"Rodrick Williams Jr.'s 10-month old, 2-foot-long savannah monitor named "Kill" gets the RB some strange looks when they go for walks together."
It's gonna get hairy out there. I foresee SUVs parked on top of each other, four to a stack. The lady on top of the stack has had too many wine coolers and is waving a kebab around threateningly.
Avoid certain doom at the hands of kebab wielders by reserving your spot ahead of time with Park 'n' Party. PnP has organized the parking situation around the stadium so that you can get a season pass at one of the many lots nearby. Eliminate pre-game worries; park next to friends so that when they have too many wine coolers they brandish their kebabs elsewhere.
If you've got an Event with an Expense Account attached to it, you are a lucky dog. Also Park and Party has many suitable places with attached man-caves with TVs and fancy block M brick patios.
There's a button midway down the right sidebar that will take you to their site if and when you need to secure your future attendance against ravenous hordes of people with tiny metal sticks with undercooked mushrooms on them. Or you could click on the links.
Kebabs are terrible. As tailgate food. I'm sure there is a way in which they can be good. They are terribly ill-suited for tailgating. Watch Joe disprove this spectacularly next week.
Your move, Ohio: a continuing series. One of Pluto's moons was lovingly shaped by the solar system as an homage to the great state of Michigan:
Hydra, on the right, is a dead ringer for the lower peninsula. No word yet on which of Pluto's more obscure moons looks like the UP. Probably the one with Houghton on it.
DAY 53. They said they captured it. They lied. Remain stuck in the FXB. Bodies of the innocent piled up outside the door. Smell of putrefaction overwhelming, but intermittent. There it is again. The door is open. Another poor soul attempts to make a break for it. The sounds of his failure are familiar by now, the horror of it distant, the boredom present.
Incredibly, I hear a lecture on aerodynamics going on somewhere above me. If I had the energy I would scream at these people. Scream bloody murder. Scream that the only aerodynamics that remain relevant in our lives are those that will take us from the top of this building to the street below.
Unless, of course, its maw intercepts us.
I do nothing. Above they drone on about lift ratios. Outside, Satan's final victory over Earth.
You may be waiting for your doom in the FXB but at least you didn't do this. A new challenger appears in the Worst AD Ever competition:
In December 2011, Kansas was strongly considering tabbing Auburn offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn to be its next head coach. … Malzahn had never been a college head coach, and neither had [Mark] Mangino before he arrived in Lawrence. Yet Malzahn was the O-coordinator for Auburn as the Tigers stunningly went 14-0 and won the 2011 national title, and Mangino coordinated Oklahoma’s national championship offense shortly before landing the Kansas job.
For Kansas, the Malzahn match made too much sense. But in a defining decision, the Jayhawks changed course in the final moments and opted to go with the biggest name they could get.
That happened to be Charlie Weis.
This year, Kansas has 64 scholarship players and will be paying Weis more than they pay their actual coach. The Weis phenomenon remains one of history's most inexplicably fascinating periods.
Wherever you go. Hey, I've been some of these places.
Endzone Brandon's Lasting Lessons. Bacon did an hour-long interview with Drew and Mike that is fascinating. Drew and Mike did extensive homework and focus in on a lot of the key areas of the book; at times they ask direct questions about things Bacon can't respond to because no one would go on the record. Some things that I think aren't even in the book leak out:
- Brandon would make comments about personnel during his film-watching sessions—possibly even outright suggestions. Even if this the most benign version possible, it's so bad. Imagine your boss sitting down with you and saying "Devin's not doing so well." Now you are in a lovely pickle.
- If I read the thing about how Brandon's entourage would call ahead to hotels to make sure they had someone to open his car door, I must have blanked it out in an effort to defend myself from my brain's reaction to… that. Ditto that Brandon turned down private planes that were too small.
- Bacon thinks that Schlissel may have been inclined to wait until the end of the academic year before deciding what direction to go at AD, until that was suddenly no longer tenable. That would have been bad.
There's more that I can't remember off the top of my head. Eleven Warriors has an excerpt from the wild 42-41 OSU game.
Iowa fans on Rudock. Going to be fascinating to watch what happens at both Michigan and Iowa this year, particularly if Rudock outperforms CJ Beathard. BHGP is in the midst of its season preview content; their roundtable spends a question considering the departed:
Will Iowa fans miss Jake Rudock?
