A guy who gets it slightly more than the first commenter on the post.
In re: the sabotage version of Special K for a Day:
This is pretty obscure, so you're totally excused for having missed this, but I think all institutional destroying from the inside pretty much begins and ends with this deep cut: mid-70s Ann Arbor art-noise collective Destroy All Monsters reuniting in 2002 (with the late Mike Kelley on vocals) and disemboweling "The Victors" (begins about 0:47).
This is it:
I still like it better than "In The Big House."
Obviously Hoke and Co. are killing it on recruiting now and things couldn't be better. One thing my friends and I were talking about is how come there are so few good lefty quarterbacks historically. I'm only 29 so my football references are limited, but beyond Steve Young, Vick, Mark Brunell, Esiason, and Tebow can you think of any other top lefty quarterbacks that panned out? Should we be worried about Sugar Shane? Any idea why this is the case? Do high school coaches see strong lefty quarterbacks and immediately focus them on pitching?
I was initially going to dismiss this as paranoia but here's a blog post listing every lefthanded QB in NFL history as of this year. There have been 39 total, and the list of current lefty starters is Vick and Matt Leinart. Since Young retired in '99, the only lefties to have anything resembling a career are Scott Mitchell, Brunell, Vick, and Leinart with Tebow pending and Chris Simms carving out a modern-day-Todd-Collins ramblin' backup sort of career. Lefties are only 10% of the population but that's a period of 22 years with four(!) lefty QBs of any significance, one of them (Vick) a guy whose amazing physical gifts bought him chances he otherwise would not have gotten. Young was a scrambler, too.
The baseball explanation is plausible. The google leads you to the wikipedia and shows you an extensive discussion of the over-representation of lefthanded players in a lot of sports, including baseball, and when you think about the profile of a potential NFL quarterback and a potential MLB pitcher there's not a whole lot of difference. It's nice if they're tall, they don't really have to run much, and they have to be able to throw a ball through a brick wall. The baseball players don't have to be able to take a helmet to the ribs without folding in half. Football players don't seem to have that kind of restriction. A Venn diagram of the two groups has the NFL prospects as a subset of those for MLB.
The main difference between the two groups is their reaction to left-handedness. MLB says "yes please, with a cherry." The NFL says "this is inconvenient, now I have to reconfigure the offensive line. " So the guys in the NFL subset are much more likely to be sucked out of football, and voila: your population of 6'4" lefty riflemen who enjoy getting crushed is even more depressed relative to righties.
That's a long way of saying that I don't think Michigan has much to worry about in re: Shane Morris. The forces that make lefty NFL quarterbacks rare aren't likely to apply to individual quarterbacks who happen to be lefthanded.
addendum to most embarrassing Michigan items
probably should be slotted in just under the flying squirrel sleeping bag:
the name is incredible. Where is thematic gnome 1?
I think I may know the answer to this since I stumbled across a thematic gnome in my perusal of the official site:
I didn't put it on the list despite its ridiculousness because it's a mean gnome wearing a Michigan hat, what looks sort of like jean shorts, and fake wolverine-like shoes that I doubt exist in real life. It's almost so ridiculous it's defensible? I don't know.
The comment thread on that post turned into a confessional about which users had which items—no one confessed to the chili powder—so these things are obviously subjective. That is, they're subjective unless you're the other variety of person on that thread: the ones who were incensed that the product they perceived as most ludicrous was not higher.
brian, discussing superconferences today got me thinking. if the standards of a conference are 1 crossover game (as in a 16 team superconference) and a post season championship game, then doesn't the big ten and pac 12's future scheduling agreement of 1 game per year and champions playing in the rose bowl create something of a 24 team superconference between the big ten and pac 12?
why should either conference accept any more lower rung schools to dilute their tv money and bowl payouts to get to 16 teams when they already act in the equivalent capacity of a superconference?
I'm like… whoah. The chatter about the Big Ten-Pac-12 pact giving the conferences the advantages of a "superconference" without the drawbacks didn't make much sense to me when it happened, but putting it in that perspective is close to sense.
