FWIW. Michigan doesn't seem inclined to get re-involved.
There was that one guy, whatshisface... Gore? Lane Kiffin must be that guy from Memento. From Scott Wolf's USC blog:
It's easy to get fixated on freshmen because they are new faces, but wide receiver Travon Patterson seems ready to assume a vital role. Patterson turned a 5-yard pass into about a 60-yard play and he's clearly the fastest receiver.
"Travon brings something we haven't had in five years,'' offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin said.
Unless "something" is "a guy named Travon," I'm pretty sure he's wrong no matter what he's talking about.
Yeah... Pete Carroll. I'm beginning to think that the similarity of his last name to "Carrell" is no coincidence, as he can't get enough of hilarious stunts that seem better placed on the set of The Office.
As an assistant coach gave the Trojans a tongue-lashing while watching video of a lackluster afternoon practice, Carroll--complete in an official Wonder Bread NASCAR racing uniform and helmet--appeared from the back of the room, accompanied by the roar of an engine and shrouded by the smoke of a fog machine. Carroll raced to the front of the room and, as the team howled in laughter, informed the Trojans that they were going to take a break from football and go to the campus theater to watch the nation's hottest movie, "Talladega Nights, The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby."
Unbeknownst to Carroll, the REAL Ricky Bobby--Ferrell, a former USC student--came in from the side door, also decked out in his NASCAR outfit. A stunned Carroll and his Trojans erupted.
Aaaand Bill Simmons just threw up in his mouth. Apparently the chances of Pete Carroll returning to the NFL are nil, because he can't play wacky forgiving dad to grown men. Did he try this stuff with the Patriots? And if so was he surprised when they stopped listening to him? The interaction between The Orgeron and Carroll must have been fascinating.
In previous seasons, a number of celebrities besides Ferrell have visited Carroll's Trojans at practices and games: Snoop Dogg, Nick Lachey, Spike Lee, Henry Winkler, George Lucas, Alyssa Milano, Kirsten Dunst, Sophia Bush, Chad Michael Murray, LeVar Burton, The Game and Anthony Kiedis.
Maybe it's just me. (via Feldman($), who diplomatically refers to it as "more offbeat stuff.")
Etc.: Philadelpha Inquirer article on Avant; Tom Friend got a call from Clarett on his night of aborted rampage/suicide/lint removal; Michigan Sports Center has video of the Cold Pizza interviews with Hart and Henne; Mike Farrell makes mountain out of instate recruiting foothill.
Needs Going In: Minor since uber-LB recruit Brandon Graham showed up weighing 270 pounds and was immediately moved to DE. He joins raw but athletic Adam Patterson in the freshman class. Three more players from said class could end up at DE: John Ferrara, Greg Banks, and Quintin Woods. Woods is slated to start at TE but the other two will be somewhere on the defensive line.
Commitments To Date: Whitehall, Michigan's Ryan Van Bergen commited a month or two before camp
Potential Commitments: Four-star Delaware end Devon Still claimed a Michigan lead a few weeks ago but after him the prospects are few and far between. Perhaps he's enthralled with the uniform after years of growing up with Delaware Blue Hen football. Illinois five-star Martez Wilson continues to list Michigan but is widely presumed to be destined for ND -- there's no accounting for taste. Ryan Kerrigan from Indiana and Eric Thomas from Ohio were mentioned as Michigan possibilities a while ago but are marginal prospects who may not get offers.
You Should Panic This Much: Little. Van Bergen's been tearing it up over the summer. With a couple of top-100 athletes in the previous class and a multitude of Biggs types available, Michigan is probably done unless a pass-rushing Carlos Brown falls into their laps.
Needs Going In: Like quarterback, Michigan has numbers over the past two classes but is short on high end prospects. Two of the aforementioned defensive ends will end up at tackle, probably Ferrara and Banks. As recruits neither was pursued heavily by high end schools; the gurus rated them regarded them as just another guy.
Commitments To Date: None.
Potential Commitments: With Joseph Barksdale and Josh Brent probably headed elsewhere the top name on Michigan's board is Louisiana's Rolando Melancon. Instate defensive/offensive tackle Ryan Wheat could get an offer sometime during his senior year; if he gets one he's likely to commit immediately.
You Should Panic This Much: Quite a bit. The only player who's favoring Michigan at the moment is Melancon and Louisiana prospects have a tendency to zig-zag dramatically. The last class is devoid of potential difference-makers and this one will probably be too.
