no wonder we hired Hunter Lochmann
I had sex with Colt McCoy and I'm a guy
I was fortunate enough to be on the field at the Fiesta Bowl which allowed me to get close enough to the action to understand the game inside the game and to hear the players talking. Here is the critical 3rd quarter TD drive by Texas interspersed with the play by play.
McCoy: Come on girls let’s get moving. Move move. Just go over there and bend over.
Texas OL 1: ?
McCoy: I’ll tell you the play at the line. Just go.
Colt McCoy pass complete to James Kirkendoll for 9 yards to the Texas 31 for a 1ST down.
OSU DL 1: What the hell is going on?
OSU DL 2: no idea.
Chris Ogbonnaya rush for 9 yards to the Texas 40.
McCoy: Keep moving girls. Daddy’s watching!
OSU DL 1: Are we really being beat by that guy?
OSU DL 2: He’s not doing the thing where they group together…
OSU DL 1: Huddle?
OSU DL 2: Yeah, is that legal.
Texas penalty 10 yard holding accepted.
OSU DL 1: guess not.
Colt McCoy pass incomplete to Peter Ullman, broken up by Anderson Russell.
Ohio St penalty 15 yard pass interference accepted.
OSU DB 1: WTF, I’m tired. I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to be in on this play. Ima get paid either way.
Little Animal: You guys want to meet my Dad after the game.
OSU DL 1: Why don’t you put on those stupid, spiky shoulder pads and shut up.
Little Animal: Coach said they weren’t legal. They were just for the pictures.
Foswhitt Whittaker rush for a loss of 3 yards to the Texas 42.
Colt McCoy rush for 12 yards to the OhSt 46.
McCoy: I’m so pretty! Look at me!
Texas: Dude they just showed your girlfriend on TV. Now she’s hot!
McCoy: Girlfriend? Oh yeah, my girlfriend… She has such beautiful hair. Keep moving ladies! Daddy never loved me!
Cody Johnson rush for a loss of 1 yard to the OhSt 47.
Rashad Bobino rush for 2 yards to the OhSt 45 for a 1ST down.
OSU DL 1: weren’t they supposed to punt a second ago?
OSU DL 2: Dude, who has any idea what’s going on?
Colt McCoy pass complete to Chris Ogbonnaya for 5 yards to the OhSt 40.
Chris Ogbonnaya rush for 2 yards to the OhSt 38.
Colt McCoy pass complete to Jordan Shipley for 2 yards to the OhSt 36.
OSU DB 1: I think the line of scrimmage is way back there. And you guys have been off sides for like 3 plays.
OSU DL 1: Fuck off. You see that San Diego game where the DB was all "Reggie Wayne what?" I think that is about to happen to you.
OSU DB 1: Why, did they put in Peyton Manning?
Cody Johnson rush for 2 yards to the OhSt 34 for a 1ST down.
OSU DL 1: Peyton’s no Tom Brady but I’m pretty sure we’re still getting beat by the dude named after a baby horse.
Heacock: Soft zone, soft zone. Works every time.
OSU DB 1: Aren’t they close enough to kick a FG yet?
OSU DL 1: Maybe their kicker guy isn’t any good?
OSU DB 1: They can borrow ours because I’m fucking tired. Is there any way to slow that dude down? Make them do that huddle thing?
Shawn Crable: You could try hitting him the head.
Colt McCoy pass complete to Chris Ogbonnaya for 8 yards to the OhSt 34, Ohio St penalty 12 yard personal foul accepted for a 1ST down.
OSU DL 1: Nope that didn’t work. Weird because it always does on Beanie.
Bike Hart: Beanie and I are bike buddies!
OSU DL 1: Ol’ Man Boeckman told me about this other way to score maybe he’s trying to do that.
OSU DL2: You talk to Ol’Man Boeckman?
OSU DL2: Dude he’s majoring in Molecular Genetics. He’s smart.
OSU DL1: I’m pretty sure that was Mr. Krenzel.
Colt McCoy rush for 14 yards for a TOUCHDOWN.
McCoy: Look at me! I’m the belle of the ball! Do like how my skirt flares when I twirl? I’m prancing just like a little pony!
OSU DL1: The fuck is that dude twirling for?
OSU DL2: They got 6 points for that shit. How many FGs we gonna have to kick to win now?
Tressel: Did you see that young man prance and twirl just like a beautiful little girl? I used to have a pony that pranced. I liked to put a pink bow in her hair and call her my pretty little pony.
dex: Did it look like a unicorn because, boy howdy, I sure like unicorns!
OSU punter: Is it time to punt yet coach?
Heacock: Yeah, Jim, I’m sure that was nice.
Tressel: I miss that pony.