After games like this, or actually during games like this, I can feel a simple feeling inside of me: hate. A pure and simple emotion, and one that shouldn't be suppressed. And as the game progressed, I realize that my hate is very generic and can be applied to most anything and everyone. And yes, this is a form of therapy, so please indulge me.
I hate Matt Millen. Did you ever see a guy come less prepared to a game? A bunch of people have said "well, at least he's a good color commentator" which is complete horse crap - he clearly knew very little about Michigan and would just make things up on the fly about various players. Like that Mouton is one of those "smart, cagey" veterans who knows where to be on the field, but just gets beat physically sometimes (he seriously said something of this nature). And on and on. Man am I sick of Millen - and I won't even mention how he ran the Lions into the ground in epic fashion, or at least I won't dwell on it.
Millen: Bad at everything
I hate those goddamned three buckeye fans they show over and over and over and over again. You know the guys: cowboy guy in white, crazy hair with nut necklace, and silver face. All are pretty fat. Note to camera people: THERE ARE OTHER FANS IN THE STANDS. Christ, they should make a movie about them. It would go something like this: three losers get way over-dressed up every week to watch football. During the rest of the week, they live at home with their mothers, who beat them. It is not a good movie, probably foreign.
This is silver face. I hate him, even if he missed Stef.
I have Jim Tressel. Oh fuck all of you who say "well, he's classy" and all of that shit. He is a smug asshole and he coaches the other team - do you really need to pump that guy up? And seriously, if I hear him talk one more time, well, actually I never hear him talk, because by the third word, I am asleep. Could a guy be more fucking boring? And if I hear him talk about how this senior class is special, Christ, YOU SAY THAT EVERY DAMN YEAR. I hate you, and I hate your senior class.
A Hawaiian shirt, seriously?
I hate those little gold pants they give each buckeye who beats Michigan. It's a PAIR OF PANTS, asshole. I don't care about your stupid traditions, and I sure don't care how many pairs of tiny pants you have. Why don't you buy some tiny dolls to go with those tiny pants, that would be swell. At least by losing a lot, the tradition is being confused: current players probably just think Tressel likes tiny pants and gives them to the players at the end of the year. Of course, if they could stay awake during his speeches, they might know better.
Stupid gold pants: they are so special you can buy them on ebay.
I hate Jim Harbaugh. Why? BECAUSE HE IS NOT OUR DAMNED COACH. And until he is, I hate him, pretty much like I hate all other coaches.
See how it says "STANFORD HEAD COACH"?
I hate people who cheer for the "Big Ten" during Bowl Season. Christ, you think I'm going to get all excited for MSU or OSU during their bowl game? Fuck that - I cheer for them to lose, and I cheer for it to be a blowout. Really, the only thing that remains positive in my mind about 2006 was watching OSU get destroyed in the bowl game. The look on Tressel's face that night was precious. If you watch closely, you can see him reach into his pockets near the end of game, and rub a tiny pair of gold pants. Well, he is rubbing something in there, that I'm sure of.
Are you seriously going to cheer for this asshole?
I hate stupid fans. Especially when they call into talk radio, over and over again, to say the same damned things. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK THEY SHOULD FIRE RICH ROD. Of course, I also hate myself for listening to talk radio, which is generally a waste of time and grey matter.
This is Sam Webb, whom I actually like (Ira too).
I hate people who can't understand that we essentially started the entire football program over. It's kind of like a plane crashed with Lloyd's team on it, and we had to start from scratch. That's how you should judge the team, dammit. Almost everyone good on the team is a sophomore, and many of those would be redshirt freshman on a normal team. WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? I KNOW WHY: BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE RANDOM FAN WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND BASIC THINGS.
This is the second hit for "dumb people" on google images
I hate people who cheer for Michigan to lose, so that we can fire the coach. There probably aren't many of you, but you suck. When you see a young team, physically overmatched in so many positions, trying so hard out there every week, even when the results aren't there, and you cheer against them, you are nothing but the most horrible kind of asshole. The team puts in a lot of effort, never quits, and all you do, sucky fan, is sit there and hope that they lose. Fuck off.
I hate Kirk Herbstreit. I saw him in person at a gameday once, and let me tell you, he is surprisingly short. And, surprisingly still a douchebag. I am hoping that he catches a stroke from Corso, though my sources tell me it isn't contagious. Oh well, maybe Corso, in some stroke-fueled rage, will stab Herbstreit repeatedly while putting on some kind of goofy hat. Desmond will just watch, smiling, and maybe do a Heisman pose.
