I have been exasperated with some of the recent threads even mentioning the firing of RR five games into his tenure at Michigan. Anybody with half a mind could see that this year would be a struggle. We sustained the loss of all time record holders in passing and rushing, the loss of a number one draft pick on the line, two explosive receivers and instituted a brand new system with players often ill equipped to run it. Hell, if Lloyd Carr were here, can we honestly say our record would be different? The recruiting class looks to be awesome.
I decided to review some of RRs pressers for some reassurance or to see what some of these naysayers are picking up on to suggest such a brash, ill-conceived course. Then it hit me. I, like Colonel Kurtz “… realized--like I was shot...like I was shot with a diamond...a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, "My God, the genius of that, the genius, the will to do that." Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure”. RR does need to be fired, and fast. But not for the reasons our Friends would suggest.
Rich Rodriquez is going bald. Sure, he can cover it up with a hat. He can try to fool himself and others with his oh, so short haircut, but the end is coming. Soon he will display, in the words of George Costanza “the classic horseshoe pattern”. No big deal, right? It doesn’t take hair to win football games. WRONG! Hair and winning college football go together like Joe Paterno and a change of underwear.
Let’s look at the all time win leaders in college football. John Gagliardi at St. Johns College in MN, 453 wins and going strong and pretty good hair for an old guy. Eddie Robinson had a nice natural going. When it receded with age, so did his success. Amos Alonzo Stagg had some wiry Mark Twain lettuce. Bear Bryant had some good hair under that hounds tooth hat. Three words for Pop Warner—thick, thick, thick. Delaware’s Tubby Raymond (a former Wolverine under Fritz Crisler) was, and is, a silver fox. E. Kentucky’s Roy Kidd and Pacific Lutheran’s Frosty Westering were receding and bald, respectively but they were 1AA and lower—THIS IS DIVISION 1 FOOTBALL! Paterno will begin to lose skin before he loses any hair and Bowden has lost more games than strands of hair in the last few years.
If we were talking basketball there would be no worries. Your Tarkanians and Auerbachs glorious pates reflected well upon their programs. One might feel the need to bring up Knute Rockne. Yes, he was quite successful for a follicularly-challanged coach. I will address that in another piece entitled “Why Knute Rockne had to die”. I would also counter with Jimmy Fuckin’ Johnson.
Therefore, I am a flip flopper. I was wrong. Despite all rational arguments to the contrary, RR needs to go. I will join the ranks of those calling for his soon to be shiny head. Begin the next coaching search in a barber shop. Might I suggest one in Baton Rouge?