The way it makes things make sense is by making superconferences seem inexplicable. The ACC went to 14 in a panicked attempt to stave off poaching, or at least preserve a semblance of quality in its aftermath. The SEC went to 14 because Mike Slive screwed up his television negotiations. Absent those motivators why would anyone make a move like that? There is a clear motivation to get to 12—championship game—and none to go to 14 or 16. The superconference meme relies on the idea that the champions of the 16-team Death Stars will meet in a playoff, but how do you get there? You can't have a playoff without the Pac-12 and Big Ten, and neither of those conferences has any motivation to expand.
Hell, if you're Texas or Oklahoma the same logic applies to your ten-team conference. Right now those two teams have the easiest glide path to a playoff. They seem uninterested in getting the conference up to even 12 now that they've stabilized things.
The reasons you usually hear about the motivations to expand are hand-waving about footprints and stuff, unexamined Commisioner's New Clothes assumptions. Opposed to that are very obvious concerns about scheduling and keeping the pie slices the same size when you add teams. 16 team contraptions aren't a stable state. The rumbling in the ACC suggests even 14 is going to be awkward.
Via the Rubio Long Snapping Flickr
In a commitment that caught pretty much everyone off guard, Ottawa (IL) long snapper Scott Sypniewki has committed to Michigan on a full scholarship, as first announced by long-snapping guru Chris Rubio and confirmed by multiple outlets. Sypniewski is the 21st commit in the class of 2013 and (surprise!) the first long snapper. A bit more info on his commitment comes via Scout's Allen Trieu ($):
"They said they need one. They just lost their starter, Tom Pomarico. They have one guy who is going to be a senior and they were going to bring in two walk-ons. They've seen my film and knew I was good enough to start there and that's why they offered me a scholarship."
No further explanation is necessary, I'm sure.
|NR LS||NR LS||NR LS||NR LS|
Sypniewski, unsurprisingly, is not rated by any of the recruiting services. Chris Rubio Long Snapping, however, specializes in this sort of thing, and they've got him as the #2 long snapper in the 2013 class (Taybor Pepper was 6th) and a five-star prospect. Sypniewski is listed at 6'1", 230.
The above link comprises almost all of the available scouting information on Sypniewski that a 15-minutes Google-stalk could turn up. It is, shall we say, laudatory:
Sypniewski is a man on a mission. Body is looking thick and muscular. He is moving well and snapping rockets. Attitude on this kid is amazing. Tell him to do something and consider it done. He has a good time but is full of rage when he is snapping. Love it. Ball is smooth, on target and crisp. He gets set and BOOM! the ball is in your hands. Very impressed with him and he is a no brainer scholarship kid!
Sypniewski is just flat out fantastic! Ball is like a missle yet very easy to catch. Movement is flawless and he is snapping with ease. Looks like he is not even trying but, before you blink, the ball is right on your hip. Accuracy, consistency and speed are all excellent. A tad lighter on his feet could bump him up and I am being picky. Sypniewski is terrific and is snapping with a TON of confidence. I am fully expecting him to stick his chest out and dominate in Vegas. 4/12
There's also this, er, juicy tidbit [emphasis mine]:
Excellent job by Sypniewski. Body is becoming athletic and thick. Huge legs and butt. Great for a Long Snapper. Ball, when he snaps the ball HARD, is absolutely fantastic. Blocks extremely well for his age when he gets back. Tremendous personality. Does a great job of improving every single time. Great worker and will be a great teammate to those around him.
The Wolverine's Andy Reid caught up with Rubio—who's been coaching Sypniewski since 2009—shortly after his commitment for additional insight ($):
Rubio said Sypniewski's strengths are his size and strength in the blocking game and, most importantly, the speed and fluidity of his snaps.
"He's fantastic," Rubio said. "His snap is just so smooth, but it's still a such a rapid movement. You almost think there's no way it could be coming this quick, because it's still so smooth. It's just boom, hits you."
"I would like to see him work on his footwork, continuing to get downfield after the snap. But, in all honesty, he really doesn't need much right now to make the step up to the next level."