Herby, you suck.
I hate all the links to articles in the freep or detnews. WHO FUCKING CARES? Do people read this crap anymore? Could it be any clearer that columnists for those papers are shitty writers with very little knowledge of sports? For god's sake STOP READING THOSE PAPERS AND THEN POSTING SOMETHING HERE ABOUT HOW BAD THEY ARE. It is not hard, you just remove the "bookmark" to freep.com from your browser, asshole. Newspapers are dying for a good reason - their only reason for existence was the fact that they could distribute information cheaply. Then came internet, and content mattered. OOPS! Bye bye shitty newspapers.
This is a crumpled newspaper. OH THE SYMBOLISM
As you can tell, I could go on, because right now, I am feeling a lot of hate. But there is one thing here that I love, which is true for most of you too: Michigan football. And that's why I keep coming back. Those kids who put on the maize and blue and fight every week, even when the odds are against them, well, that is what I love. I'll watch the bowl game, and cheer like hell for them to win, and feel sad if they lose, and then I'll prepare for the long off-season of crap, full of things I hate.
To those whom this article has offended, well, guess what: I hate you. And if you write "tl;dr" I hate you too -- at least try to be original, asshole. But if I bored you or was less funny than intended, well, sorry about that. It's the hate getting in the way of writing a quality diary, I swear it.
[EDIT: April 2016 to fix stale picture links - couldn't find all the originals]
10. BJ Mullens- I know his time at OSU was short(because he was an idiot and left early) but damn was he ugly and dumb. He also pissed off Michigan basketball fans with a youtube(which isn't up anymore) in which he said "Michigan Sucks" when asked how they would prepare for the Wolverines. The fat head did nothing at Ohio State and didn't even start. He left for the NBA after one year and avg 1.1 ppg last year for the Thunder. Good call.
9. David Boston- Really David? Did you think you could open your muscle face trap and expect Chuck to not make you look like a fool? I am pretty sure this dude was on the roid. He seemed like he was more into looking good than...you know, being good at football. He blew his body up with meats,cheeses and roids and called it a career. He played for five different teams and sucked on all five of them. He will always be remembered for being Woodson's Bitch.
8. 3rd Rock from the Sun- Oh my god this show was terrible. Another show on FOX that made me wanna take a dump on my TV so I wouldn't use it again. I know this has zero to do with OSU but the show was based out of Ohio so that's reason enough. French Stewart with his eyes closed all the time really killed it for me. Than Sally, she was like 6'8" and could dunk a basketball. Not to mention the bad guy from the old 80s Santa Clause Movie. It sucked for years but people watched it(people love bad TV). Go figure.
7. Buckeye- Wow you guys are "Nuts". Like thats the best you had? A nut? Why not use the state Bug? The Ladybug. Yeah I am very serious. That's the state bug or insect. I just gotta wonder how a nut can cause fear in another team? choking maybe? Like in the last few National Championship Games?
6. AJ Hawk- Ok he is like the ugliest dude in the NFL right now and thats hard to do. Not to mention he married Brady Quinn's sister who has Brady's head and face but with long hair. The dude is a straight up modern day Frankenstein. I am pretty sure the Packers have asked him not to come to any team photo shoots or do charity work in fear of him scaring off the public. Oh and he has sorta sucked for the Packers.
5.Brutus the Buckeye- This cheesy thin mascot got his ass handed to him at the start of a season by the mascot at Ohio. The Bobcat had his way as the players and cheerleaders watched and did nothing. It was a blood bath. I sometimes think he might be "special" since he spends most the game punching himself in his ugly head. Like isn't that a reason you would be the "resource room"?
4.The OSU Fans- Where to even start. They act obnoxious. Most the time they are in your a face giving you stats like how many days it's been since UM has beat OSU or how great Troy Smith might be some day for the 49ers. They are even stupid like when OSU loses to Purdue or Wisconsin and scream "Pryor can't play QB!! OMG!!! Move him to WR!" Great idea... Would love to see that car wreak of an experiment. They are just a sad bunch. But OSU is all they have since Ohio teams suck at everything else.
