Diaries

Deja Vu

Consistency.  It may the most talked about word in Michigan football right now.  It's what Coach Hoke says is holding us back.  It's what Coach Nussmeier says is holding us back.  It's what the players say is holding us back.

They're not wrong.  While many here on the board (myself included) may have underrated both Notre Dame and Utah, it's clear that we also overrated Michigan.  Once again, we find our offense is unable to do anything against a good-but-not-great opponent.

In 2014, Michigan is currently ranked #94 in scoring offense.  This figure is glaring not only in its ineptitude, but also because we have already faced the two worst defenses we'll see all season in App. State and Miami (NTM).  We are 97th in TFLs allowed.  We are #128--dead last--in turnover margin.  Yes, Notre Dame and Utah are pretty good, but App. State and Miami (NTM) are terrible.

There is a glaringly bright side: Michigan's defense is #8 in the country.  It appears that while our CBs aren't the lockdown, interception-machines we hoped for, they are at least adequate and are paired with a run defense that is absurdly good.  Lewis and Peppers look to be capabe and constantly improving.  That said, in the red zone against Notre Dame, Utah, and even ASU and NTM, TDs came far too easily.  It's a very, very good defense.  Good enough to win a B1G championship.  It's not yet an elite defense that can cover for its offense's sins.

What's so awful about this state of affairs is that we were just here.

In 2010, Michigan finished the season ranked 107th in the country in scoring defense.  We were 93rd in sacks and #109 in turnover margin.  The level of incompetence of that defense is an almost perfect match for the 2014 offense.  While we could argue all day about whether or not the 2010 offense was as good as our 2014 defense is, the point is that both units were very good, but not elite enough to paper over the struggles of their counterparts.

The opposite comparisons don't stop there.  Rich Rod was famous for his stubborn adherence to a set of defensive principles that didn't seem to fit his players or his matchups.  Brady Hoke continues to run under-center play action passes despite his O-line's inability to block the plays, even against high-pressure, blitzing opponents like Utah.  Rich Rod was a revolutionary, schematic genius on offense, Hoke is a players' coach that understands old-school, championship defense.  Rich Rod was almost buttery soft--crying in press conferences and summoning Josh Groban as a motivational tool; Hoke is all about MANBALL and "physicalness" or "physicality" or whatever.  Rich Rod seemed oblivious to Michigan's past, Hoke seems firmly cemented to the 1990s in virtually every way.  Rich Rod's teams improved a bit each year, Hoke's seem to take a step back each season.

I could go on, but the point is clear: Hoke, in coaching terms, is almost the perfect opposite of Rich Rodriguez.

I have not given up hope that this offense can turn it around and be good enough to allow this defense the chance to win a B1G Championship.  I will root as hard as I can for Michigan on every down of every game we have left on the schedule.  But I feel like I've seen this movie before--or rather, I've seen the opposite of this movie before--and it's hard not to feel like I already know the ending.

The only question that remains is one of consistency: will Dave Brandon judge Brady Hoke's incomptence the same way he judged Rich Rod's?  Because if this season finishes it appears it is destined to do, the only logical conclusion is another "process" from the AD...or perhaps another "process" for an AD.

With the prospects for UM's team very dim, most of my focus this year will be on individual players (bravo J. Lewis!) go forward in 2014 i.e. who can help the next staff in 2015.   There was an interesting question on our lack of NFL players/players development (a common theme) posted yesteday in the cluster**** that followed the game so I am going to piggyback on 2 pieces I wrote in April now that we are 4 games into 2014 and look back at our 2012 recruiting class and sort of do a "now" vs "then" analysis.  This is what people do when they look at NFL drafts 3 years after the fact - which I find interesting.

This is not too in depth on each player since we know their names and their general impacts but at this point these are our juniors and RS SO so we have an idea of how their career will go, allowing for some variance.  I only did the top 15 players or so - as a lot of players are not impactful at the bottom of the class.

Please note I am not a sunshine grader - a 5 star should be a step below Peppers level; very impactful early, a splash player, a conference stud.  A 4 star should be a front line starter, etc.

2012 was a very important class - a highly ranked (7th at Rivals) and large one and the bedrock for Hoke's supposed success - i.e. the team that was "going to be competitive with Alabama in 2015 and 2016".  As you read this list of contributors it just adds to the "where are our NFL players?" and "are these guys being developed to compete with the Oregon's, Bamas, Texas A&M, FSUs" etc.  How many would legitimately play for those teams? 

It is not encouraging - I see maybe 2 players who would be on their way to be stars in the SEC (Henry, Funchess), and a handful of guys who would start for a mid tier SEC team.  And a whole lot of guys who have regressed or are not going to be contributing in any meaningful way as they go to their RS JR and SR years in 2015.  Our two 5 stars are not impactful players who other teams have to worry about in year 3 of their career.  That's just not good enough for a 7th ranked class.

