TO THE HOT TAKE CANNON
Here goes attempt number three of the season (I did not make a wallpaper for week one because BlueIndy already had it covered here.) I did a couple looks last week and ended up with the bald eagle sitting in a large jail cell looking all dejected. I struggled with taking the nations great bird and portraying him in a negative way.
As I approached this week's wallpaper I had another internal struggle. I had a hard time finding a tasteful way to place the Aztec within the grand scheme of Michigan destroying another mascot/school on the way to a B1G title and top ten finish of the season. Maybe it is the pastor in me that hates to offend. So I gave it a couple days to see if anything less offensive resonated with the creative juices.
I ended up thinking less along the lines of the mascot and more along the lines of this being Brady's last place of residents and how they must have felt about losing their coach. I thought about something along the lines of Coach walking along the intersate heading towards Ann Arbor. I considered him pointing instead of hitch hiking. I ended up with a simple concept of what they must feel like when a coach that they have loved (after all we have quickly grown to love him) just vanished and left town. As I said, it is simple but I am not a photoshop guy with a ton of time. I tried very hard to get a head set in the picture that was just tossed on the ground but I could not get the right depth and lighting/shadowing. This is all I have to offer.
It is still early to talk numbers and which particular positions the staff will be going after. But what the heck. The 2013 class in Michigan is a little weak and that maybe why only three instate offers have been extended. Still plenty of time for things to develop in state, but expect a bigger potion of our class to come from outside Michigan. That being said we're in on some great prospect early :).
Personally, I think we take two QBs in the 2013 class assuming we aren't taking one in 2012. This will build some depth and also foster some competition at the QB position. This maybe a precautionary move by the coaches because of Devin's RS status. Man if he loses a year of eligibility because of series against Bowling Green, I'm gonna be pissed! lol.
OH Pro-style QB Brogan Roback
A lifelong Michigan fan who frequents Michigan home games. Currently has a couple of MAC offers and is hearing from several BCS schools, including Michigan. He has been putting up big numbers for his St.John's team, including a game against OLSM. Looking at his tape, you can clearly see he is not at Shane's level. He has great poise and pocket awareness, but his throwing mechanics (not uncommon for HS prospects) needs work. He is a great athlete who also excels on the hardwood too. Should be a high 3 star/low 4 star. Here is a little interview on Maize N' Blue:
FL OL Larmey Tensil
Offers from UF, FSU, ND, USC early on. His coach is Ed Stokes, a former assistant with Brady Hoke at Ball State. From TOMVH's inside article (leaking a lil info) we're in his top 3, with out an offer which sounds pretty promising. I hope he gets an offer soon. For insiders here is an article:
IL RB Ty Issac
Beast, 6'3 220, very surgical runner but also can make plays after contact. Received his Michigan offer this week, which he is pretty excited about. Has many suitors and the staff will need to make some ground. I think coach Jackson is personally recruiting him. My favourite RB from the Midwest. Here is an article from Sam Webb, couple weeks before his offer:
With the 2012 class filling up, it will give us a head start for 2013. Also, two potential 5 stars to start isn't bad either. Just some of the prospects you should be aware of during the 2013 cycle for those who follow recruiting. If you know anyone else we should know about, share! Also check out the Michigan Thread on 247 when you are in need of recruiting news.
It has already been three weeks of college football season and I have the self mutilation scars tallying every time I thought a game was lost or became frustrated with the Pitbull Dr. Pepper commercials. After spending an afternoon staring at my scars, I realized this habit must stop or else I will be sucking up all the good blood at the hospital for selfish reasons. This past weekend was supposed to be a “healing weekend.” It turned out to be just as frustrating as the past two.
The Eastern Michigan University football team has been compared to a punching bag or even an ugly mannequin used for those loners down in their basements to beat up on after losing their six hour quest of Dungeons and Dragons to install confidence for the next life wasting night full of pizza, funny dice, and no estrogen save in their man breasts from too much pizza and coddling at a young age. I debated whether to even watch this game or to take natural medicine and travel fast as I could to the Medieval Festival in Holly to take in the wonderful colors, music, belly dancing, and a turkey leg the size of Mattison’s head. I decided that in order to keep a weekly diary going it would be in my best interest to stay and watch. I expected an avalanche of offense and a punishment of defense from the get go by our beloved Michigan Wolverines. I soon found myself trying to remember how to tie a slipknot and finding a tall enough place by halftime.
The offense started out anemic and the defense played as if they were on the winning side of the game Tag and trying not to get tagged back. For a while I thought this was some cruel hoax of a uniform swith in the locker rooms so that Mike Hart would be able to coach the Michigan Wolverines incognito. Eastern Michigan manhandled Michigan as their offense stampeded down the field on at least three straight occasions but only coming away with three points from the whole ordeal. Thank the all knowing Spaghetti Monster that this was an inept team that didn’t know how to handle momentum against quality opponents and made buffoons out of themselves on national television. If this were any BIG opponent, our ass would have been grass, and they would have turned it over to the authorities. The Michigan offense was just as putrid as Gorgeous Borges still looks for an offensive strategy besides Denard Left, Denard Right, Denard Center, and Denard Please Fucking Save Us. He still hasn’t found it. MANBAWW FOOTBAWW. Sure Vincent Smith got over 100 yards on various attempts, but again, this is Eastern Michigan School of the Fighting Stuffed Animals. Denards’s throwing seemed to regress as he sailed passes to Tacopants and to Lloyd Brady tailgating outside the stadium.