Adam: Not unless Beathard gets injured. Iowa fans saw two full years of Rudock. He’s a known quantity, and it was mostly a substandard quantity. If Rudock outperforms Beathard this year, it’ll likely be more of a referendum on Iowa’s and Michigan’s coaching staffs than on their quarterbacks. …
Patrick: Absolutely, because if there’s two things Iowa fans love, it’s a backup quarterback and the guy they let get away. The narrative changes have already begun, and will only get worse if Rudock is successful at Michigan or Beathard struggles. The vitriol directed at Rudock last season, most of it undeserved, will be completely forgotten the second that Beathard checks down to a two-yard out route or throws a horrible interception to the sideline.
Those are the two extremes of what's about a 50/50 split. If Rudock does seem significantly better, the fallout from Iowa City will be vicious.
The answer is yes. Look, kid, everything in life comes with a cost.
As pediatric cardiologist Dr. Ronald Grifkas howed 10-year-old Ivan Applin the wire-framed device that would be used to fix the holes in his heart, the Toledo fourth grader had just one burning concern.
“He asked if the Michigan doctors were going to make his heart love University of Michigan instead of Ohio State,” his mother Jennifer laughs.
When you grow up you'll be thankful for the switch. You'll put liquids in your cooler and remove them without any unfortunate encrustations upon them. You might have a law degree you're actually able to pay off!
Butch TD, 1979. Via Dr. Sap:
Love how Ufer immediately knows that's a program record.
Also, a 1980 feature on Gary Moeller from Michigan Replay:
Etc.: Surprise! Alabama's Cost of Attendance figure shoots up. Michigan ranks high in the pernicious and generally useless university rankings that have increasingly driven colleges to ridiculous measures in order to rank well, so they've got that going for them.
Spike was the most efficient pick and roll player in the Big Ten last year, albeit on relatively low usage. Via Steve Lorenz, Gus Johnson wanted to name his daughter after Bo. That's a new one.
The Highlights: WolverineHistorian
The Setup: Although Michigan finished second in the Big Ten to Iowa, their victory over Ohio State earned them a top-notch bowl bid; the fifth-ranked Wolverines would face off against the sixth-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers, who'd climbed as high as #2 in the polls before falling to Oklahoma in their regular season finale.
The Wolverines were looking for their tenth win of the season. Bo Schembechler also wanted to improve his 2-10 bowl record. He'd have to do it in his first matchup against Tom Osborne.
[Hit THE JUMP.]
It’s back, ladies and gentlemen. It’s that time. The time that seems impossibly far away when the snows melt in spring. The time on which you try not to let yourself dwell through the summer months, lest it somehow prevent the pot from boiling. You can say it out loud now, without fear that your family or coworkers will think you insane. It’s football season. Say it out loud. "Football season." It’s okay. No one will judge.
As part of the tradition here at MGoBlog, we provide a weekly update on Michigan’s opponents. For very complicated reasons that would take far too long to explain, we call this feature “Opponent Watch.” Most will not be 3800 words, but we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.
About Last Year:
Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes...
The Road Ahead:
Last year: 9-4 (5-4 PAC 12), won Las Vegas Bowl over Colorado State
Recap: The Utes had a pretty solid 2015. They put up wins over UCLA, USC, and Stanford, and had Oregon on the ropes early before Kaelin Clay pulled an all-time you see, what had happened was and Utah fell 51-27. Three of their four losses were to then-Top-15 teams (Arizona State, Oregon, and Arizona).
When last we saw them: Utah allegedly made a trip to Ann Arbor as recently as last season. Obtaining eye-witness evidence of this fact is difficult, and those who claimed to have witness it cannot explain significant portions of their experiences. However, from what we can gather from those in attendance it was, quote, “not great, Bob.”
This team is as frightening as: Getting a new car, but the first time you drive it is in downtown rush hour traffic. You’re pretty sure the car is gonna be awesome, but you would have liked to take it for a spin in some easier conditions until you get used to it. Also the car is clinically insane. Fear Level = 8
Michigan should worry about: Michigan has struggled offensively in all three games they’ve played against Utah. In two of those games they scored a combined total of two touchdowns, one of which was a Willie Henry 7-yard interception return. Their most productive offensive game from a scoring standpoint was the one that NICK SHERIDAN started… against the Utah team that beat Alabama to finish undefeated and #2 in the country. Football is stupid and makes no freaking sense. Yay football.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Michigan already played part of a game against Utah in front of more Utah fans than Michigan fans, so there will be a certain comfort level there.
When they play Michigan: If Michigan loses, Utah will be only the second team Michigan has played more than three times (among teams Michigan has played at least once since the Kennedy Assassination) against whom they have a losing record. The only other team? USC.