My 2 earlier pieces if you are curious and want to get away from EMO land were:

• Early Returns on 2012 Recruits - Defense
• Early Returns on 2012 Recruits - Offense

Just going to rank everyone together, offense and defense

1. Devin Funchess - new rank: 5 star.   2012 rank: 3/4 star.                                            The only clear superstar on the team; with a pro style QB like a Cook or Hackenberg this guy would be bringing fear to all and being talked up like an Amari Cooper nationally.   An immediate starter at TE, where he was a poor blocker, but eventually moved outside to a position he thrives at.   Barring miracle will be gone in 2015 - sad face.
2. Willie Henry - new rank: high end 4 star.    2012 rank: 3 star after thought tossed into the class late.                                                                                                                    Again I am not a sunshine blower who is giving Henry a 5 star.  He has the chance to be a 5 star as a JR and SR if he continues his current path.  For a guy thrown into the class on the week of signing date I believe, he has surpassed his much heralded signing class mate Pipkins and is a sky is the limit type of player as only a RS SO.  Should be the rock star of the 2015 DL.
3. Joe Bolden - new rank: 4 star.  2012 rank: 4 star.                                                             A "late bloomer" in that he didnt show much in flashes his first 2 years but the game seems to have slowed down for him and at this point is a very productive player.   Should be the defensive leader on the LB corps in 2015.
4. Jarrod Wilson - new rank: 4 star   2012 rank: 4 star.                                                Some might think this is a sunshine grade but compare to classmate Jeremy Clark for example.  He was a starter in 2013, and the rock of the safeties coming into 2014.  Not a star but a decent starter - unfortunately injuries in 2013 and 2014 continue to haunt.  Should retain starting role in 2015 barring some Joe Bolden type offseason surge by a peer.                     
5. James Ross III - new rank: low 4 star (?!)   2012 rank: 4 star.                                          I'm confused.  This grade would be easy to give in any month before August 2014  I might be a sunshine blower on Ross III todau.  Not sure what is happening here- from 2nd leading tackler on team last year to a spot player.  While the 2 LB set seems to be the base formation of UM defense, Royce Jenkins Stone seemed to displace him versus even Miami of OH at SAM.  Lack of bulk hurts and maybe by end of year this is downgraded to 3 star but cannot imagine his talent just disappeared like that.  Confused about role in 2015.
6. Ondre Pipkins - new rank: high 3 star  2012 rank: 5 star.                                        Some will dispute my current rank and maybe injuries played a part but early 2013 I was not seeing a disruptive force - Malik McDowell is playing DT at MSU and Ive seen more splash plays from him in 3 games then Pipkins had in a year and a half.  Yes even v Oregon, McDowell was impactful.  Maybe Pipkins comes back and turns into a force but at this point a 3 star and a walk on are starting at DT and he is a rotation player maybe not 100% healthy.   
7. Erik Magnuson - new rank: high 3 star  2012 rank: high 4 star.                         Perhaps an unfair ranking since OL take more time to judge and he was the "best of the worst" of underclassmen OL in 2013.  Not getting a "Lewan type talent" vibe from him as we felt from Lewan early in his career - i.e. uber talented but mistake prone.  Seems "solid" and will be a decent Big 10 player.  Best OL in this class it seems but its a low bar right now.  Most likely also playing out of position (guard vs his natural tackle) due to lack of guards on team.  Ranking could improve in 2015.
8. Jehu Chesson - new rank: 3 star  2012 rank: 3 star                                            Blocking machine that has yet to really put it together as a WR.  Advertised as spped merchant - do not see that in actual games.  That could be due to the QB not finding him but if he was a true speed demon TV analysts would remark more often how open he was as he made the DB look like molasses.  That said, one of the best WR blockers seen in my time, and a hell of a special teams player.  Seems destined for 3rd/4th WR role.            
9. Dennis Norfleet - new rank: 3 star  2012 rank:  3/4 star   A sort of glue player with no real home.  Mostly a special teams player and now a converted slot WR who does not get that many touches.   For a player obtained on the last day of the recruiting cycle he has been an asset.  But sometimes his lack of vision and lack of straight line speed stops him from being what UM fans wish he was to be IMO.  That said a flash here or there in 2014, hopefully more growth in 2015.   
10. Chris Wormley - new rank: 3 star  2012 rank: 3/4 star.  I came into the year super high on Chris Wormley.  Thought he and Henry would be the 2 breakout stars on the DL.  I was half right.  An ACL held him back early in career - he came on late last year to make some splash plays that excited me but thus far this year, barely noticable.  Due to size and ability to create TFL in 2013 still holding out hope this comes together for him in 2015.  But right now a role player.       
11. Amara Darboh - new rank: 3 star   2012 rank: 3/4 star.                                               This is a difficult grade - he won the starting job in 2013 before injury felled him.  Has been quiet in 4 games aside from explosion vs a very bad Miami OH defense.  Maybe in 6 weeks he will look like a major contributor.  Maybe not.  For now he is all about potential v production.  This is a grade based on hope.
12. Kyle Kalis - new rank:  3 star   2012 rank:  5 star                                                        With all the caveats of "can't judge an OL too much too early" this is up there with Terry Richardson as a major disappointment at this moment.  Lauded as the "most college ready" OL we had - struggled mightily in 2013 and displaced as starter in 2014 either by injury or by a walkon.  Has never looked like a "plus player" in his time yet.  MSU starts a walk on at LT named Jack Conklin from the 2012 class who gave up zero sacks last year in pass protect at a tougher position; so its not impossible to ask for decent from this age of OL.  Hence based on peer group, I am not going to say its unfair to judge him in year 3.
13. Ben Braden  new rank: 3 star  2012 rank: 3 star                                                            I've put him behind Kalis only because in the sh****** that was 2013 OL he never was even put in the rotation despite being handed a guard role in spring.  He never took to it and obviously would not displace the two 2013 tackles.  From people who watch OL a lot closer than me, he is one guy who they worry about the most in the first 4 games.  Still have hope here for 2015 since he is a first year starter.
14. Jeremy Clark  new rank:  3 star  2012 rank:  3 star.   No idea what Jeremy Clark is right now, seemed to have lost the competition for starting safety to Delano Hill in camp but injury thrust Clark into the role. Looked good versus App State but ... its App State.   Seems to be a solid player but hard to tell.  Maybe in 8 weeks we move him up 6-7 spots in this ranking, just too fresh of a prospect at this point to evaluate.  Great size if he puts it all together
15. Royce Jenkins Stone new rank:  2 star  2012 rank:  4 star                                    Came in with a loaded offer sheet and was supposed to be 1A and 1B with Ross III.  Rarely saw the field first 2 years on defense.  Was supposed to be a camp star ala Bolden this spring and fall but with the SAM position eliminated thru much of the first 4 games has seen spotty playing time.  When he did he has not graded well on UFR (-3 vs Miami OH if my memory serves)  Hard to expect much from hin in 2015 which is already his senior year.
16. Matt Godin - new rank:  2 star  2012 rank:  3 star   He plays a little here and there.  Did so in 2013 as well before an injury late.  Sort of an emergency role player as best as I can tell.  Not sure if there is any real upside in 2015 other than becoming a better emergency role player.
17. AJ Williams  new rank:  2 star  2012 rank:  3 star.   Sort of a filler type guy at TE who does not catch the ball.  His blocking is questionable.  Jake Butt and Funchess both passed him quickly when given a chance and a converted DE now competes with him for time.  With Bunting arriving in 2015 expect even less of a role go forward.