Needs Going In: Depends on how many linebackers Michigan actually got last year. Quintin Patilla, Obi Ezeh, and Cobrani Mixon are all definites. Brandon Graham now seems like a defensive lineman. Nominal safety Jonas Mouton could go either way. In any case, Patilla and Ezeh were both lightly regarded by recruiting services and
Commitments To Date: Depends on how you view Jerimy Finch. Is he a safety? Is he a linebacker? He's filed under safety here.
Potential Commitments: There aren't any names I can give you aside from Lorenzo Edwards, a safety from Orlando Edgewater (freshman WR Greg Mathews' high school) who plans an official visit in the fall. Michigan is pursuing a couple of Tennessee linebackers likely to remain in the SEC and a couple of guys from New Jersey who seem only vaguely interested.
You Should Panic This Much: Somewhat. Michigan needs one or two linebackers this year and will probably end up offering someone obscure during the fall to make up their numbers.
Needs Going In: Pick an excessively dramatic noun and double it. Jai Eugene's inconvenient decommit late in the process left Michigan without a cornerback last year; the year before that they picked up two California sleepers and fast but molecule-tiny Brandon Harrison. Three commits are probable and if there's a fourth player who wants to commit Michigan will probably take him.
Commitments To Date: Michigan legacy Troy Woolfolk, Butch's son, was offered and committed at Michigan camp. He's a three star to everyone; ESPN likes him least of any of Michigan's ten commitments.
Potential Commitments: Two instate badasses have been presumed Michigan's to lose for about a year now: everyone's five star Ronald Johnson and everyone's near five-star Dionte Allen. That would be reassuring if Michigan hadn't just lost Allen to Florida State. Johnson remains interested. Highly regarded Californian Michael Williams has been down to Michigan and Notre Dame for a while now. Both are top-100 players.
You Should Panic This Much: Allen's FSU commitment removes Michigan's margin for error. Insiders are confident on both Johnson and Williams but were also making assurances that Allen would end up at Michigan right up until he committed to FSU. As long as Johnson continues looking good things will be all right, but you should be spooked.
Needs Going In: Moderate. Michigan picked up two top-100 players a year ago in Steve Brown and Jonas Mouton but was skunked the year before and needs some depth, especially since Brandon Harrison has returned to corner. Mouton is also a candidate to end up at linebacker.
Commitments To Date: Indiana's top two players, Jerimy Finch and Artis Chambers both commited a couple months into the recruiting year. Finch is well-liked by Scout and ESPN, featuring on their top-100 lists. Rivals, apparently deprived of film, said "meh" in their initial rankings but will move him up when they re-rank.
Potential Commitments: Michigan has offers out to Ohio's Eugene Clifford and California's Malachi Lewis but isn't expected to land either. Clifford seems earmarked for OSU; Lewis is being pursued by a ton of west coast teams.
You Should Panic This Much: You might privately express concern about depth in the future, but Michigan has stockpiled a lot of talent across two classes.
Michigan finds itself in a precarious position. Much like quarterback, Michigan doesn't need numbers at defensive tackle but could very much use a star. They probably won't get one with Brent and Barksdale looking to go elsewhere. They need numbers and talent at corner after two consecutive years of striking out on big names. All the right things are being said by and about Ronald Johnson but if he, like Allen, were to decide on another school Michigan would be staring at an unmitigated disaster on the defensive side of the ball.
Finch is an excellent player and the buzz on Van Bergen is growing, but Michigan has no linebacker prospects, only one defensive tackle who seems like a candidate to commit, and is living on the edge at cornerback.
Right-now grade: C+. Ron Johnson officially committing would bump that up to a solid B.
Football will continue in Evanston after Randy Walker's shocking midsummer death but wins and losses will be beside the point. That's probably a good thing for Pat Fitzgerald, thrust into the head coach spotlight at only 31 without four-year starter Brett Basanez or much hope on the other side of the ball. Northwestern will enter the year without the two men who came to symbolize the program over the past four years, adrift and looking for purchase on the harsh terrain of a Big Ten schedule without Minnesota or Indiana. The defense also lost a star contributor in painful fashion when defensive end Loren Howard was injured on the eve of last season. He decided to redshirt and bolt to Northwestern's Pac-10 doppleganger, Arizona State. Left in his wake is the usual array of pedestrian linemen and overachieving linebackers, though the defensive backs resemble helpless kittens far less than usual.
The outlook is grim, especially when you consider Northwestern's outlying turnover ratio: they were +9 despite having a terrible defense because said defense managed 30 takeaways, including 20 interceptions. That is well into the land of flukes. With a mewling babe replacing ancient Brett Basanez, Northwestern's turnovers figure to shoot up. Probability and common sense declare that their takeaways will travel in the reverse direction. Presto: likely two-game swing to the bad.
This is all terribly unfortunate for one of college football's most likeable programs. Northwestern churns out a steady supply of moxie-filled quarterbacks, glass-eating linebackers, and dramatic instant classics full of last-second twists M. Night Shyamalan would dismiss as implausible. But the facts are the facts, cruel as they may be; one can only hope that this year is the opening act in a tale of redemption that culminates in the two years Northwestern is off Michigan's schedule.
Last Year: A machine led by Basanez with plenty of help from Sutton, Herbert, Strief, et al. Talented and forced to get every point available from first play to last by the nation's worst defense, Northwestern churned through its opponents to the tune of 500 yards per game, finishing 26th nationally in rushing and 7th in passing.
Rating: 1. The only thing anyone knows about Northwestern's starting quarterback is that he isn't Brett Basanez. Sophomore CJ Bacher and his six career completions are projected to start, and this concludes the Bacher scouting report. I've scoured the Internets for any information on him and every preview -- every preview -- says "Bacher is in competition with Andrew Brewer and Mike Kafka." Some venture to guess he will start, probably because Kafka keeps turning into a beetle. None deigns to speculate on his strengths aside from CFN's usual "this stud has incredible accuracy and blazing speed but is still searching for consistency. If he finds it he could be nasty."
So. Bacher was a three star recruit a couple years ago with offers from an array of Mountain West and WAC schools plus Arizona, Oregon State, and Northwestern. He committed to the Beavers, visited Northwestern, and switched. Though he was listed as a dual-threat QB by Rivals he ran for a mere 170 yards as a junior (senior rushing stats were not mentioned). Over the last two years of his high school career he completed 64% of his passes for over 3,000 yards. The always excessively positive scouting reports mention an extremely accurate arm and "improved decision-making," which is a backhanded compliment at best.
The projection? Bacher's going to get an opportunity to live up to that dual-threat designation. Northwestern ran the zone read years before Vince Young made it cool and if you remember the early days of Basanez back when the horseless carriage was new, he was more likely to grit out a first down by absorbing a punishing blow from a linebacker than by actually completing a pass. With Tyrell Sutton in the backfield, one experienced wide receiver, and a veteran offensive line all signs point to a rush heavy version of Northwestern's spread chameleon in '06. If Bacher's arm is as accurate is reputed he'll get the opportunity to toss a lot of short throws to possession receiver Sean Herbert and Sutton, but Northwestern is going to revert from hoping their quarterback wins games to hoping he doesn't lose them.
Pint-sized Tyrell Sutton's first collegiate season was a hit. Reminiscent of fellow miniature powerhouses Mike Hart and Brian Calhoun, Sutton's quick cuts, excellent vision, and surprising power after contact were good for 1474 yards at 5.9 per carry and freshman All America teams far and wide. His 44 catches out of the backfield were vital icing in Northwestern's offense of a thousand papercuts. Lest you believe that Sutton's numbers were a mirage of cheap yards against terrible defenses, he picked up 112 against Penn State and 93 versus Ohio State (on only 14 carries!). Sutton is poised to be a thorn in Big Ten sides for the next three years.
However, without Basanez's arm keeping safeties honest Sutton may find the sledding significantly tougher as a sophomore. If we make the safe assumption that whoever the starting quarterback is can't approach Basanez's efficiency and command of the offense, the only way to keep that eighth man from finding his way into the box will be to establish someone, likely Kim Thompson, as a deep danger. That requires not one but two untested players to step up -- unlikely. All eyes will be on Sutton* in '06.
He'll have more backup this year as Brandon Roberson and Terrell Jordan both return from injuries. They'll share the load, but this is Sutton's show.
*(As long as he's not standing behind anyone bigger than him, e.g. a six year old girl.)
Wide Receivers & Tight Ends
Rating: 3. Northwestern returns Sean Herbert, their leading receiver a year ago with 79 catches, but loses Mark Philmore and Jonathan Fields, who combined for 115 catches of their own. The departees should be relatively replaceable: combined they averaged barely over ten yards a catch and were summarily ignored by the NFL. While Herbert is likely to meet the same fate upon graduation ( he wasn't much of a deep threat either with just 862 yards on his 79 catches) he is a reliable cog in the offense and a player many teams could use.
Kim Thompson, suspended for academics before the Sun Bowl, is eligible once more and will no doubt be referred to as the "X factor" by dozens of analysts, color commentators, and pundits by the time the season ends. His 19 catches a year ago came with 326 yards and he was one of many to burn the Wisconsin secondary, catching a 53 yard touchdown in a wild 51-48 Wildcat win. Thompson has speed few Northwestern skill players do and could, given the right confluence of circumstances, emerge into a feared weapon.
Rasheed Ward and Ross Lane will platoon at the third wideout spot. Lane was mostly quiet a year ago before torching UCLA for seven catches and 136 yards; Ward had seven catches in the first three games and zero the remainder of the season.
Rating: 3. Despite the departure of longtime right tackle Zach Strief, Northwestern returns five starters of a sort. Center Trevor Rees, the starter in '03 and '04, has resolved the academic issues that kept him out last year. That allows poor, poor Austin Matthews, he of the four-second half holding penalties versus Gabe Watson, to move out to Strief's old spot where he will be given the opportunity to hold the various defensive ends of the Big Ten.
Matthews' presence in the starting lineup sounds a note of concern. He was bewildered and overmatched most of last year, losing his starting spot partway through the season before reclaiming it for the Sun Bowl. The offseason losses of Thomas Bemenderfer (transfer) and Tyler Compton (academics*) stripped the staff of options; now Matthews is going to try a switch similar to the one that Rueben Riley did and Michigan fans feared. This does is not likely to work out well.
The rest of the line is experienced and competent. There's no star to build around and they'll have to do a lot more run-blocking, but survey says they will be decent.
*(Northwestern's dedication to suspending the hell out of any athlete who so much as looks at a professor funny is the true mark of an academically rigorous program.)
Last Year: Typically repulsive: better than only Illinois against both run and pass in conference in total yardage terms and the worst in the entire country when the two are combined.
In reality, it probably wasn't quite as bad as all that. Northwestern's defensive numbers have long been depressed by their frenetic style of offense, which leads to more drives against. In terms of yards per play Northwestern was a shiny tenth in conference, 0.4 better than Illinois. Their pass efficiency defense, fifth in conference, was downright average. They probably weren't the worst defense in the country.
So they've got that going for them.
Rating: 1. Starting tackles Barry Coefield, second-team All Big Ten a year ago, and Trevor Schultz are gone, leaving little in their wake. Sophomore John Gill got seven starts a year ago -- Schultz was in and out of the lineup with injury and academic issues -- but he's the only player with anything more than spot plays. Redshirt freshman Adam Hahn has leapt into a starting spot. Defensive coordinator Greg Colby is frank about his expectations:
"We feel like we have to do more of that (play a 3-4) simply because it's hard for anybody to find those Loren Howards out there that can pass rush on the edge," said Colby. "But we can find a lot of those 6-2, 6-3, 250 pounders that are kind of 'tweeners,' between linebacker and (defensive) end. It's easier for us to find those kids.
"We don't enough (ends) to play 3-4 exclusively and we don't have enough linemen to play 4-3 exclusively, so we're going to play them both next year."
(And it's a punch in the guy when you do find those Loren Howards, but they decide to screw off to Arizona State for their senior seasons.) It's fairly easy to read between the lines of this quote: "we don't have anybody and will attempt to confuse opponents into thinking otherwise." Linebacker Nick Roach has said that the 3-4 will be a situation defense employed exclusively on passing downs in an effort to get a pass rush.
Sophomore end Kevin Mims was pretty bad last year, but as a true freshman he has an excuse. Junior David Ngene, who was clearly not as good as Mims despite being a year older, steps into the starting lineup with 12 tackles from last year. The Colby quote above indicates that he isn't expecting either Mims or fellow starter to provide much in the way of disruption; Mims might improve on his two sacks as a freshman but Northwestern's pass rush is going to have to come from a creative array of blitzes.
This is probably going to be the worst defensive line in the conference other than Indiana.
Rating: 3. Far down the list of Northwestern's offseason losses is "Best Nickname in College Football," which belonged to middle linebacker Tim "Angry Irishman" McGarigle. Northwestern will probably feel the loss of McGarigle's 548 career tackles -- the all-time NCAA record -- more keenly.
Northwestern does return starters Nick Roach and Adam Kadela; the pair were functional a year ago but at least partially to blame for Northwestern's ugly run defense. With only seven TFLs and two sacks between them, the stats paint a picture of a lot of tackles eight yards downfield. A mitigating factor: Roach broke his tailbone in the Iowa game and played through the pain for the last portion of the season.
Senior Demetrius Eaton steps into a starting spot on the outside (Kadela moves inside to replace McGarigle), but at 250 pounds he joins a remarkably uniform group: both other starters are 245. No one is particularly athletic -- giant fast guys generally attend places best described as "not Northwestern" -- and if they find themselves out of position they will not get back. The linebackers will be solid up the middle but vulnerable to play action, misdirection, and plain old outside running.
Cole with the tackle.
Long Northwestern's glaring weakness, it would be folly to expect sudden improvement from this unit but for the first time in a long time there is something resembling a flicker of hope. Senior cornerback Marquice Cole was actually kind of all right last year, though his second-team All Big Ten award came from the media and is largely attributable to his shiny 5 in the interception column. Cole is limited by his size, generously listed as 5'10", but is incredibly fast and more than capable of covering smaller wide receivers man-to-man. He's the closest thing to a good corner Northwestern's had... well... ever. He could get drafted(!)
The catch is that opposite Cole is a giant question mark and question marks, lacking arms, are distinctly poor in coverage. Junior Deante Battle was coming along nicely until being hit with an academic suspension before the Sun Bowl. His status for the upcoming season is still in question. The other options, senior Cory Dious "Mio" and sophomore Eric Peterson, do not inspire confidence. Peterson was a wide receiver until spring practice; now he is the leading candidate to start at corner. As frequent readers will no doubt recall, position-switcher-to-potential-starter is a primary MGoBlog panic heuristic. Wildcat fans should be holding prayer vigils for Battle.
[Update: Battle is eligible; rating bumped up to 3.]
Senior strong safety Bryan Heinz is the other solid player in the Wildcat secondary. He returned for the Sun Bowl after blowing out his knee right before the '05 season. With two years of starting experience under his belt and some mild regional buzz before his knee injury, he'll do his best to slow the horde of running backs and wide receivers threatening the endzone.
Brendan Smith and Reggie MacPherson are competing for the other safety spot. Both started four games a year ago, but Smith, a freshman, would have started more but for a midseason injury. Both will play; Smith will play more.
Kickers & Coverage
Rating: 1. You may remember kicker Joel Howells from disasters like "Missing two extra points, having a field goal blocked, and two onside kicks so incompetent that the same guy returned them for touchdowns against UCLA" and "going 11 for 21 despite attempting only short field goals." He's not good. He's better than Brian Huffman, who singlehandedly sabotaged the '04 TCU game, but that's not much of an accomplishment.
Punter Ryan Pederson was no better. Despite averaging under 40 gross yards per kick, he (and
the coverage units) allowed teams to average eight yards a return. Northwestern was 103rd in net punting.
Non-Conference: Soft but not terrible. New Hampshire is a good I-AA team but still a I-AA team; Eastern Michigan would probably be a bad I-AA team. Two weird road games will pose challenges: Nevada and a team Blue Ribbon describes as "MAC power Ohio," by which they mean "MAC Power Miami(Ohio)."
Miami-Northwestern might not seem like must-see TV, but Walker attended then coached there before arriving in Evanston. As the season opener for both teams it'll no doubt be Randy Walker's unofficial testimonial game and quite moving despite ESPN's best efforts to ruin it.
Conference: Ugly. Off the schedule are Indiana and Minnesota. The road slate, well...
- @ Penn State
- @ Wisconsin
- @ Michigan
- @ Iowa
Adding injury to throbbing, pulsating injury: the first two and last two games are back-to-back.
We're Sure About
Sutton. He's good and, like Javon Ringer, has found an offense perfectly suited to his talents.
The Defensive Line. Will be terrible.
We Have An Idea About
The Offensive Line. By now they've established themselves for what they are: all right, but nothing more. The situation at right tackle gives this unit some bust potential, though.
The Secondary. They could be all right, but first they'll have to find a corner other than Cole.
We Have No Clue About
The Quarterbacks. Ciphers all! Whoever gets the start will no doubt be the proverbial heady winner who makes the most of his ability despite physical limitations, but he's not going to be first team All Big Ten.
