The NFL Grinch---a bitter, grouchy, internet-dwelling creature with a heart "two sizes too small"—heard all the noisy coaching festivities in Blueville. Annoyed, he decided to steal Christmas.
He pretended to be Santa Claus. He brought a bag of Super Bowl rings to Santa Clara (no, not Santa’s sister but the city where JH worked). Offering this bag of tricks in trade, the Grinch tried to steal from JH the 49 million presents that Blueville gave him. To do so, the NFL Grinch concocted not a crafty lie but a meaningless truism. He argued to JH that “Only in the NFL can you win the NFL Championship.” It was like saying: “ Only in Alabama can you visit the Alabama State Capitol.” or “Only at Grant’s Tomb can you see Grant’s final resting place.” Inhabitants of Blueville instantly saw the NFL Grinch’s ruse for what is was: just empty words from somebody full of himself
But the residents of Blueville worried still that the Grinch would steal JH and ruin their Christmas. They worried until a sports statistician working for JH showed him why the SB rings were fool’s gold. He pointed out that
-One of the best teams in NFL history went 18-0 but did not get a SB ring.
-One of the greatest coaches ever--Bill Belichick—who had won 3 SBs---has not won a single SB so far in the past ten years despite each year being atop the AFC East
-Oakland never even had a winning record for the past 12 years and to win a SB in 6 years would take more than a miracle. Suppose a new miracle worker coach could turn them into the Seattle Seahawks in 6 years. Say, their preseason SB odds increased constantly from their preseason 200-1 to 6-1 (the odds for Seattle). Even then, the chances of a single SB win during ALL of the first five years would be 0.05. —that’s less than the chances of winning a roulette bet on zero (0 ,00). During the coach’s final, 6th year—after he’s turned them into the Seahawks-- the probability of a SB win still would be only 0.14—about the chances you’d win in Vegas by betting on craps (2,3,12).
So, JH saw that the NFL Grinch’s argument about the SB was BS. Looking at his friends and family, as well as the young players and recruits in Blueville, he also realized that Christmas meant a bit more to him than a bag of rings from the NFL Grinch. JH then rejoined the joyous inhabitants of Blueville, who were singing the Victors. They all thanked JH for defeating the Grinch and saving Christmas. Then, in the far above clouds, the honorary major of Blueville—named bl-Ufer said: “God bless his cotton pickin' maize and blue heart.”
Go Lions! Go Bucs! Go Harbaugh!
OT=?? but always fun to watch a Michigan Alum coaching in the NFL regardless of the circumstances. May hear the word Penultimate alot tonight.
Where do you think he will be drafted?
As close to a must win as you can get for the Lions this week. If they can't put up points on an awful Bears secondary, it's just not ever going to happen. Go Lions!
The 7-2 Lions travel into the desert to face the 8-1 Cardinals. I woke up today more excited for this Lions game than I have been since Barry Sanders retired. Carson Palmer is out for the Cardinals and the spartan Drew Stanton gets the start.