Sounds like he could be an early contributor, as current snapper/folk hero Jareth Glanda will be a redshirt senior when Sypniewski gets on campus. I won't really attempt to add anything else to the scouting of a long snapper, especially since—as you'll see below—there's an astounding amount of film on the kid. He's got a 15-yard snap time of .69 seconds, [Ed-S: This is 44 miles per hour. Four FAKES out of FIVE!] which I imagine is very good but have zero context for saying so.
UPDATE: There are a couple of other long-snapper rankings out there, and it appears there are large disparities between the respective lists—if I had to guess, these rankings vary wildly depending on whose camps these prospects attend. Sypniewski comes in at #14 on Kohl's Professional Camps snapper rankings, and indeed, you must attend one of their camps to be included. Here's their writeup:
Scott has a solid frame with very good mechanics. His overall SS and LS accuracy is good and he is consistent with his snap speed. Scott finished with an average snap time of .74 seconds at the Midwest Showcase Camp in December of 2011 with his best snap time recorded at .70 seconds. Scott has good footwork and a quick ball release which allows him to get back into protection quickly. He has great lower body explosiveness with good ball rotation. Scott will be a good fit for any protection scheme.
Prokicker.com, meanwhile, doesn't have Sypniewski in their top 25 for the class of 2013, though if his reported snap times are close to accurate, he's should probably be in the top couple spots.
[H/T to mgouser goblueritzy92 for dropping those links in the comments.]
Sypniewski's Scout profile, which probably was created 15 minutes ago, lists no other suitors besides Michigan.
FAKE 40 TIME
None listed, unfortunately. All of the FAKEs.
Yes, we've got highlights:
Oh, and it doesn't end there. For 15(!) more videos of Sypniewski snapping, click here.
PREDICTION BASED ON FLIMSY EVIDENCE
When Sypniewski arrives on campus, Michigan will have Glanda as a redshirt senior at long snapper as well as 2012 preferred walk-on Tyler Tokarsky. Tokarsky, for what it's worth, says his plans to attend Michigan have not changed despite the news of Sypniewski's commitment. Sypniewski and Tokarsky should battle for the starting job in 2014, then hopefully we'll never hear from either again barring any improbable catches on fake field goals.
If you remember, Michigan did have a second preferred walk-on snapper lined up for the class of 2012, Taybor Pepper, but he chose to attend Michigan State when Mark Dantonio offered him a scholarship.
UPSHOT FOR THE REST OF THE CLASS
The Wolverines now sit at 21 commitments in a class that should reach 23-24, though one has to wonder if there's any concerns about extra attrition given the offer to a position normally filled by walk-ons or players who change positions. Michigan will likely still take a wide receiver—there's still a spot reserved for Laquon Treadwell, at least—and they could also add a cornerback, running back, or strongside defensive end.
anything you can charge I can charge at almost equal efficiency
A cherry-picked statistic from Michigan's worst home schedule in a long time and an eyebrow-cocking assertion caught my attention yesterday:
Michigan increased football ticket prices for this fall's six home games, but could another increase be in the works?
It certainly seems that's the direction.
Dave Brandon, Michigan's athletic director who spoke to the Wolverines Caucus on Tuesday, said 43 percent of the athletic department revenue comes from ticket sales.
"We're woefully under-market," Brandon said.
Michigan earlier this spring announced what it called a "modest" increase in football ticket prices. The six home-game package is $390, or an average $65 per game. Ohio State charges $75 a game, and Brandon said that gives the Buckeyes more money to put back into their athletic program and makes them more competitive.
This claim probably catches anyone who writes a check to the university by surprise so I thought I'd check it. It's hard to do so since the documents you can FOIA from the two schools list things a lot differently. They also do things differently: OSU has no mandatory annual PSLs. Instead they have a "Buckeye Fund" you donate to which gets you points that gets you priority, etc.
But the bottom line is I don't think Michigan fans are getting off easy. In 2010 OSU's eight-game home schedule netted them a total of $42.1 million. Michigan's seven games that year brought in 33.1 million. In 2011 OSU's seven home games were projected to bring in $36.4 million; Michigan's eight were projected to bring in 41.3 million. Over those two years that's a deficit for Michigan of about 270k per game, or about $2.45 a ticket.