An Embarrassing Prediction, No Doubt
There isn't much upside in this team without giving the Wildcats quarterback, whoever he is, way more credit than is reasonable. Sure, Bacher or whoever could be fantastic out of the gate, but realistically this is going to be a season to watch and learn. 5-7.
The quarterback situation degenerates into farce, leaving Sutton staring down eight- and nine-man fronts the bulk of the year. The defense performs like one expects a Northwestern defense to perform. At some point, they throw the towel in. 3-9.
The defense should improve statistically -- it would be hard not to -- but probably not meaningfully. There's no one to rush the passer and blitzing leaves whoever isn't Marquice Cole on an island with a big neon sign that reads "toast." The rush defense was ugly despite the presence of three veterans right up the middle; now those veterans are gone. The linebackers should be serviceable but there won't be much contribution from the line.
The offense will drop off some without Basanez. He was quietly outstanding a year ago, one of the more underrated players in the country, and there's no replacing his experience. Tyrell Sutton and a veteran offensive line should keep the Wildcats competitive, but it will be a rough year for a program that deserves better.
Wins: EMU, New Hampshire
Probable Wins: Illinois
Tossups: @ Miami(OH), Purdue, @ Nevada
Probable Losses: @ Wisconsin, @ Penn State, MSU
No Chance: @ Iowa, @ Michigan, Ohio State
It looks like 4-8.
Harrison, of course, was the Michigan defensive lineman who made a habit of strolling around Ann Arbor masturbating in front of alarmed coeds. When caught by police he was booted from the team and transferred to I-AA North Carolina A&T. (It's unclear whether Harrison had the option of remaining a Michigan student or not.) His year was as uneventful as possible for a famous for masturbating. He started on the defensive line, made 39 tackles, and kept his pants in an upright and locked position at all times as the wheels of justice ground slowly towards him.
Harrison was convicted in December and dismissed by A&T pending a standard review of his case. Eventually the school, working with the Michigan legal system, agreed to re-admit him so he could continue with the rest of his life. Six days ago, The Greensboro News-Record, a classy newspaper way more responsible than crazy bloggers, slapped this headline across their front page six days ago:
Sex felon returns to N.C. A&T
Two days ago the editor put up a blog post defending their decision to continue their series on Harrison (one of the letters mentions this is the second front page story on Harrison within a week) with the following rationale:
- "The young man has had a high profile for a year." Just a thought: maybe this is because the Greensboro News-Record keeps putting him on the front page.
- "Last week, we learned the university had readmitted him and he was going to play football again. Then, once we asked about his status, the acting chancellor got involved and determined that Harrison would not be play football." The News-Record must have a very large front page if it covers every A&T student who doesn't play football -- and thanks to their diligent pursuit of the truth Harrison has joined their ranks and can no longer do the one thing he knows he's exceptional at. No doubt that will straighten his life out. Hey, it worked for Maurice Clarett.
- And, of course, the News-Record has to save the children: "* Most important, a convicted sex offender is going to attend a state university alongside many students who are going to be away from home and unchaperoned for the first time. We believe that is important information for the A&T community to know. (As a parent of a college-age student, I find that information relevant.)" Because this "high profile" young man is a complete unknown to the A&T community. No doubt everyone plum forgot after the last front-page article.
- ...but not the Duke children: "Quick add: I should emphasize that it makes a difference that A&T is a state institution. It has, in my mind, responsibilities to taxpayers and citizens that private schools don't necessarily have."
All you need to know about the legitimacy of these articles is contained in the last pathetic bullet. "N.C. A&T is a public school" is not a reason for or against informing your readership of the re-admission of a sex offender, dangerous or no. The straws strain from the various clutchings going on.
Yesterday the AP published a completely quote-free story on the university's reaction to the manufactured scandal:
Officials of North Carolina A&T State University say they want to know more about how a former University of Michigan football player was allowed back into school after being convicted of a felony sex offense.
Shirley B. Frye, special assistant to interim Chancellor Lloyd V. Hackley, plans a trip to Michigan this week to review documents in the case of Larry Tarone Harrison Jr., university spokeswoman Mable Scott said Tuesday.
Harrison's status as a college student is in danger of being revoked once more.