3.Beanie Wells's Toe- The dude hurt is toe in some scrub game and he acted like he just got shot. Suck it up and get off the field. I hate your toe. It's such a pussy.
2."Theeeee Ohio State"- It's so cool. "Theeeee Ohio State". I don't even have a picture since this is too dumb for pictures. Does it make you feel like a really important person? Like this one dude I met on a elevator and noticed he had a OSU shirt on and I said "Ohio State fan huh?" Nope he said... "THHHEEEEE Ohio State Fan" : rolls eyes : Yes I am sorry... I forgot to sound like a idiot.
1.Maurice Clarett - It's too easy isn't it? I mean really. I am more upset that this cat didn't break open a giant Reggie Bush like invesagation. Some how The Vest and OSU dodged that bullet. Speaking of bullets, he had a shit ton of them in his car when he was pulled over and put in jail for acting like an animal. He now plays back up RB for a Jimmy Johns sponsored team that plays in the Columbus football rec league.
This is another illustration of how the positioning of the MLB so close to the line of scrimmage in Michigan's 3-3-5-that-isn't-really-a-stack renders him more vulnerable to being eaten alive.
In other news, I don't know if it's the prospect of the upcoming bludgeoning by Columbus Community College or the fact that most of these are of a play that didn't go well, but these are starting to get hard to do. "Here's how we screwed up again, in excruciating detail."
Anyway. Wha'hoppon: Wisconsin has second and three at their own 32 on their second drive of the day. Michigan plays a stack over Wisconsin's I-formation. The play starts out as an iso to the right. Martin stands up a double team and then slants playside, and Ezeh takes on the FB to close the playside hole. The blocking works much better on the other side, with Mouton being erased by the backside guard, RVB being kicked out, and the playside guard releasing off Martin to devour Demens. Avery fills the hole between the guard and tackle, but the blocks on Demens and Mouton leave a cutback lane open to the inside of the tackle and Montee Ball rolls through it for a ten-yard gain before Vinopal can chop him down.
Julius Caesar, a new general with a tattered and tired army, knew he had to march on Rome, which no legion was permitted to do. Marcus Lucanus left us a chronicle of what happened:
It can't happen
Drew from the city for the surgeon knife
Which shore the cancerous limbs cut in too deep,
And shed the life stream from still healthy veins.
True that the guilty fell, but not before
None of the odds are in their favor
All else had perished. Hatred had free course
And anger reigned unbridled by the law
The victor's voice spake once ; but each man struck
Just as he wished or willed. The fatal steel
A team too young and meek against an adversary too powerful
Urged by the servant laid the master low.
Sons dripped with gore of sires ; and brothers fought
For the foul trophy of a father slain,
Or slew each other for the price of blood.
They have every reason and every excuse
Men sought the tombs and, mingliijg with the dead,
Hoped for escape ; the wild beasts' dens were full.
One strangled died ; another from the height
Fell headlong down upon the unpitying earth,
But excuses wear thin when nothing seems right, and nothing right seems to happen
And from the encrimsoned victor snatched his death
One built his funeral pyre and oped his veins,
And scaled the furnace ere his blood was gone.
But the truth is that nothing is what it used to be
Borne through the trembling town the leaders' heads
Were piled in middle forum : hence men knew
Of murders else unpublished. Not on gates
Of Diomedes,' tyrant king of Thrace,
Injuries, defections, suspensions
' Nor of Antseus, Libya's giant brood,
' Were hung such horrors ; nor in Pisa's hall
Were seen and wept for when the suitors died.
Decay had touched the features of the slain
When round the mouldering heap, with trembling steps
The grief-struck parents sought and stole their dead.
Boys are not expected to stand up to men
Fea, the body of my brother slain
Thought to remove, a victim to the peace
In headlong torrents ran a tide of blood,
Which furrowing its path through town and field
In an era where everyone is against them and everything wrong seems to happen
No longer held him, and the dead were thrown
Back on the fields above. With labour huge
At length he struggled to his goal and stretched
In crimson streak across the Tuscan Sea.
Sides have been chosen, with those against trying to hamper everything they are trying to build.
Took flight from earth, now finds its only home,
Outcast to all besides, but safe with thee :
Vouchsafe thy counsel to my wavering soul
And make my weakness strength.