It's hard to get a grip on exactly what the comparable numbers are in donationland but Michigan seems to have an advantage. In 2010 Buckeye Fund donations were around 10 million. Michigan's PSDs were $8.9 million plus another three million in "other gifts." Their nascent club seats and suites brought in $7.8; the year after things got in full swing and the fancy seat donations brought in $13 million. In 2011 OSU brought in $11 million from its fancy seats and another 3.5 from a "stadium ticket surcharge".
Add it all up and…
|Regular ticket sales||78.5||74.4|
|Suites and club*||22||26|
*[I used the 2011 numbers twice here since it was clear Michigan expected the 2011 number to be closer to accuracy going forward.]
…the gap is essentially nonexistent, the equivalent of $1.70 a ticket over those two years. Without the temporary surcharge Michigan would have an advantage. It's not clear what market Brandon's looking at. If it's the one in Columbus he's wrong.
Ah, I see you entrusted the future of your defensive backfield to Chris Richards
and Johnny Sears, and offered Carson Butler. You shouldn't have done that.
With the additions of two defensive tackles—the only sore spot really left in the class—the 2013 haul is starting to take shape, and this shape is looking pretty darn shapely. Granted we thought the same last year when thousands of 4-star linebackers and linemen burst out of their Ohio prisons to join the Wolverines, leaving—we thought—the staff several months to chase down a few 5-stars. Those didn't really materialize, and might not again. But it's just
November … August … Early JUNE (!) and there's 20 guys in the next class, and they're mostly blue chips, and unless ESPN has done something drastic to their scores I think an entire legion of superheroes just pledged to my alma mater.
If there's any doubt that Brady and Hokesters (this is a terrible name for our coaching staff) are killin' it on the recruiting trail, consider this is now the second year in a row that a board thread has been started to ask is this the Best Michigan Football Recruiting Class Ever?
M-Wolverine beat me to it, but the gold standard here is still 1995—in a word: CharlesWoodsonTomBradyeeeeeeeeee. Also Renes, the Williamses, James Hall, Tai Streets, Aaron Shea… That class was the core of the national championship squad and populated NFL rosters for the next decade. (SI Vault--->)
Putting Captain Hindsight on the sidelines for a moment, the anecdotal standard is 1998. That class was sterling at the top, headlined by Drew Henson (who had nine confirmed miracles by October of his senior year). Before pos-bang threads existed, the fanbase-wide giggle session from Henson playing catch with David Terrell in Central Park nearly toppled the young Internet. Marquise Walker (9th best player in the country overall according to Sporting News), Justin Fargas, Cato June, and Hayden Epstein were too considered Parade All Americans. LB/DL Dave Armstrong and LB Victor Hobson were close. Tom Lemming of Prep Football Report and Bobby Burton of the National Recruiting Advisor named Michigan 1st in the land; Allen Wallace of Superprep put us behind UCLA because they had DeShuan Foster.
(Also in 1998, 548-year-old Brooks MacCleod Bollinger beheaded the Kurgan, won the Prize, and signed as a freshman with Wisconsin.)
The 2013 class isn't expected to be so rich at the top, and thus is unlikely to win the same beauty contest, but it's deeper, still naming high-three star types at the point of the list where '98 was tapering off into French Canadians. The ratings are bound to shift—down as do most early commits as more of their classmates are evaluated and placed on the board, and various uncommitted Top 25 recruits leap toward this year's shiniest object—but at this point there's already enough of it to start, you know, thinking about what all that promise actually promises.
Since '98 and other successful classes occurred before humanity shifted its considerable intellect from inventing things and pondering the meaning of our existence so we could figure out how teenagers work, there is no easily accessible written record from that era with which to compare, except the little from DeSimone. Certainly 5-stars and whatnots existed before 2002, but that's where the Rivals and Scout databases begin, so we shall too.