I have no wish to defend Harrison's actions. I have always held that no one should be forced to watch a 300-pound defensive lineman masturbate.* No doubt the women he approached were scared out of their minds -- if a three-hundred-pound man approached me with his poxy mast rigged and ready for sail I would be frightened, too -- but the only person Harrison touched was himself. At its heart this story is about Harrison doing something weird and frightening, but not evil. It's his misfortune that his particular weirdness is a hanging curve for a horde of loud, twitchy people.
Despite harming no one, Harrison has lost any opportunity to make a living in football and is on the verge of being run out of college entirely. He's is clearly in need of counseling or (helpful prescription) drugs or psychiatry but, in a word, this is insane. Sure, he's a "sex felon," but to paste that into a splashy I-A headline is irresponsible. It conjures images of violent sexual assault; the only reason it's not libel is that it's technically true. The only reason that provocative headline was on the front page was to sell papers, whether or not the N-R will admit that, and that's despicable. But we do what we must for circulation numbers.
If Harrison was a Dungeons & Dragons aficionado instead of a defensive lineman, this story would have elicited mild titters when he was caught and then faded away. Harrison would have dealt with the justice system, transferred somewhere, and not been the focus of stories on the front pages of totally classy newspapers. Well, Greensboro News-Record: Harrison's not a football player any more. He's just a guy who may or may not like Dungeons & Dragons, so you can ignore him like the rest of the area sex offenders.
And kids, please: Don't be Harrison or Mike Cooper. Masturbate in the comfort and privacy of your home.
*(That sentence is a candidate to go on my gravestone.)
Yes, kids, this happened:
After an illegal U-turn, Clarett led police on an OJ-like chase from one Columbus suburb to another and then back before the cops managed to spike-strip his car. Clarett was drunk, wearing a bullet-proof vest, and in possession of four loaded firearms and a hatchet. The DJL Zone was there!
This is part funny -- a superfluous hatchet is funny in any circumstance -- but mostly tired and sad. Clarett is clearly even more deranged than the average player who chooses Ohio State and in need of (helpful prescription) drugs or psychiatry or both.
Question: what in the hell is Clarett still doing in Columbus? The entire city hates him after his sordid journey and revelations to ESPN (good job following up on those bad boys, NCAA!). He'd be better off literally anywhere else. Two-second pop pyschology: Clarett desperately needs any kind of attention, even raw hatred, and Columbus is the place he's most likely to get it. Hopefully prison treats Clarett better than life -- it can't be any worse.
Side note: Watching "American Dragon: Jake Long" right now. Jake speaks in a weird kid-ified Snoop shizzle speak. He's currently fighting an infestation of wedding-ruining gremlins by dancing something called the "hubba-hubba hula." It's working! GO JAKE LONG. Now he's rapping. CEASE AND DESIST.
Memorize this phone number:
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get hammered at some point during the season, call it, and leave a profane message directed at the college football antagonist of your choice.
Not dead yet: Antonio Bass. Sam Webb -- a GBW writer I have no problems with, for the record -- has an article on the star-crossed wideout's status. Money graf:
"I'm having a basic knee test just to check my whole knee...to check out everything to see if everything is going right and if everything is going as good as it possibly can," Bass explained. "That's all it really is. It's like the whole knee procedure. It's like a checkup. I'm not concerned at all. I'll be back next year and I'll be back better than ever."
The "basic knee test" Bass refers to was the source of much consternation when Carr referred to it as a make-or-break examination that would determine Bass' fate. We won't really know if he's going to return to full health until he steps on the field next year but at this point it sounds like he'll be given the opportunity to do so.
Also not dead yet: Anthony Thomas. The former rookie of the year has found something of a home in Buffalo:
There's one running back on the [Bills] roster who I fully expect to eat into McGahee's workload. Former two-time 1,000-yard rusher Anthony Thomas had his best seasons in Chicago under Dick Jauron and appears set to become a factor on the field once again after two lost seasons. He looked quicker than I've seen him since his days with the Michigan Wolverines and hit the corner on sweeps with power and authority, even seeking out contact downfield.
... There's some speculation that Jauron will give his former No. 1 back a shot to become a goal-line vulture.
Rivals has re-ranked their 2007 basketball 150. Alex Legion moves down to #38 but Manny Harris moves up to #36. Kelvin Grady is still not listed, which is not a surprise.
Etc.: Jim Carty on Kolodziej; Vijay digs up video from... 1903(!); Ohio State tight end Marcel Frost -- the projected starter -- has been suspended for the entire season. Reason given: "violating team rules."