First game: HARBAUGH COMIN’ UP ON A THURSDAY
[AFTER THE JUMP: 11 more opponents to watch. Wait, is that why they call it…]
The first rule of Draftageddon is "you must complain about Draftageddon." The second is "the four people drafting assemble teams of Big Ten players in an effort to seem the best at drafting." The third is "you vote on who you think assembled the best team." The fourth is "This is actually our Big Ten preview."
THAT WHICH HAS COME BEFORE
Previously on Draftageddon:
- Adam takes a guy with a ~33% chance to start first overall! Joey Bosa lasts until pick 3! Seth is generally sensible! For him that counts as Heiko-ing, I think!
- Brian takes back to back QBs! Several additional Ohio State players go off the board! 24-12!
- Ace takes Braxton Miller as a QB and then shrugs expansively when he ends up a terrifying H-back!
- Seth takes a one-down pass rush specialist! Brian takes a kicker! These are both totally defensible selections! Big Tennnnnnnn!
- A run on Michigan players! Maybe people will stop hating this!
- Large kickers! Also bad safeties. Fin.
In order to ensure a bountiful harvest and that all further injuries and transfers will affect only Northwestern Wildcats, every year we sacrifice a little bit of what makes us human to discuss what just occurred, and try to summarize all of Draftageddon into a single, informative around-the-Big Ten preview.
We'll defend our teams and let you vote on them later; this is the informative part. I sent out a mini-questionnaire to all the selectors and got back the following:
1. So many Spartans (15) and Buckeyes (19). Skip the justifiable ones and tell us which were the most overrated?
Seth: Josh Perry==Joe Bolden, and I'm skeptical of any 1st round grades for their secondary because their DL was so good we rarely got to see Powell or Bell even have the opportunity to biff a coverage. That goes double for MSU: Cox is barely holding down a job, and was behind Hicks, who was so iffy last year they had to play Lippett both ways. Neither Williamson nor Nicholson could hold off the other last year. Kodi Kieler is just okay, though at that point Ace was picking from bad OT options.
Adam: Eli Apple and Raekwon McMillan, whom Ace and I took in the ninth round, respectively. I think both guys will have successful seasons, but those are two guys who played a significant amount in 2014 but have yet to start a full year. Looking at others at the same positions, there were guys with proven track records who went later that you could make an argument for flipping with Apple and McMillan (Briean Boddy-Calhoun and Desmond Morgan come to mind). There is, however, a price to upside.
Ace: I think Taylor Decker (with Jack Conklin on the board) and Adolphus Washington (a host of quality DTs) went earlier than they should've, even though both are fine players. Demetrious Cox was one of the more questionable picks in the whole draft. I'll cop to overrating Josh Perry—I wanted Ed Davis, overcompensated in the aftermath of him going off the board, and... actually, I guess that kinda worked out.
Brian: Will Gholston.
[After the jump: why we drafted more Wolverines than Spartans]
THING NOTES: Illinois, you will be shocked to learn, is not good at the football. Rudock was under siege before and after this game; in this one he occasionally got a rusher after a beat or two but was otherwise unmolested. His receivers also got open some, which is a notable change. This is the version of Rudock that Michigan will see if the other parts of the offense go as well as possible.
CHRONOLOGY NOTES: This was before the Wisconsin and Nebraska games, after Maryland and Illinois.
[After THE JUMP: Mike Dudek vs Everybody]
Your impressions of Jake Rudock?
“Yeah! All those quarterbacks are doing a great job. This is day 21 of practice. I guess it’s 10 days until our first game, and all of them are competing and doing a great job.”
With him taking the majority of the reps Saturday is that an indication that he is the No. 1 guy?
“No, there’s no decision that’s been made.”
How close are you to having five linemen that you’re settled on?
“We’re not. You know, every group is competing and we want that because it brings the best out of everybody. So we’ll just keep tinkering around and putting guys in there in and out, and when the time comes we’ll make that decision.”
When do you want to have it by?
“I don’t know yet. I don’t know that yet. Like I said, we’re 10 days out from game time, so when the time comes we’ll make that decision.”
Can you sense that build up? You’re going to be on a plane a week from tomorrow. Can you start sensing the excitement?
“Yeah, you do. You do. It’s always fun to go play somebody else because you’ve been playing against each other. It’s one day at a time right now but you do sense it, yeah.”
Looking at your receivers you have an interesting mix. You have a bunch of young guys who’ve not played at all and some veterans as well. What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned about your receiving corps?
“I think they’ve got very good speed, they’ve got good hands, they catch really well, they’re disciplined in their routes. A lot of positive things. A lot of guys making a lot of catches. Blocking really well.”
[After THE JUMP: A (very) rough timeline for announcing the starting QB]