2002 to 2013 to Various Scouting Systems
Again, I'm throwing out hindsight for now because the Class of 2013s are currently 75 percent of their way through high school, an accurate assessment of their actual abilities not available until 2017 or '18. The class before them hasn't stepped on campus yet. Half of the class before that are redshirt freshmen right now. As to the rest, yes, individual players often vastly under- or out-performed their rankings. Insert usual essay about recruiting in the aggregate is legit yo.
You've seen the way I like to represent this before, putting the classes beside each other with heat-colored levels. I'm not sure if I explained why they're lined up that way; the idea is you can see how many blue chips (4-star and higher) on the left side of the mid-line, and assess how many depth guys and fliers (3-star and lower) you're filling in with. The yellow-green guys (5.7 to Rivals, 79 to ESPN) seem to be 40-60 to become solid Big Ten-level starters or better; the ones over the 4-star threshold something more like 55-45, thus I'm trying to represent a kind of mid-point.
Clicking embiggens, but you can see what's causing the excitement already: Scout is very bullish on the recruits Michigan has verbals from already, and ESPN has either dramatically changed their ranking system or somebody slipped them a press release about Shane Morris taking practice shots at Jake Butt. The numbers are on a Googledoc if you can see if/where I went wrong with this.
At this point we allow Captain Hindsight back into the room…
The captain says 2008 is going to be rough.
This is that column on the spreadsheet where I tried to reassign star ratings based on each player's performance. A 5-star is a major-impact player who probably got drafted in the 3rd round or better; a 4-star is an All Big Ten sort—the RVBs of the world, or a player like Kovacs who's a star but has an exploitable hole in his game (yes, Kovacs was added to 2008). A 3-star is a contributor but in a just a guy way, a 2-star someone we didn't want in there (think Savoy or Banks). The "NR"s are mostly injuries or early early attrition but not the later stuff; if we got a good look at what a guy can do I rated him, e.g. Mallett is still in there for 2007, since coaching change losses aren't likely to apply to us any time soon. This isn't supposed to correlate with performance; it's meant to see what recruiting classes yield.
What struck me most is how long we seem to have been going without those 4-star-like dudes, exactly the type of guys these last two classes have been filled with, and which characterized '95. I too hope some of the more epic blue chips we're after sign up, but even if they don't, the 20 guys in this class are already among the better ones signed in the last decade, and it's not out of the question that they may some day be the best.
Bo. Via MGoVideo:
Playoff bits. So now the Big Ten is saying "screw playoffs altogether." Jim Delany is advocating for the four best teams in any playoff that does occur, and everyone hates the system of voting we have in place now. Delany:
“Everybody recognizes that the present poll system is not a good proxy,” he said. “It’s flawed, it’s not transparent, it has people who have a stake in the outcome voting, it measures teams before they play a game.”
I hope Bill Hancock has a fainting couch.
At this point it's clear that most fans don't have the same priorities in mind as the people in charge of the leagues they're fans of—see SEC expansion—and arguing with them on the internet is pointless. It's like trying to communicate with sentient mushrooms. Their desires are so alien that attempting to comprehend them leads to you shooting railguns at a distant planet for no reason other than fear.
Whatever happens, we can be assured that everyone was in favor of it at some point. Even the generally sober folks employed by actual newsgathering organizations are getting peeved at this point. Adam Rittenberg:
"A computer doesn't have an eye," Delany said. "So an eye test is missing if there is an injury" or other issues with a contender. Delany also said the impetus for change is that the BCS "has been battered and criticized" and treated "like a piñata" for the past 15 years. So to reiterate: The Big Ten's No. 1 preference would be to keep a current system that everybody hates and which uses a totally bankrupt formula to select its teams. Gotcha.
Sentient mushrooms, man.
IRONY EXPLODE. Dave Brandon, one of the Big Ten's most prominent complainers about a playoff:
"Every change I have ever proposed has been met with resistance," Brandon told the crowd… "I don't care what it is, any change that's been proposed, this has been a culture that wants to resist it, because we all want to go back to the way it was when we were there because that's friendly and that's comfortable."
Notice how he switches back to "I" from "we" when he's talking about all the great stuff he does and not the fact that six different uniforms in a season may have been a tiny bit excessive.
No move. UConn's AD has restated that the Huskies will not move their return game scheduled for next year from their home field. That's fine by me but now the UConn bloggers are looking at the $2 million buyout clause and wondering if the game will ever be played. I'd guess it will since there's not a whole lot of time to find a suitable replacement, but Brandon's had occasional grumbles about the indignity of playing at such a place since he arrived.
UConn's ace in the hole may be their athletic director. They hired Michigan alum Warde Manuel away from Buffalo, so Michigan may be more willing to go through with things.
Incoming pointage. Those Indiana junior/senior All-Star scrimmages have kicked off and the first one featured a lot of the above-pictured activities. Glenn Robinson III was 9 of 10 from the field en route to leading his team in scoring. He also added seven rebounds in 22 minutes. Junior rep Zak Irvin was his team's leading scorer as well, though he didn't shoot as well as GRIII.
Pee and flee. A couple of OSU players are suspended indefinitely—or at least until they pick up their whatever misdemeanor plea bargains—for urinating on the side of a building, then taking off when the cops arrived:
Police in Shawnee Hills, Ohio, a Columbus suburb, spotted the two players and a third man not connected to the football team early Saturday urinating outside a restaurant near Stoneburner’s house, located just off the course at Muirfield Village Golf Club.
Collins said the men dashed away when they saw a spotlight, unknowing it belonged to police. He said Mewhort and Stoneburner stopped about 40 yards away from the restaurant and did not attempt to hide.
This is not interesting—it's no defensive tackle Dukes of Hazzard attempt. I just wanted to call it "pee and flee." BONUS: these guys were peeing on the side of a building mere feet from a thicket dense enough to hide in. Sounds like they need to take OSU's Andy Katzenmoyer Memorial Drunken Decisionmaking 101.
Kind of good. A re-rank of the top 100 basketball prospects from last year finds Trey Burke in rarefied air:
5. Trey Burke, Michigan (84)
Along with Cody Zeller, Burke was named Big Ten Freshman of the Year and second team All-Conference. He and Zeller are also, comfortably, the top two freshmen returning to school this fall. Burke came out of nowhere (or, at least, the "obscurity" of the non-McDonald's All-American section of the ESPNU Top 100) to be a superstar do-it-all point guard for an NCAA tournament No. 4 seed. He scored often, he scored efficiently, he passed, and he took care of the basketball. The Wolverines' round of 64 loss to Ohio shouldn't alter the fact that Burke had a fabulous season. Michigan returns their three key players from 2012 and adds a pair of recruits capable of making an immediate impact. There's a reason expectations for 2013 are high.
Cody Zeller is the only guy higher than him who will be in college next year.
Like Coke, but fast. Drake Johnson tells a delightfully weird story about Fred Jackson to Kyle Meinke:
"I'm sitting in his office, and there was a fridge right over there, and he's like, 'You hungry?'" Johnson said. "I'm like, 'No man, I'm not hungry.' So he's like, 'OK, I'm going to grab myself a Coke.' So he grabs himself a Coke and he sits down.
"He takes maybe two sips, and he's like, 'Hey Drake, you want something to drink?' And I'm like, 'No, I'm still good.' He's like, 'I think I'm going to get myself an orange juice.' I'm like, 'Dude, you have a Coke in front of you.' He says, 'It's fine.'
"So I'm sitting there, and maybe two minutes later, he's like, 'I think I'm going to get myself a drink,' and I'm like, 'Coach, you already got two drinks in front of you, man! Your thirst can be quenched by what's in front of you.'
"He says, 'I'm just going to grab myself some water. You want some water?' And I'm like, "Nooo, I have Gatorade in my hand, guy. It's fine.'"
My thirst cannot be quenched by what's in front of me, Drake. What is satiation? THE MOMENT BEFORE YOU'RE THIRSTY AGAIN. Now let me tell you about how you are a taller, quicker version of Jim Brown. /dondraper'd
Suggestion box. Cover It Live has decided to charge out the nose for use of its product. Running Signing Day liveblog alone would now cost $300. It would have cost the site almost a thousand dollars last November. All this for a moderated chat system. This is clearly not a good use of funds, so I'll be looking for alternatives. Let me know if you know of any.