EDIT - I missed Mario Ojemudia in this list - I will insert him at rank 9.5 between Norfleet and Wormley.  New rank: 3 star   2012 rank:  3 star .                            A backup DE who is not particularly impactful at this point, and rightfully stuck behind Frank Clark.  2015 role will be a starter by default as Taco Charlton, Henry Poggi, and Lawrence Marshall are the only other DEs currently on the roster slated to return.

I have not ranked Sione Houma as I am unclear of his impact or future; I don't notice him during game days, frankly not sure if he is playing much.  Others can weigh in.

The following are not ranked - they have had little to no impact in their time at UM.  I will therefore tag them as 2 star type of players as a bunch.  At this point any meaningful contribution in 2015 forward will be a surprise.

• Terry Richardson - 2012 rank: 4 star 
• Tom Strobel - 2012 rank:  3/4 star  [never discussed as even a depth DL player]
• Blake Bars - 2012 rank: 3/4 star  [never discussed as even a depth OL player]
• Allen Gant - 2012 rank: 3 stars
• Drake Johnson - 2012 rank: 2 stars  [4th on current depth chart with 2 high profile 2015 recruits coming]

Last, no longer with the team

• Kaleb Ringer - 2012 rank: 3 star

Note:  This gets saucy.  

Worst:  Death of an Optimist

People who have followed this diary know I'm a pretty optimistic guy.

But I'm done.  I'm done with this season, with this coaching staff, with this whole f'ing show.

It isn't the losing; teams lose games.  Utah isn't a good team, but neither is UM, and this was one of those games, like ND, where the breaks of the game are zero-sum; "good" plays require the other side to have a "bad" ones, but those constructs aren't always tied to the overall qualities of the two teams.  In other words, while Utah's punt return for a TD is because Brady Hoke is a dinosaur with his head up a slightly less-evolved dinosaur's ass, a college kicker connecting on a couple of 50-ish FGs in a rain storm is just kinda ¯(ツ)/¯.

But I'm getting off track.  I'm not a fan of hypoerbole, but this is the Mississippi State game for RR times a hundred.  Last year's MSU game was horrible but it was expected given how poorly the offensive line looked and how tough MSU's defense turned out to be.  But Utah isn't a good team defensively, or at least isn't the type of defense that should be able to hold UM to 3 points offensively.  It isn't the points that matter, though, because that would be comically simple and depressing.  Both Idaho St. and Fresno St., two teams with a combined 2 wins in 7 tries between them, scored more points against this Utah team, and both of those games were on the road.  And it isn't the yardage or statistics, as UM outgained Utah on the ground, took fewer penalties, dominated TOP for most of the game, and for long stretches looked dominant defensively.  Like against Notre Dame, the team played better than the numbers on the scoreboard.

So maybe this is just another bad break, you say.  And maybe Utah is poised to go off on another undefeated, fantastic season, and Michigan was just the first of many unlikely victims.  And honestly, that mindset would have been me a couple of weeks ago.  But things have changed.  No, what happened Saturday is more than a bad loss, because those happen to good teams all the time.  And it wasn't just that the f'ing winningest team in f'ing college football history, with a 5th-year QB and a 1st-round WR and oodles of talent up and down the roster (young as it may be), couldn't score more than 3 points against f'ing Utah.  No, what killed my optimism about this team and this staff, about this program as it is currently stumbling through another shitty year, is how absolutely true-to-form it is to the dreams of the men in charge.  Which brings me to my next point...

Worst-est:  This is Michigan Football

For Dave Brandon and Brady Hoke, this is the perfect embodiment of football.  No, not the losses, but that's secondary.  To both of them, this brand of Michigan football is a perverse homage to a bygone era in football when men were men and you won because of grit and heart and having institutional advantages over smaller programs due to years of recruiting tactics, demographics, and inertia.  It's stupid punting formations, always huddling without any sense of urgency, the 100k attendance record, and wringing every last possible dollar out of a fanbase that for decades was all too happy to do so if you stroked its ego and won 8 or more games a year.  The Michigan that we all see on the field isn't what most of us want, but it's what the hive mind in Schembechler Hall thinks is good for business in Ann Arbor, and so nobody with the power to change it wants to right the boat.  And that's a f'ing tragedy, because the lights are going out and Jack ain't coming to put UM on a door until the rescue party arrives.