The odds are too long; we know it can't happen
While Caesar some, Pompeius others, follow in the fight,
Cato is Brutus' guide. Art thou for peace,
Holdiug thy footsteps in a tottering world
Unshaken ? Or wilt thou with the leaders' crimes
But it did happen once, in similar circumstance, against larger odds
And with the people's fury take thy part,
Where further do you march? At last he speaks,
Oh Thunderer, surveying Rome's walls from the Tarpeian Rock.
Oh Phrygian house gods of Iulus, Oh Rome, equal to the highest deity
A man outside the program, defied the odds, shocked the world and began a legacy
Favor my plans! Not with impious weapons do I pursue you.
Here am I, your own soldier, everywhere, now too, if I am permitted.
The man who makes me your enemy, it is he who be the guilty one.
Here I abandoned peace and desecrated law; fortune it is you I follow.
We all know it cannot happen
Farewell to treaties. From now on war is our judge!
But we cannot lose hope either
Hail Caesar! We who are about to die salute you!
Week 11 analysis and prediction can be found here: http://mgoblog.com/diaries/post-week-11-yardage-analysis-and-predictions...
I'm not going to go into a review of the Wisconsin game because, honestly, I've forgotten about it already, and I'd rather just keep it forgotten. I will say this... UMs offense had their third worst game of the season in a game in which they needed their best to win.
An interesting stat to note that I heard from Ira on WTKA is that UM is 1-4 when they score less than 21 points in the first half and 6-0 when they do score 21 or more. Let's hope for a fast start against OSU.
Let's move on to the charts shall we.....
As you can see from this chart, UMs defense gave up more than their season average and the offense gained less than their season average. UM has an even tougher contest tomorrow against the Buckeyes. Let's hope they can pull out a ridiculous performance; one that will stand the test of time. Unfortunately, that's exactly what they'll need if they want any chance tomorrow.
As you can see, UM has yet to play an offense as good as Ohio States, nor a defense as good as Ohio States. And OSU's defensive stats aren't even close to the next Big Ten team. They are 70 yards per game better than the next defense, Iowa. One bit of hope is that UM torched Iowa's defense for 522 yards. They'll need this performance tomorrow.
The predictor was pretty close for the Wisconsin game.
Now on to the predictor....
UM does have a chance to outgain the Buckeyes, but they'll need a ridiculous performance out of both their offense and defense. Even then, OSUs defense is giving up a touchdown every 121 yards they give up while UMs defense is giving up a TD every 93 yards. If OSU score 42 points on the day, UMs offense is going to have to gain almost 730 yards of offense just to keep pace.
I guess I'm not even sure what else I can say/type to convey that UM has a very slim chance of winning this game. The game has a better chance of becoming a blowout win for OSU than a UM win. I'm not even going to make a prediction on this because my heart can't take it anymore. Please, God, have mercy on UM football tomorrow.
As a rabid Michigan and Texas A&M fan, it seems to me that these two programs are on a similar path. However, the comparison I want to make is 2009 TAMU and 2010 Michigan.
Both have proven coaches (Rich Rod, Mike Sherman). Both have very talented offenses. Both have young players on defenses. Both have terrible defenses.
|2009 Rank||2010 Rank|
2009-10 A&M finished 6-7.
2010-11 A&M is currently 9-3.
What happened? A&M got a new defensive coordinator (Tim DeRuyter). Despite installing a new formation (3-4), there was a dramatic turnaround. By retaining his offense, and getting a new defensive coordinator, Sherman kept his job.
So, what does this mean for UM? Well, if Rich Rod can bring in a proven defensive coordinator (like DeRuyter) who runs a scheme suited to our strengths, we might see a similar turnaround. A conservative outlook might show a top-30 scoring defense to pair with a top-15 scoring offense. Given that 2010 Michigan has been handicapped with even more youth in the secondary than 2009 A&M, Michigan should show a larger benefit of an extra year of experience. (Additionally, Michigan's 2011 scoring offense should crack the top-10 as a result of the larger number of returners and a better defense).
Really, the turnaround hinges on who RR brings in to run the defense. Hopefully Brandon realizes that it would be premature to pull the plug on RR and uses all available resources to bring in an accomplished defensive coordinator.
2010 Texas A&M returned 9 starters on defense.
2011 Michigan returns 9 starters on defense.
2009 Texas A&M had 3 sophomores and 1 seniors starting in the secondary.
2010 Michigan has 3 freshmen and 1 senior starting in the secondary.