spoiler alert: i linked this
In the latest episode of 'We Only Care About Wins,' Penn State will be wearing "409" on their hockey helments tonight with the basketball team wearing "409" T-shirts tomorrow for their warm-ups. Disgusting if you ask me.
Congrats! You're the new head coach at the University of Michigan! It's a wonderful university with a rich academic and athletic history. The product on the field was a tire-fire in 2014, but you know that. Hopefully you're good enough at "coaching football" even if you don't know "The Victors" yet.
You should know that there are 2 parts to coaching Michigan - being a good football coach and knowing how to bullshit/placate your base. I'm hoping you're proficient at the former and that's why you're here. In terms of the latter:
You'll get asked about being a "Michigan Man". Here's how you should answer that: 'When Coach Schembechler said that "A Michigan Man should coach Michigan" he was referring to a basketball coach shopping his services. Why anyone would want to leave this great university is beyond me. I'm here because I want to be here. I'm here to help make this the greatest football program in the country and I'll put 100% into that every day. I don't know the words to The Victors yet, but I know I'll hear them after every Touchdown and Turnover, so I'll be hearing it often. My staff will start every meeting with it and we will embody everything that this great university stands for.' (If you've got a tie to Michigan history, use it here. Say you're from the same area of WV as Yost... sigh... or if you coached at Miami like Bo, or something)
You'll get asked about former players. There are some high profile ones who are varying levels of happy with the program. To them you should say: "Any former player is welcome to my office any time I'm not with the team or preparing for a game. I'm creating an "Alumni Day" every fall when we welcome back any and every former football letterman during a game, in addition to the flag football game as part of our spring game. If any former letterman wants to attend a game, give me a call. Between myself and the AD we'll get you to the games that you need to go to. If you have a legacy recruit - a son, younger brother, cousin - no questions asked they will be offered a preferred walk-on spot here at Michigan. We have to make decisions that are best for the program and if we, as a staff, have scholarships available we'd love to offer them to your legacy.
You'll get asked about wearing a headset/coaches in the booth/on the field. Say that you have to balance communicating with your players and your staff and if you ever have an issue with either you'll change your behavior.
You'll get asked if this is an elite job. Answer "Yes. Winningest program (hopefully still :-( ), The Big House, glorious history and the best damn uniforms in sports. Michigan has all the tools to be an elite program and I'll to my best to win every single game we play every year."
You'll get asked about the B1G being Big tehhhhhnnnn "The B1G has a glorious history in football, but as a conference we need to do better in our non conference slate. There's no reason why every program in this conference can't commit the resources and personnel to be the best conference in the country. We are doing that at Michigan and hope everyone else does as well."
You'll get asked about Michigan State - say that you've got all the respect in the world for them, they've been doing great recently, and that you want to beat them by 20 every year.
You'll get asked about Ohio State - say that you've got all the respect in theworld for them, they've been doing great recently, and that you want to beat them by 50 every year.
You'll get asked a bunch of other bullshit. Realize that you could go 14-0 and win every game by 20. There will be Michigan fans who are upset because you didn't win by 30, or didn't score a point-a-minute, or your QB didn't "look" right, or you weren't as angry as they remember Bo being, or you yelled to much, or because you said that Zingermans is delicious but overpriced.
Don't worry about these people.
Worry about coaching the team, keeping them healthy, punting not-like-a-dinosaur, and winning some games. I hear that fixes everything.
I don't see how a matchup between LSU and Alabama represents a national title when there are at least 3 other worthwhile conferences that don't have a legitimate shot at saying who is the 'best in the nation'. The SEC is not a deep conference and consists of total bottomfeeders after the top 5. Most of their top 5 do not play each other - the two top SEC east teams have a combined 1 game against an SEC west contender (Arkansas). LSU and Alabama each do have one out of conference win with mention.
But let's be honest - you don't deserve a rematch to decide the entire nation when your game /at home/ was a loss.
If the SEC is so good, let them prove it by playing other conferences. Matchups I'd rather see for the national title game more than LSU-Alabama:
1. LSU vs 1-loss Stanford. Yes, Stanford will not play in its title game. However, you have a three-way dynamic between them, Oregon, and USC where they all beat each other. One loss in Autzen (any loss in Autzen looks ugly) is a lot more understandable than a home loss, even in overtime. They also haven't played LSU yet, and Alabama won't play in its title game either.
2. LSU vs 1-loss Oklahoma State. 1-loss AQ conference victor should always have a more legit shot than a team not playing for a conference title with 1 loss already at home seeking a rematch. Big 12 has more parity than SEC by far - Iowa State could have a shot at being an 8 win team right now if it had some of the schedules the SEC east teams have.
3. LSU vs 1-loss Va Tech (revenge win over clemson in ACC title game) - 1-loss AQ conference victor should always have a more legit shot than a team not playing for a conference title with 1 loss already at home seeking a rematch.
4. LSU vs Undefeated Houston - would shut everyone up about Non-AQ teams deserving a shot at the NC for the next 10 years, and would give us a crack at playing Nick Saban in the sugar bowl. This is the way for us to get the most challenging matchup possible.
5. LSU vs 1-loss Boise St - - would shut everyone up about Non-AQ teams deserving a shot at the NC for the next 10 years. Or, will make everyone shut up about the SEC being so good. This won't happen, but I'd rather see it than an Alabama rematch.
See: 2006 for reference as to why 1 vs 2 rematch is never a good idea. If you remember, a certain florida team had a garbage loss to an unranked auburn team...
(CFB needs a playoff etc)
I was watching the BGSU game on TV and the commentator said something about how a CB can look back for the ball and thus become an eligible reciever, nullifying most things that would otherwise be pass interference.
Is this true? Under what conditions does that work?
Also, does the instance Brian highlighted in the Offense UFR stop being PI (under the rules, looked like a weak call to me too) if the CB looks back for the ball?
Someone please explain.
This message was sent out to hockey season ticket holders:
On Saturday night, the number one team in the nation will be coming to Ann Arbor to play our Wolverines in front of sellout crowd here at Yost with even more hockey fans watching on Fox Sports. The overall fan support, thus far, has been great and we want to make sure our opponents and the television crowd see and hear Yost rock.
With that being said, we believe the fan conduct last week was not appropriate to Michigan standards and will not be tolerated in the future. The actions on the ice do not excuse what was heard or displayed. Just as it is written on the back of your ticket and read during the pre-game announcements, management reserves the right to eject any person whose conduct management deems disorderly, obnoxious, or unbecoming. We will eject, without warning, individuals who use profane language and/or make obscene gestures.
Every game until the end of the season can be considered a playoff game. On the ice, we will do our best to represent every one of you in the great Michigan tradition. We ask you to represent us in the same manner.
Thank you for your cooperation. Go Blue!
Personally, I say fuck that, but I mean, what else could they say?