Michigan isn't what it was, and "what it was" was never how a certain subset of the fanbase, including apparently this administration, remembers it.  I know it is blasphemy to question the "fabled" history of UM football, but since the 1940s Michigan has been the definition of a high-level "plugger", the type of team that won games by showing up and beating the teams they should and losing to the teams they should by following a simple script.  And yet as the game kept changing, Michigan remained its anachronistic self, buffered somewhat by this conference's stupidity-sealed bubble that talks about competing nationally while the University of Kentucky out-recruits everyone not named Michigan, OSU, or Nebraska and hiring every mediocre MAC coach with a pulse while the rest of college football laughs and points.

And when the fanbase seemingly had had enough of being run off their own field by a bunch of fowl, and the administration took a shot on a guy who helped bring about the current age of the sport and won everywhere he coached, a bunch of faux sentinels of the "good days" cut off his legs at every chance and sat back as a combination of self-inflicted wounds and the rotten core of a dying program ending his run.  RR's failure as a head coach at Michigan is one thing; you can be a good coach and not be a good fit at certain places.  But Brandon and his cohort didn't view Rodriguez's ousting at UM simply as a bad fit, but instead as "proof" that this new-fangled version of college football, where smart guys try to take advantage of inefficiencies in the game and implement offensive and defensive systems to do so, is just a fad and the good old days of swinging your member around on the sidelines and expecting the opposition to be scared off are back.  Instead of trying to find another good coach and help him with the PR element, Brandon did what he learned as a one-time CEO of a mediocre mass-market pizza maker (acquiring the position only because his investment firm was trying to flip Domino's for a short profit) and hired a guy for a short-term PR bump and to goose the bottom line without considering the long-term ramifications for the program.

And that gets us to Brady Hoke, the last guy in the room when the music stopped.  Hoke seems like a perfectly nice human being (when not talking to the press) who was a mediocre head coach before he came to UM (though I do think the under-.500 record part is a dumb metric) and who rode some nice pieces to an 11-win season before reverting to what he is; a guy who isn't very aware of modern college football and doesn't care much for what he has heard.  Brian keeps referring to Hoke and Brandon thinking the ideal football was played in 1997; to me, that's being generous.  That team may have been conventionally similar to past units, but for one year Carr recognized he had great talents in guys like Woodson, Griese, Tuman, Thomas, Ray, etc. and put them in positions to succeed.  Hoke looks at a team with a 5th-year QB who can outrun most defenders and who has a physically dominant WR and tries to nut up for 3 yards a carry after bleeding 30 seconds from the game clock.  He's not an idiot (the guy has forgotten more football than I've ever known), but he is stubborn, myopic, and as beholden to his "system" as any coach; the problem is his system should have been buried with hair metal and New Coke when its expiration was hit.

And sadly, even if Hoke and Brandon are gone at the end of the year, I don't see how things really change around here.  Michigan isn't going to try to get an up-and-coming AD with a focus on fan appreciation; they'll just hire another suit who talks about brand management, synergy, and "keeping true to tradition" while everyone else in college football politely nods in public and laughs in private.  And best-case scenario (for some) Michigan gets a Harbaugh or a Harbaugh-type, which means UM probably wins for a couple of years behind a dynamite recruiter before he pisses off enough people (or gets enticed back to the NFL) and then we start this song-and-dance again.

So I guess that's the state of Michigan right now: a degenerate looking for his next quick fix, afraid to venture outside of his comfort because it might mean truly having to change.  Michigan is no longer the "leaders and the best", but a f'ing punchline to discussions about antiquated football and how the new guard of college football teams are making their mark.  This is Michigan, and it ain't going to change anytime soon.

Worst:  The Offensive Playcalling

I'm not going to crap on the offensive players too much because (a) I'm not a fan on picking on college kids when they are clearly competing, and (b) they didn't do THAT badly.  Yes, there were a distressing number of TFLs, and the offensive line looked out of sorts at times, but many of the issues felt like miscues more than an inability to perform.  Devin Gardner was off all day, Funchess seemed limited by a lingering ankle injury that was totally worth the 4-yard gain he picked up against Notre Dame when Michigan was losing 31-0, and nobody else seemed able to catch the ball or get open downfield.  Green ran well when he made a decisive cut, but struggled at times with decisions and being asked to run parallel to the line against a small-but-fast Utah front 7.  It was a bad performance, but it felt in large part due to the playcalling.

Man was this an awful game to watch from a coaching perspective.  It reached its nadir when Chris Spielman loudly pointed out that Michigan showed absolutely no sense of urgency in the 4th quarter despite, you know, being within 2 scores of a lead/tie.  He kept using this word "tempo" and "speeding up the game" as if this coaching staff had ANY FUCKING clue what that meant beyond that fact that it was what "pussies" used when they couldn't play football.  Every play was stare at the sideline for the signal, huddle up, walk to the line, act like you are going to check into something else when the only playcall was to slam your collective dong into the doorjam again, run the clock down to near 0, then repeat.  It was playcalling for appearances instead of purpose; Brian equated it to looking like you were playing football when you really weren't trying to.  Today was worse than when it happened against ND because at least there the game was out of reach and I suspected that the staff didn't want it to get any uglier by taking more risks with a young team on the road.  But this was was a home game against a meh opponent that Michigan was absolutely still in; a TD score at any point in that second half turns that into a very real game and maybe changes the outcome.  But the offensive playcalling stunk of quitting, of trying to keep the boss happy.  It was disheartening and frankly offensive to the fans, and one more middle finger to everyone from guys whose arms should be tired by now.

