report on section 25, row 12, seat 9, which he claimed is “exactly what the great sport of football is all about.”
Blue Dudes and Dudettes,
I would like to address the need for Michigan players to actualize their empowering feelings of swag-aciousness. I'm talking about confidence, swagger. These kids, and the coaches, too, are going to be nervous on August 30th. Hell, the fans are nervous. (More nervous about Utah and Notre Dame than Global Heating . . . what a species.)
I'm making a plea for generous, loving fan support of these kids who have worked so damn hard. We can't be sunshine patriots, latent adults, morons with attitude when kids drop passes, fumble, miss tackles, go offsides, etc. We have to cheer for our team and carry them through their mistakes, show the love even when they make mistakes. This will help our players play less tight, more fluidly, more aggressively, more swag-aciously. They'll be having fun rather than "hoping not to fail." The hormonal release generated by swag-aciousness means neurons will fire faster and cleaner, thereby generating more veracious messages to the muscles.
Furthermore, my blue fannies, I audaciously venture to speculate that most of the adults fans have made mistakes in their lives, though not in front of 100,000 screaming people and millions more on TV. Why just last week I crunched a squirrel under my car while making an illegal U turn. Later, I had a disparaging thought about the 350lb woman in front of me at the liquor store who dropped her debit card and couldn't pick it up. (And I wasn't even nervous.)
So, while I realize that losses negatively impact the testosterone levels of male fans, please, support the kids, especially the QBs, and help build their schwag.