Etc.: Will Campbell's hood-crumpling registers in the Fulmer Cup. Pro Combat uniforms for Northwestern. More on Big Ten baseball's tough spot. NHL draft roundup from MHN. Holdin' The Rope on the Denard play. The first one. You know, that one. We need a nickname for it. Shoelace in the dirt or something. Mark Donnal invited to the NBPA camp. Can we stop giving credit to Jim Delany's amazing foresight when the conference he's piloting has won two national titles in fifty years?
Please don't take offense at clearly manufactured Queensbury-style smack-talk emanating from real journalists at ESPN. None of the journalists cares one whit about anything that is not the relevance of the serial comma in today's fast-paced society.
A week or so ago, Ohio State sent a recruiting letter to "Peroia, IL" that eventually reached the home of Michigan OT commit Logan Tuley-Tillman after the post office got done laughing at it. Tillman, perhaps following the example of Devin Gardner, burned the thing and put a picture of it on the internet.
Now that twitter has migrated off of college campus and Pitchfork enthusiasts, this ended badly. LTT fielded a number of misspelled death threats, Kyle Bosch sort of responded in kind, and the son of a federal judge put out a bounty on Tillman's knees that he eventually turned into a donation to the university of Michigan after he realized he was the dumbest guy in this entire scenario, and that this took some doing.
In an effort to prevent something like this from happening again, we've scoured Tuley-Tillman's social media accounts for other incidents in which he's burned something and posted a picture of the internet. By exposing these now, we hope to get any and all kerfuffles related to them out of the way before the young man arrives on campus.
These photos are absolutely not doctored, but if it turns out they were it was Heiko who created the images.
Tate Forcier's Homework
LTT on decision: "I felt that a six-foot wheeling gunslinger was what the CFL had been lacking after Doug Flutie's retirement."
OSU fans' response:
AL: "Them's so squiggly it makes my brains hurt."
RON: "You aten't got but one brain, Al."
OSU: "You have just received a bachelor's degree in logic."
Negative outcome: Lack of Devin Gardner redshirt.
Jim Bollman's Playbook
LTT on decision: "It's a complicated story involving subspace dimensions, but the short version is it threatened to suck the entire universe into an alternate physics where anything that leaves the ground explodes in a shower of viscera. This was revealed by Tate's answer to question 5.5, which I unfortunately had to burn to save the CFL."
OSU fans' reactions: Weeping joy.
Negative outcome: Happy OSU fans.
A Garbage Dump Full Of Tires
LTT on the decision: "The Big Ten needed a twelfth team."
OSU fans' response: Appointed Jerry Kill to coach it.
Negative outcome: Existence of Minnesota football.
East Lansing Couches
LTT on the decision: "All part of a diabolical plot to make MSU students look not very smart."
OSU fans' response: "We are aware MSU students are not very smart."
Negative outcome: Waste of time that could have been spent reading Chaucer.
LTT on the decision: "You have no idea how much I hate elves."
OSU fans' response: They cower under the great no-seeing Eye when a white-clad Hoke arrives from the East on the fifth day. [Memo to self: get Heiko to photoshop a see-no-Evil Tressel Sauron.]
Negative outcome: Huge rock lands on Antonio Bass.
LTT on the decision: "I'd imagine this one is self-explanatory."
OSU fans' response: Slow-motion NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, declaration that "Rocket Man" is the best song ever.
Negative outcome: 404 file not found
Random Bush In The Middle Of The Desert
LTT on the decision: "A man has to practice. Surely there will be no consequences arising from this."
OSU fans' response: "Can you give us an illustrated version of this thing?"
Negative outcome: Have you ever read the book of Joshua? Things got dark.
LTT on the decision: "PEROIA FOREVER WOOOOO SUCKIT CHICAGO."
OSU fans' reaction: "He never had the stones to play for Meyer. I don't see him burning down New York. Burning the city of Chicago to a cinder is the coward's way out."
Negative outcome: Millions of dollars in property damage, deaths, you know, that kind of stuff.