Michigan never tried to throw deep, or if they did it was only after botched play-action passes that needed eons to set up and left Gardner eating well-timed blitzes in the gut or throwing into quad coverage because the captain has turned on the "THROW TO FUNCHESS" sign in the cockpit.  Maybe with Funchess being hurt they lacked a deep threat, which is sad but could have been mitigated somewhat with the type of slants, crossing-patterns, picks, etc. that other teams have in their arsenal.  When it became apparent that parts of the line weren't going to be able to hold up against Utah's until-this-game mediocre pass rush, nobody on Michigan's sideline thought to turn the playsheet over and try to throw from the shotgun to at least give Gardner a chance to see the rush and survey the field.  Norris and Orchard were living in the backfield for most of the game and Michigan's response was apparently to keep running their base offense and, I don't know, hope they get tired.  I stopped keeping count of the number of 2nd-and-longs and 3rd-and-longs that Michigan set on fire with draw plays and short throws to the outside, and for every nice playcall (e.g. the pitch for the 1st on 4th down), there were absolutely boneheaded ones (Gardner's scramble on the failed 4th down conversion where Michigan had 1 blocker for 3 Utah defenders).

Now, I recognize that some of the struggles were in execution versus playcalling; Nussmeier and Hoke aren't calling in for Williams to whiff on a block or for Funchess to short-arm the catch on Gardner's first INT.  I'm sure Gardner has been instructed to work through his progressions, but in this game it seemed like it was 1-and-scramble.  And I'm willing to cut Nussmeier a bit more slack because, well, the guy has only been here for 4 games and it is hard to un-teach some bad habits.  But Borges is gone and the same stupid shit keeps happening, and this feels more and more like a mandate from Hoke, or at least a desire to run the most inefficient offense imaginable.

Worst:  About Those "Hidden Yar..."
Worst:  You Stupid Ass, Stop Punting Like it's 1970

So yeah, you know how Brian talked about "hidden yards" in the preview against Utah and how Michigan's punting formations have bitten them in the ass since Hoke showed up?  Well, Utah took one to the house to take the lead in the 2nd quarter and finished with 83 yards in returns.  Michigan?  They finished with 3 yards, with a long of 9 that was basically Norfleet making a bunch of guys miss.  I don't think it made a huge difference in this game, but it remains one of the MANY embarrassing elements of this coaching staff.

Best:  The Defense Deserves Better

Under Rich Rodriguez, it was trendy to say that Michigan's offense deserved better than the historically bad defense they had, and while that wasn't 100% true it did feel like the offense suffered somewhat by the defense being unable to get off the field.  Well, under Hoke it feels like the tables have turned; the defense has become one of the better units in the country while the offense has regressed tremendously.  Outside of an RPS 67-yard pass in the first quarter, Michigan's defense was sufficiently dominant in the first half.  It scored on an INT and constantly harassed Utah QBs, including a tombstone piledriver the likes of which you usually only see in bingo halls surrounded by Juggalos.

Even as the game progressed and Utah pulled away, the defense kept Michigan in it.  Utah had three total drives over 54 yards on the day, ending in a total of 10 points.  The two second-half FGs were just great kicks; when a college kicker puts 48- and 50-yarders through the uprights with yards to spare in a driving rain storm, you just have to shrug and move on.  Plus, both of those scoring drives came after offensive turnovers, one on downs and the other on Gardner's second INT.

For the game UM held Utah to around 2 yards per carry, 35% on 3rd-down conversions, and under 300 total yards despite facing 69 plays.  They had 11 TFLs, including 3 sacks.  The unit still lacks a dominant playmaker, but it is rapidly-improving and has shown it against a couple of good offenses.  Put this unit with IU's offense and the Hoosiers are winning this conference in a walk.  Though it is unlikely in the event of a coaching change, it would behoove Michigan greatly to keep Greg Mattison and the bulk of this defensive staff together, especially if it means they can move Manning out of the secondary and into a better fit.

Frank Clark continued his great season with his first sack, and if he continues to play like this he'll be hearing his name in the first couple of rounds of the NFL draft.  I thought Jourdan Lewis played really well, getting to breakups and generally keeping up with Utah's WRs.  Countess looked comfortable at Nickle, and Jake Ryan looked as disruptive as we've seen all year.  Willie Henry had his fat guy TD, and was able to get a push inside that really disrupted Utah's entire offense for long stretches of the game.  It was a performance worthy of a win, and my lagging hope for this team rests squarely on the defense keeping them in games against the dreck of the conference coming up.

Worst:  Can You Have a QB Controversy When Everybody Struggles?

Gardner looked like a mess after that first quarter, but Morris didn't look any better when he came in the 4th quarter.  Gardner was throwing late all day, and got Funchess crunched a couple of times on balls that shouldn't have been thrown; you are seeing what 3 OCs in 5 years (and no real QB coaching) can do to a guy.  Part of the blame should fall on him for repeating the same mistakes, but it's hard to imagine that Gardner would have to go on an impressive hot streak to come close to approaching the numbers he put up last year, one that many Michigan fans consider a disappointment.

Morris showed a bit of life and still has all the tools to be a top QB, but it's been 2 years and the game still seems to be flying by him a million miles an hour, and next year I guess he'll just have to figure it out on the job, because there is nobody waiting in the wings to step in unless Malzonne comes in like a house of fire.  If you want to throw in the towel on the season then I guess you give Morris more reps and see what happens, but based on Hoke's press conference he seems set on the farce that Michigan can still compete for conference titles and will roll with Gardner to the end.  Gardner still feels like the best option, but at this point I'm not sure it matters.

