Seeing someone wearing an OSU sweatshirt in the library is already an alarming experience akin to seeing an Amish elder in an arcade. You cannot use any of the objects in this building, so why are you here?
- To play Oregon Trail.
- To check out the free movies.
- To head to the kiddie section, pull up some porn, and yank it.
If you chose Door Number C, you are a very, very sick person. You're also absolutely correct:
It's official: I am worried that Flip Saunders is a regular season mirage and he is INFECTING the Pistons with his postseason MALAISE. (Awesome SYSTEM used for EMPHASIS a direct result of Chris RIX making me into a CHAMPION.) Why no the shooty straight? Why all the contested jumpers? Ach.
Update 5/24: Added MI OL Mike VanDerBergen, who has a profile with Michigan leading but still is without an offer -- looks like a make-or-break camp for him -- and OH S Diaunte Morrow. Moved Jerimy Finch to committed (sort of). Linked to article on OH CB Jordan Mabin -- much hype for a guy with only one real offer thus far. Linked to an article on CO WR Drew Davis and some Helmuth track exploits and Marshall Jones profile from Scout.
Editorial Opinion: Many people now have offers who I know nothing about. Marshall Jones, a big-shot safety recruit from Clausenville, previously mentioned a top three of USC, Michigan, and Tennessee but now seems like a safe bet to stay on the West Coast. There is a new, well-heeled suitor:
"I really like Oregon," said Jones, of Oaks Christian High School. "They offered a couple of months ago. I went up there for a visit with my teammate Mike Ebbit last month. The campus is really nice and their facilities are amazing. They're the nicest I've seen by far. The coaches are really cool. I've talked to Coach (Steve) Greatwood a few times and he said I have a good chance to play early there. I'm thinking about taking a couple more visits up there this summer."
Jones now lists a top five of Oregon, USC, Arizona, Colorado, and Michigan. As for Michigan:
"I'm looking at Michigan too. I don't know a lot about the program. I've talked to Coach (Ron) English. He said he's coming out here soon. I haven't been to see the campus yet. I think I'm going to take a visit out there this summer.
Still in it if he visits, but this seems like those guys from Texas on NCAA 2006 that list Texas, Texas A&M, TCU, SMU, and Baylor. Distance, as they say, is a factor.
Colorado wide receiver Drew Davis was very, very interested in Michigan at some point in the middle of his junior year when the sites had a couple articles about him, but Michigan hasn't come through with an offer yet and thus the interest has scaled back. Davis put on an impressive show at some combine or another and was deluged with Pac-10 and Big 12 offers as a result, but appears to be waiting it out:
"I have not really gotten that 'big school' offer I am waiting for," Davis said to Scout.com's Andrew Friedman. "I am looking forward to a USC or Michigan-type offer. Both those schools have told me that they don't like offering guys this early because usually when they offer this early, the kids will commit, and they need to make sure they are offering the right players. I totally understand that so I am being patient."
DE signee Greg Banks was a teammate of Davis.
When FB commit Vince Helmuth says "I trust him as far as I can throw him," he means it as a compliment:
Saline won four events at the River Rat meet, the discus, shot put, and the 400- and 800-meter relays. Vince Helmuth took first in the shot with a heave of 54-11, while the Hornet junior claimed first in the discus with a throw of 182-0.
Returning to the vast, information-laden plains of the Internet after a significant time off is always a terrifying experience, especially when Bloglines shows you posts in the mid-four digits. As such, I am awash in a sea of virtual paper, attempting to figure out just what the hell happened over the last five days, ruthlessly skimming things that deserve much more. I transcribe my attempts to figure out things below.
What did happen?
OMG Pistons. Check. Covered.
OMG Oilers. Up 2-0 and cruising against Anaheim. Edmonton's main drag is mass chaos; Northern Alberta declares martial law; girlfriend endorses playoff beard. Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
OMG Baseball. Won the Big Ten championship and by virtue of said feat will host the conference playoffs, which start tomorrow. Michigan faces the winner of Minnesota and Illinois at seven on Thursday... MGoBlog field trip?
OMG Softball. Jennie Ritter and company won their regional and now head to the super regional against Tennessee -- EDSBS would like to remind you that Phil Fulmer is very, very fat -- this weekend. Games are Saturday and Sunday at noon and one, respectively, on ESPN.
The softball field will be expanded from its current 1,300 seat base to a whopping 3,100 seats.
Will Michigan be the first school in the country with better average attendance at softball games than men's basketball? And would we get some sort of Title IX plaque commemorating such an achievement?
Just plain OMG. Further proving that no matter the topic, there is a sportswriter somewhere who will take an asinine stance for attention, Matt Hayes gets out his chide-stick and applies it to Michigan fans for being crabby about Carr; Winged Helmet's affiliated blog takes the chide-stick and batters old horseface with it. I'm not against Lloyd Carr, but I am against both ignorance and its earth-bound avatar Matt Hayes.
Not OMG At All. Someone at Michigan State was booted from the team for felony possession of a controlled substance. This time it's defensive back Cole Corey.
OMG Box. Hur hur hur.
Er. The regents approved Bill Martin's diabolical plan to
slaughter an orphanage renovate Michigan stadium. Noted man-who-hypnotizes-newspapers John Pollack: displeased. Joey: ready to defecate down the esophagus of Pollack's beheaded corpse.
4/22/06 - Detroit 79-61 Cleveland - Lebron gone fishin'
Certain circles I run in have a strictly anthropological interest in sports. Confronted by a person who is seemingly insane about an objectively meaningless enterprise, they regard it a mystery to be solved. You do not seem like a mindless bread and circus type, Brian, so why are you dragging us into tres un-chic NYC bars to stare at televisions every other day? Etc.