At halftime I decided it was a bit hyperbolic to hang myself this early in the season. I should save that for Michigan State or Nebraska. I don’t want to waste my finale on a team that my old University President from Pennsylvania who wore plaid sports jackets stepped in for in the past to serve as Emergency President at Eastern. No way. Plaid sports jackets will not be the end of me. I knew Michigan would pull this out from the beginning, but the way in which they started the game was discouraging. Mattison and Gorgeous Borges better take note that an imitation Division III team pushed them around for one whole quarter.
After halftime, Michigan had a fire lit under their ass and the lighter fluid to ignite it was the usual brand, Denard Robinson. The defense also stepped up their game to begin to look respectable, but the rushing attack by the fighting EMU’s still plagued them. Denard galloped his way on his feet, which I am convinced are small unicorns blessed by the Pope. (How else would he always make the Irish look like chumps?) As the scoreboard raced higher for Michigan after unanswered touchdowns quicker than Tyrone Biggums racing higher after stealing a car radio, I still felt a level of disappointment. If Michigan were an ice cream shop going head to head with Baskin-Robbins for the Internationally known Lactose Award for Variety, they would lose 37-1.
Last year Michigan leaned heavily on Denard until he docked in at the end of the season with more bumps, bruises, and injuries than Whitney Hill after a good night out with Bobby. Not only was Denard beat-up by the end of the season, everyone figured out the game plan of a hobbled legged QB trying desperately to save his team from losing and his coach from trying out for Glee. The end result was a predictive offense with a defense that would have won Last Comic Standing and an embarrassing end to the season by being drubbed by Mississippi State 52-14.
The FEAR is afoot again. Whether it is Gorgeous Borges’ fault that he hasn’t tried to implement more offensive strategies using Denard’s threat to open up other plays besides a quick slant and a zone read, or because we are not there offensively with the talent up front and around someone like Denard can be debated until the cows come back to tsio’s many sororities. The defense has improved slightly, but is nowhere near a level accustomed to Michigan’s past or a level that can sustain a season in the Big Ten 2.0. The FEAR is creeping up my leg and beginning to look like a rabid warthog with pieces of kitten flesh dripping from its tusks. The game against Eastern Michigan may have been rewarding in it brought us another win and national ranking, but it also served as a curse in possible false hopes and a déjà vu that is beginning to resemble a Greek tragedy rendition of Groundhog Day. Then again, I’ve been known to worry too much.
Welcome to week 4, and the season has started taking shape. There's still a number of 0-fers going out there, including surprises like Boston College and Oregon State. Not as surprising is the fact that about half of the Sun Belt conference doesn't have a win yet. Lucky for them there's always conference play.
This week we highlight three games. Is highlight the right term for this column? Maybe "Spotlight of Shame" is a better term. We start in the SEC with Georgia versus Ole Miss. Georgia is 1-2, but the two losses are to Boise State and South Carolina, while Ole Miss has losses to Vandy and BYU. Ole Miss is sporting offensive numbers near the 100's, so look for Coach Giggity's Rebels to take sole possession of the SEC - West basement. Sidenote: I love that the divisions are South Eastern Conference - East and South Eastern Conference - West. Maybe the Big East will use that naming scheme if they split into the Big East - East and Big East - West. As a personal note, I will always cheer against any team named for or referencing the South in the Civil War.
Next we have San Jose State versus New Mexico State. Over the last three years, the two teams have combined for 10 wins. If there was ever an argument against regression to the mean, this is it. Or maybe their mean is just bad. Bear in mind that New Mexico State's win this season came against Minnesota, while NMSU is near the 100s in most offensive categories.
Finally, the big game this week is the Dan Hawkins Memorial Buyout Bowl, featuring Colorado and Ohio State. Oh how it does my heart good to be able to put OSU in here. First, this game is on ABC/ESPN, so the nation gets to watch. Second, Ohio eked out a win against Toledo in week 2. Third, they're coming of an impotent loss to Miami last week. Ohio's QB job is a pick-'em, and CU looked reasonably good last week against CSU and against Cal. I still can't cheer for CU after '94, but I will still happily wish for OSU to lose. So it's this:
Conference realignment: Of course you're so freakin' excited to see another post breaking it down. Luckily for you, I've lost interest in how it ends up and would rather look backwards at what has transpired. So WTF has happened?
In a nutshell: Professional reporters turn into self-proclaimed Nostradami. People that don't even like college football argue about whose conference has a better USNWR ranking. ND and Texas act like ND and Texas. Basically, everyone looks like dickheads. IT'S AWESOME.
A majority of the most exciting news has happened in the last few weeks so I put together a conversational timeline (or a one act play, I suppose) to help you follow along. Warning: some rough language
Texas A&M, deep in it's own basement, stews over the indignities it has suffered at the horns of their evil overlord, Texas. The Longhorn Network has recently proposed to add high school games to their schedule...
Texas: We'll do anything we want to on the LHN, including your mom. And never call her back.
Oklahoma: Obvi, we're with Texas - though Gloria Oklahoma is a saint. A SAINT.
A&M: FUUUUUUU UT. A-heading to the SEC. Chig-ga-roo-gar-em! Chig-ga-roo-gar-em! Rough! Tough! That's the stuff. Men in uniform: can't get enough!
SEC: Nice man-cheerleaders.
A&M: They're yell leaders.
SEC: Whatever, feed me rednecks to satisfy PAWLLLL.
Big 12: That's my girl, dog. Not cool.
SEC: Who, me? I never talked to your girlfriend.
A&M: Sorry Big 12, it's you not me. Sign here.
Baylor: F that noise. Get rich or die tryin'.
A&M: You're a dirty whore Baylor.
SEC: So not saying we even want A&M because we are totally stoked at 12 because it is basically perfect but like, you know if something happens and in the course of changes to the landscape we have a situation where we have to look at more schools, that may happen, just saying. Les, can you come clarify this for us?
Les Miles: The play that we are getting from our defense is specific in my mind to the play that we are getting from the participants.
SEC: Yeah, talk to Les. Heh.
Oklahoma: We're sick of you too Texass. Oklahoma out.
Texas: Say what?
T.BoonePickens: Blah blah windfarm /pretend I'm not senile/ derpty derp.
Larry Scott: Muahaha my evil plan to get schools where the fans care is almost complete. ULTRA-PAC-ATRON ASSSSEEEEMMMMBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLEEEE!!!!!1
BEast: ZOMG we're going to make it.
Colorado: I thought I left the Big 12? Where am I?
Texas: Anyone interested - $10 for an HJ, $20 for a BJ, $40 for a ZJ, $300mil for an LHN. If you have to ask about the ZJ, you don't want it. Anyone?
Mizzou: We so want the B12 to survive COUGH ess eee see COUGH big ten COUGH COUGH
Jim Delany: Harumph and so forth. Big Ten likes twelve members. You will receive my condescension and be grateful, peasants.
Fake Dan Beebe: Follow me Dan Beebe on twitter at @danbeebe #Beebeliever #DannyDanJuice
Oklahoma: Our regents say peace out - B12 down.
Jr. State: Twinsies.
Big 12: What the hell guys?
Texas: Fine...Pac...whatever...but we're keeping this network.
TTech: Hi I'm here, too, fellas.
ACC: Swoop. Hello Pitt. Hello Cuse.
BEast: What the what?
ACC: Hey Delany, Slive, Scott - check out how big mine is. (beams proudly)
WVU: What does a horseshoe do? Are there horsesocks? Is anyone listening to me?
DennisDodd/RandomCrappyReporter: Publish token shame article. Rabble rabble.
DanWetzel/OtherAnnoyingReporter: Publish ND + PSU + ACC > rustbelt meme. Rabble rabble.
Oklahoma: So Larry, uh, this is all a formality, right?
Larry Scott: Psha, no doubt bro. Cool as a cucumber.
Mizzou: Helloooo ess eee s....
Stanford: Lemme stop you right there, Larry, it's turning into fucking grapes of wrath up in here. OK State? Might as well take Boise if we're looking for community colleges with good wrestling teams and overrated football teams.
Cal: And Lubbock man, so harsh.
USC: You guys are such pussies.
Semi-Pac-atron: Input: 2/3 Big 12 South. Semi-Pac-atron: Error. Output: screw. that.
Larry Scott: The funny thing is we were always really happy with 12 members. Don't know where these 'expansion' rumors came from.
Oklahoma: The funny thing is, we always loved you Texas. Maybe we can keep the Big 12 together after all...
Fake Dan Beebe: DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! Dan Beebe Big 12 Survival Plan 2011: 1. Retain Dan 2. ? 3. Profit.
Oklahoma: ...As long as we get rid of Dan...
Fake Dan Beebe: Fuuuuuuuuuuu.....
Utah: God this is awesome...
[ed-M: bump. always bump.]
Do we have any Pinnacle Studio 12 experts among us? I seem to have lost the ability to have my titles display lower-case letters properly (compare this MPP to my previous ones).
Setup: EMU will run power right against Will Heininger (left DT).
Wha'hoppon: Roh stands up the TE on the edge but Heininger gets blown out of the hole, leaving three blockers coming out against three linebackers going in. Roh's positioning against the TE forces the FB to 'finish him,' Hawthorne stands up to the pulling guard, and the RB dives into the pile, which poops him out six yards downfield.
Full YouTube page is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaJI_5GgNDc
Original PP is http://mgoblog.com/content/picture-pages-emu-runnin-us-i