Worst:   Michigan Screwed Michigan

One of the seminal moments in modern wrestling history was the night that the "Vince McMahon" character became an on-screen entity during the infamous "Montreal Screwjob".  The Cliffnotes version is that then-WWF/E champion Bret "The Hitman" Hart had agreed to sign with WWF/E's main rival WCW, and before leaving Vince McMahon wanted Hart to lose the title to "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels.  Now, Hart and Michaels did not get along for a variety of reasons, chief amongst them the fact that Michaels was a notorious asshole at the time and Hart came from the old-school wrestling Hart family.  Hart had absolutely no desire to lose the belt to Michaels, and had told Vince he'd drop it to anyone else.  Making the matter even more difficult was the fact that the next PPV was Survivor Series in Canada, Hart's home country and a place where he is a beloved son.  Varying accounts note that both sides had agreed on a screwy finish to the match such that Bret retained against Michaels but he would lose the title shortly thereafter.

During the course of the match, Michaels locked in Hart's signature sharpshooter submission hold.  This is a common trope in wrestling, and typically doesn't lead to a finish in the match but instead simply some added drama.  Yet, as soon as Michaels had locked in the hold and the referee started asking Hart if he submitted, McMahon called for the bell and informed everyone that Hart had tapped and awarded the title to Michaels.  Mayhem ensued, with Hart trying to kill people in the ring and beating up McMahon backstage.  Hart left for WCW shortly thereafter and only semi-recently made peace with the WWF/E.  For his part, McMahon became one of the most hated/beloved heels in wrestling history, and helped kick-start the Attitude Era that was the last boom period for professional wrestling.

So why bring this up here?  Well, because the story morphed from McMahon screwing over Bret Hart to Hart doing it to himself by failing to evolve and work with the direction wrestling was going.  Hart was a popular champion but not a transcendent one, and while his in-ring work was top-notch he wasn't pushing PPV gates and merchandising enough to justify his salary.  He was poached by WCW as much to piss off McMahon and weaken his promotion than because WCW felt Hart would be a huge star for them; though his career was cut short following a concussion during a match with Goldberg it wasn't a smashing success after the initial excitement of the move.  Hart wasn't a dinosaur by any means, but like Michigan he seemed always a bit stuck in the past, a little too earnest and milquetoast for an entertainment medium that was moving closer to the edge of raunchiness.  It didn't mean he couldn't be successful, but the ceiling was there for him.

I know this is repeating stuff from above, but Michigan put themselves in this position by ignoring most of the changes that have been going in college football for the past 10-15 years.  They are scared of change not because they are afraid of failure as much as they are afraid of ever having to explain WHY something didn't work.  Hoke would rather stand there in front of the press and say they didn't "execute" or "make enough plays" to win instead of saying he tried something new and he believes in it even though short-term results are poor, because with the prior you can harken to the past and at least say you were doing your job.  But try something new, anything new, and you have to justify why, and my gawd is that impossible right now for this group of guys.  Maybe Hoke and the team will rally; again, this is a terrible conference and they could lose to MSU and OSU and still finish with a decent bowl game.  But the past ain't coming back, and the longer this school keeps its head in the sand about it the more irrelevant they will be.

Best:  Minnesota

I'm calling this a best because Minnesota can't throw the ball and is even less creative offensively than Michigan; Michigan will probably win this game and Hoke will be able to stand at the podium and spout off about "heart" and "resiliency".  But this season is already lost, and the sooner it is put out of its misery the better.

     I'm having a little {BANG - BANG - BANG } trouble tonight, stringing together my {BANG - BANG - BANG} thoughts into one coherent {BANG - BANG - BANG} narrative. You see, my wife decided today was a good day to have the {BANG - BANG - BANG} carpets replaced. I've read many MGoPosts about clueless friends who schedule their weddings on Fall football Saturdays. I envy those people. I would much rather have gone to a wedding today than have stayed home watching that game while putting up with that incessant hammering. After 14 years of marriage, my wife still doesn't understand the importance of football Saturdays to me. Though I must admit, with so many recent games being like todays, that importance is waning. She also doesn't understand football. After one particular play she asked, "is it OK to tackle from behind?" Yes, Honey, it's OK to tackle from behind. Since the game started at 3:30PM (more on that later), I was able to watch with my wife and son. He goes to Chinese school Saturday mornings and usually misses the early games. He's only nine, and up until today, he had shown no interest in football. But today, he decided to join me for the second half. In honor of that, I will be using things he said as my section headings. I think you will find them rather insightful.

     I took an Intro to Philosophy course many years ago at UofM. I probably mentioned that before. It's one of the few classes that stuck with me. EECS 216 I've forgotten completely. Anyway, the Professor had an enormous, Jay Leno-like chin, that he used to great affect. He would stroke that chin and ask questions like, "How can you be sure that barn you see in the distance is real, and not just a paper mache barn?" He stressed the 'MA' in mache as if he were Beth Mowins, but I digress. I only mention this as a literary device to introduce the major philosophical questions I am currently pondering. For example, if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, does it make a sound? That one has bothered me for years. Likewise, if a football team plays a game and no one is there to see the ending, did they still lose to Utah? Sadly, the answer to the latter is yes. #Boxscoredon'tlie (Is that how I do the hashtag thing? Can I use apostrophe's? That just doesn't look right.)