At some point when the outlook was grim indeed -- or at least as grim as a 3-2 deficit can be when the Pistons regard it as a 3-0 lead -- I stood on a New York rooftop and attempted to satisfy the above anthropological query.
brian% ask "why do you like pistons?"
retval "in spite of it all, they persevere."
If you leave aside the obvious millionaires-in-Auburn-Hills bit, it would be hard to put together a basketball team that was more emblematic of the things about Detroit that are admirable, things that are more akin to bloody-minded survival than elegantly presented cuisine. Everyone from Ben on down to Antonio "I'm on my sixth set of knees" McDyess has taken lemons, punched them in the face, and demanded money. Detroit's a team that leads with its jaw and stays standing. They have all the pretention of an abandoned building. They make you feel like you're from Detroit even if you're not really, as my anthropologically-inclined friend reminded me, and they make that feel noble. So it's not much of a surprise that in my bi-daily sojourns to the various television-bearing bars of Manhattan, Detroit fans out-repped Cleveland 10 to 1.
And it's not much of a surprise that when it was finally apparent that the 2006 Flip Pistons were going home, Detroit showed the savior a fistful of nails.
- In retrospect, Cleveland made a fatal mistake by taking that 3-2 lead, but it didn't feel like that at all during the game, especially because Lebron fouled out with 6:38 left to go... at least in my personal universe. When the only part of Lebron that makes contact with Lindsey Hunter is his off-arm currently clearing out space for a shot, that is not a blocking foul. You cannot block someone's arm. Then the Chauncey thing severely dangered blood vessels all over the metro area and in certain New York bars.
- I continue to insist that Tayshaun Prince is one of the most underrated players in the league. He was probably the best player the Pistons had over the course of the series; in game seven he was killing the Cavs everywhere he went. Flip Murray couldn't check toast and got abused; Lebron ate a few layups, and whatever Prince missed he rebounded. Carmelo? Whatever.
- As pledged during game seven, Lindsey Hunter will be on the receiving end of 50% less shit in this space until he retires. Especially because of this:
The Pistons also got a big boost in Games 6 and 7 from 13-year veteran Lindsey Hunter, whose 5-year-old son, Caleb, was imitating one of Kobe Bryant's moves in the locker room after the game as his dad finished getting dressed.
"Kobe's not playing anymore, Caleb. He's watching," Hunter said. "But your favorite player is still playing, D-Wade, and we're going to beat him."
...but not like Suck, I promise. I will be in New York until Monday. I may post something if there is some downtime and something urgent appears, but I wouldn't count on it if I were you.
5/16/2006 - Pistons 72-74 Cavaliers - Series tied 2-2
...it's almost enough to make you feel sorry for the Cavs who aren't fools who antagonize Rasheed Wallace (Anderson Varejo, Zydrunas Ilgauskas), Nike's anointed (LeBron), or Damon Jones (Damon Jones). Can these really be playoff games? Second-round playoff games?
Note to self: shut the hell up, all right? No doubt overhearing your hubris-laden assertions about the first two games of the series, the Cavs not only showed up but won the second two in Cleveland, leaving us with a competitive series. Here's a brooch. You know what to do.
That taken care of, what the hell is happening? Some assertions:
- Defense does not seem to be the problem. There are times when not enough attention is paid to Lebron and he swoops in for one of those triple-clutch HYYYAARRRR layups; there are others when too much is and one of the Cavs I-stand-in-the-corner-and-shoot guys stands in the corner and shoots. But in their two victories Cleveland has acquired 84 and 77 points. Even though the game has slowed down to a crawl reminiscent of Larry Brown, that's should still be translating into double-digit wins for the Pistons.
- ... so it's the offense, then, and the problems there are multifaceted. One is just bad luck: having used up all their three-pointers in game one, the bitch goddess Independent Trials has returned with a vengance. Yes, the Cavalier defense has improved, but not enough to force the Pistons into shooting 33% from the floor and 27% from three. I blame Lindsey Hunter using up all mojo in a five-state radius with his four straight threes in game one. That grabbed the attention of powers greater than ourselves, and lo, they are wroth.
- Usually the Pistons attack whatever matchup seems to be yielding the best results, but that was not the case in Cleveland, particularly in game four, as they repeatedly posted Tayshawn Prince up against Lebron James with limited success. Generally Prince in the post is a money play as most small forwards in the league are too small to bother Prince's shot. But... uh... Lebron James is not most small forwards, being both bigger and stronger than Prince. The only mismatch there is if Lebron is having a superstar moment or six, but as noted above, apparently these are playoff games. The same thing applies to dumping the ball down to an obviously injured Rasheed Wallace in the post against somone like Ilgauskas who has the length to bother 'Sheed. Hampered by his ankle, a Rasheed post up was generally a contested fallaway.
- For god's sake, when Cleveland is switching every screen please attempt to take advantage of it.
What now? Well, Detroit played well for two games and Cleveland played poorly: giant hubris-causing blowouts. Detroit played like poo for two games and Cleveland played well: narrow Cleveland victories. The equilibrium in this series appears to be about Pistons +8. Switching on all screens is a bit of a gimmick that had the Pistons confused, but -- much like the Lebron semi-zone -- will be less effective the longer it is employed. Two games of three are at home. The chances that Cleveland actually wins this series are still remote, but they are extant now. I accept the blame.
Now go unto them, Pistons, and unleash your righteousness upon the infidels.