     Before getting to the links, I have to note that Dave Brandon continues to mess with my boxscore. This week, he put a Dodge Dart advertisement right in the middle of it. I've got to upgrade my browser. Anyway, here are the links:

Boxscore link: http://www.mgoblue.com/sports/m-footbl/stats/092014aaa.html

Play-by-play link: http://grfx.cstv.com/photos/schools/mich/sports/m-footbl/auto_pdf/2014-15/box_score/stats_20140921aaa.pdf

Burst of Impetus
* My brother was at the game and texted me, "burst of impetus" after the Willie Henry pick-six. While I'm always on the lookout for impetus-bursting plays, I'll wait for a few plays to see if the momentum has shifted sides, or if that seemingly momentum-swinging play was just a one-off, crazy play. Sadly, that pick-six seemed to wake up Utah (more on that later) and give them the impetus.
* After Henry's touchdown, Utah had a drive to end the half that ended in a field goal, and started the second half with a drive that ended in a touchdown. So instead of momentum switching to Michigan, Utah had the ball for the next 21 plays, gained 121 yards, and scored 10 points before we got the ball back.
* Then it started raining really hard and the impetus didn't matter any more. OK, time to switch to cute things said by a 9-year old.

"What kind of throw was that?"
* Devin Gardner was 14 for 26 for 148 yards, with no TDs and 2 interceptions.
* I'm guessing the DSR in the UFR is going to be really ugly. Even on the completed passes, Gardner was consistently throwing behind his receivers, making them break stride and limiting the YAC.
* The one nicely thrown ball so surprised Funchess that he only reached out for it with one hand, deflecting the ball and causing an interception. Prior to that throw, Gardner had led Funchess into some really big hits over the middle, so that may have been the cause of the alligator arms.
* I'm getting to the point where I'm going to stop reading Brian's previews. I was expecting an offensive explosion due to Utah's position-switchers and whatnot in the secondary. However, after watching them play and hearing Chris Spielman slobber all over them, I'm expecting to see the entire secondary drafted in the first round of the NFL draft next year.

"I thought he was good."
* Yeah, this was also about Devin Gardner.
* He did distribute the ball to 10 different receivers, and finally started using his RBs in the passing game. Green and Hayes caught two passes each.

"That doesn't help at all."
* Referring to Nussmeier's decision to run the ball on 2nd and 22. The play gained zero yards. BRING BACK BORGES! (/ducks for cover.)
* This could also refer to Brady's stubborn decision to stay with the NFL-style punt. We can only hope that giving up a TD on a punt return to Utah finally clues him in. Utah netted 42 yards per punt from a 42.6 yard punt average. Michigan netted 18.2 yards per punt. My crystal ball shows an MGoQuestion coming about the shield punt approach and a, "next question" response from Brady, followed by Brandon revoking the MGoPressPass. I haz a sad.

"I could run better than that. He just stops."
* This was probably after another Michigan run where the ballcarrier was upright and motionless, and got hammered into the turf by a Ute.
* Green did have a somewhat successful day, carrying 14 times for 59 net yards and a 4.2 YPC average. The problem is he gained 20 of those on one carry, and was not able to break free on anything else. It's difficult to sustain a long drive when every set of downs sees you facing a 3rd and 7 or a 3rd and 9 because a run gets stuffed and a pass is thrown behind the receiver. So far, we haven't demonstrated explosive players capable of making explosive plays, so drives plod along, and there is no room for error, but we have a young team and errors are proving to be unavoidable over the course of a 10 play drive.

"Is this live?"
* The problem with the DVR is that my son has lost all touch with temporal reality. I first suspected there was a problem when I saw him watching a cartoon and he asked the same question. No, son, it's a cartoon.
* Unfortunately, I was watching the Michigan game in real-time and had to sit through the commercials {BANG - BANG - BANG} and the hammering, which further dragged out the depressing effects of the game.
* I was hoping it was just a nightmare, but I checked the boxscore, and it was live. #boxscoredon'tlie

"Another huddle? Really?"
* Seriously, my son actually said that. I don't think he reads MGoBlog, and I hadn't said anything about tempo or huddling. So if a 9-year old can watch Utah succeeding with pace, watch Michigan plodding along, and gets exasperated at the huddling, why can't Brady figure this out?

The rest of these are my thoughts...

Brain Abnormality
* Normally, brain abnormalities are off-limits for me humor-wise, but it was pointed out more than once that Utah's starting quarterback has a special helmet due to his brain abnormality. More importantly, he recovered from falling on his head and possibly being concussed to lead Utah to victory, so I feel like it's OK to make an exception in this case. Michigan's football team got beat by a QB with a brain abnormality. Que the Morrissey, "That's the story of my life, the story of my life, 16, clumsy and shy, I went to Ann Arbor and I, was beat by a QB with a brain abnormality, a brain ab-nor-mal-i-ty..." You can sort of make it work if you stretch out a few of the syllables.
* Michigan outgained Utah, 308 to 286 yards. Michigan had 19 first downs to Utah's 13. Stop it, now my brain is starting to hurt.
* So how does this happen, again? Outgaining an opponent and yet, getting clubbed like an immature seal? (We're better than a baby seal, but still... 3 offensive points in 2 games against real teams? Immature seal, man, immature seal.) Obviously, turnovers and special teams factor in. The other thing that's really weird about this team is that the offense can consistently gain some yards, but they can't sustain any long drives. Meanwhile, the defense can sometimes be great and force a three-and-out, or they give up a 9 play, 79 yard drive. There's no in-between with the defense. It's really weird.
* So in really simplistic terms, it's like Michigan has 8 drives of 40 yards per drive resulting in zero points, while the opponents have 4 drives of 0 yards and 4 drives of 80 yards. Advanced baseball stats look at expected runs based on the number of hits you get. If the hits are clustered, you'll score a lot of runs. If you are unlucky, the hits get spread out evenly over 9 innings and you get shutout. Are we just extremely unlucky this year? Might there be some truth to that pissed off gypsy Brian keeps mentioning?

Miscellaneous
* I can't believe they threw the ball to Funchess on the first play of the game and got him injured in the process. There's a whole game to play, how can you risk getting him hurt on the first play? /s
* The boxscore shows the game starting at 3:36. Weather is listed as, "Cloudy with rain." The next line reads, "GAME INCLUDES A WEATHER DELAY OF 2:24." Good God, they finished that thing?!? And why is my boxscore yelling at me?
* So I've been promising a discussion of the start time. Well, here it is. Everyone knew the rain was coming. I even saw someone on Friday predict a 29-29 score with the game cancelled by lighting in the third quarter. How was this game allowed to start at 3:30PM? I've witnessed numerous occasions where games were moved DAYS due to weather concerns, although this usually only happens in Florida during hurricane season. Why didn't someone from the Athletic Department tell ABC to shove their 3:30 kickoff and do what was best for the players and the fans in attendance and move that game up to noon? This would also have the beneficial aspect of getting the west coast (well, mountain west) team to play the early game in the eastern timezone, which for anyone who bets pro football knows is a lock for the home team. But no, the game had to start at 3:30, Utah got their wake up call from Henry's TD, and the yardage-balanced rout was on.
* I'm skipping TFLs this week. That would just be piling on at this point.

Since it's "Bo's Lasting Lessons" theme-year here at ItBS, let me leave you with this quote from the book:

The top job is too complicated to rely on instincts and inspiration alone. If you're not organized, you'll end up spending too much time taking care of the small stuff when you should be taking care of your people and their concerns.
That's why we organized everything we could months before our guys got into that huddle. Twenty-five seconds!

Does that sound like a Brady Hoke coached team? I mean, it's year four already. I'm starting to think he didn't learn enough from Bo.

Utah is the only state where their national parks and most prominent letter in the state name match. Since first laid eyes upon, the arches in Arches National Park, have mesmerized humans to the point of graffiti in scorpion infested caves. The vivid images stick in my head from the words of Krakauer and Abbey. Utah is a place to go for outcasts, foolish miners, and spiritual cleansing. Tonight, The Utes brought a thorough spiritual cleansing to Ann Arbor in unusual style.

 Instead of arid air or peep stones, They brought a torrential downpour that cleaned out the already depopulated Big House and a long moment of clarity for Michigan, its coaches, and fans. Shortly after Hoke and Mattison got done arguing over who executed getting off the field least, the team was in the locker room for over an hour to sit there and realized that they were down 16 points to a vastly mediocre team. Fears also grew that Mattison may well have been without a headset after a violent spike on the tear soaked turn of Michigan Stadium. This long pause gave fans the feel of the game was over, but the punishment was on hold like some sick twisted NCAA version of the Green Mile. The thought that Shane Morris just threw a pic before the delay was even more depressing. Now even the hope of Shane Morris battling back the desert crusaders was deflated if not drowned in a pool of its own filth.

All of this is happening while the heavy fog of karma crushing the Michigan fan base’s consciousness. Like arches in Utah and the first letter of that enigma of a state, in a lesson of what goes around comes around. This or at least a hard lesson involving boomerangs and lack of proper hear gear. It was a loss to Utah that sent up many of maize blooded fans under Richard Rodriguez and has come around to nail our ever sagging faces again with more red flags that the ship is sinking and there will be nothing left but a nuclear hellscape populated with Nicholas Cage and his minions of komodo dragons.

This comes at the heels of an embarrassing win against Ben Cheeseburger University and even more humiliating drag through dog shit of a loss to the Green Weenies of South Bend School of Atlantic Coast Affiliations.  This leaves the only confident MANBAW win against a newly minted Sun Belt opponent that also beckoned a dark period approaching, Appalachian State. This isn’t how any of this was supposed to work.

We have sold our stadium for weddings, tradition for grotesque uniforms that Oregon turned down, and we have forced our coaches into being adopted by millionaire families. After chasing that damn hillbilly out of town and getting rid of the Lake Michigan, maize blazer wearing mariner, Bill Martin, we brought in two “Michigan Men.” Former CEO of a home grown Michigan pizza chain and former back up in the golden years combined with a former assistant that once was graced with being within smelling distance of having a good waft of flatulence from another “Michigan Man,” Lloyd Carr. Ergo, the baton has been passed to keep the blood line pure. However, I’d like to challenge the dominant logic behind that. I think Mary Sue Coleman would agree. All of this drama has driven Mary Sue Colman to drink publically and retire. 

A Michigan Man is real, but the way of arriving at that status is not always hereditary. Bo was from ohio. He became a “Michigan Man.”  Players come from all over the country come to Ann Arbor and become “Michigan Men.” Some do not.  In fact, some coaches and players, the fact of being on the team does not automatically inject you with the spirit of the ultimate “Michigan Man,” Paul Bunyan. One does not simply become a “Michigan Man” by association. One becomes a “Michigan Man” by thought and values. The very similar mentality of many of successful head coaches around the nation. Dave Brandon is a whiz at marketing and salesmanship and Hoke is a whiz at clapping his hands while keeping his ears the same color tan of his face and running a clean program. There needs to be a coach that is involved in at least one side of the ball. Saban would mutilate your skull with his championship rings if you tried taking his head set away.

Utah brought this moment of clarity between the haze of smoke and blur of vodka through their pilgrimage to the largest stage in football with brutality and a soaking rain that would make cows in a rock garden feel impotent. Although the experiment in branding and folksiness had its positives, we need to find the next “Michigan Man.” I mean, this is Michigan fergodssake. 

The first three UM games provided little for my desire to gif things, but here's my B1G in a nutshell: