I thought that myself when I read that article that talked about a Data Scientist(tm)
Orson Swindle: The BHGP post was completely in jest
Though, as always, that's an impressive shotgunning there.
i considered that, i really did
Orson Swindle: They're completely f***ing around.
Brian: aw f***
are you sure?
Orson Swindle: Pretty sure.
But their response could be worth waiting for.
Brian: aw, goddammit
I, uh, well... yeah. Hawkeye State emailed me something one line and to the effect of "you knew I was joking, right?"
Aw... goddammit. I didn't, actually, except for the Ayatollah bit. I did consider it, as mentioned in the header, but eventually fell on the side of "real" because everything else I have seen multiple times on various blogs and message boards. Even though everything in it was really stupid it seemed plausible. I should have known better, as rampant stupidity is most certainly not a part of BHGP's usual repertoire.
I am the stupidest.
The latest on the fatwa. Rodriguez's agent has some responses:
The report has "a lot of misinformation and untruthful statements," Brown said.
Brown denied Rodriguez kept a personal file on each player and that a strength coordinator took photos of them. Every time players were tested, he added, "those records were given to the head coach and every assistant coach."
That means current head coach Bill Stewart should have copies.
"Regarding the class attendance records, I sure hope that West Virginia's compliance and academic office keeps those records because if they don't, they have serious institutional control problems," he said.
Brown said the university also should have any records involving the finances of the summer camps it ran.
He declined to answer questions about whether Rodriguez removed or destroyed documents.
Another quote, this one from an AANews article (all the articles about his agent's press conference or whatever have slightly different versions of the quotes, but no one has provided the entire thing verbatim -- frustrating):
"As any employee leaving a job, he's going to throw stuff in the trash," Brown said. "Personal information, personal letters from other coaches, his own game plans. Things like that he wanted to throw away, and at the same time didn't need to be found in the dumpster."
A dossier of the things Rodriguez is accused of shredding and their status:
|Contact info||No mention||Ludicrous. Look them up in the U directory. Or join Facebook.||N/A|
|Scholarship money awarded||No mention.||Even more ludicrous. WVU has no records of scholarship money distributed to their players save those on hardcopy in Rich Rodriguez's office?||N/A|
|Class attendance records||Sarcastic mention of compliance issues.||Similarly ludicrous. Unless Rodriguez and Rodriguez alone checked in on class attendance, someone else has these records, and if they don't the NCAA should pay WVU a nasty visit.||N/A|
|Personal conduct & community service||Refuted.||Not completely ludicrous, but it's still pretty doubtful that Rodriguez has the only copies of various things the players did, good or bad. Brown:
"Rich never kept any players' personal files," Brown said, adding that the computers in the coach's office and at a secretary's desk at the Puskar Center kept many of the same files.
|Would be sketchy, if Rodriguez knew he had the only copies.|
|Summer Camp financials||Refuted.||Right, Rodriguez has an apache box with Drupal on it and runs an online store that completely covers his summer camp financials. Ludicrous.||N/A|
|Booster data||No mention.||Right, WVU has no records of who gave the AD money. Ken Kendrick has to buy endzone tickets.||N/A|
|S&C files||Said that all assistants got copies and Stewart should have them.||A plausible thing for only Barwis to have the nitty-gritty details of; directly contradicted by Brown, who also denied any pictures, sexy or otherwise, were taken.||If the agent's version of the story is true Rodriguez was well within the bounds of reason to shred his copies.|
|Recruiting info||No mention||Totally plausible.||Possibly sketchy.|
This is a tempest in a teapot at worst. Of the recruits who decommited from WVU, one (Josh Jenkins) is visiting WVU, so they must have figured out his phone number again, and two (Taylor Hill and DJ Woods) are likely going to sign with Rodriguez and weren't going to go to WVU anyway without his presence.
MVictors got in touch with his local law-talking guy, who had this to say:
Coach Rod is certainly allowed to destroy his own personal stuff, but what exactly did he destroy and who owns it? From another related legal angle, there are intellectual property laws that come into play in the employment setting â€” i.e., whether the records he creates in connection with his employment are the property of his employer.
You might have had to sign an "inventions assignment" agreement (sometimes called a proprietary rights agreement) in your field, and many companies make that a standard part of their employee handbook and hiring practices.
More at MVictors; the upshot is skeptical.
Tick tock, you don't stop. A source indicates that WVU has been badgering the NCAA about potential violations committed by Rodriguez from the moment he accepted the Michigan job. Foremost among these is the infamous call to Terrelle Pryor before Rodriguez had been officially hired; there are supposedly like incidents. How WVU would ever prove Rodriguez said anything other than "Recruit X, I am going to be the head coach at Michigan," I don't know, but hell hath no fury like a West Fin' Jihadist.
Furthermore, WVU is attempting to insinuate to the NCAA that the shredded documents contained evidence of major violations committed by Rodriguez which the WVU athletic department of course knew nothing about. Yes, they are essentially saying "we have no idea whatsoever was on those documents, but we're pretty sure they were large huge big NCAA violations."
The comparison to end all comparisons. I may have to enter the blogger protection program after this, but... I swear to God this is exactly like that episode of "A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila." You know, the one in which the lovable but functionally retarded* West Virginian gets booted by the hot property, then proceeds to lose his shit in spectacular fashion, leaving everyone feeling dirty in the aftermath? You know, this one?
Yeah. This reminds me of that.
*(not meant to impugn the entire state, just the WVU athletic department.)
Update: Don't read this. Read this. I am full of fail.
Swearin! Keep the kids away!
I'm still trying to figure out whether or not this Black Heart, Gold Pants post is entirely in jest or not, because the options here are either 1) it's really poorly phrased satire or 2) it's epically dumb. Neither of these things are expected from BHGP, even if the guy writing the piece is the one who flung Hawaii in the top ten of BHGP's blogpoll ballot for most of the year. How did that work out? About as well as Jake Christensen oh snap.
I think I've settled on 2 with a side of 1 when it comes to the accusations of islamo-fascism. If there are any islamo-facists in this kerfuffle, they're the jihadists from Morgantown. So, then, I have been Called Out and it is time to Throw Down because when you Mess With The MGoBlog You Get The Virtual Horns.
Step to it. Fisk style.
For the record, we were cautiously terrified of Rich Rodriguez to Michigan. But we made that calculation back when we thought Rodriguez was a football coach and not, well, a sleazebag.
I'm sure there will be plenty of awesome reasons to back up this "sleazebag" assertion.
First, RichRod bolts out of Morgantown in the dead of night like the bastard stepson of Art Modell.
(All these links point to MGoBlog posts, btw.) Yes, in West Virginia "the dead of night" is somewhere between 7 and 9 PM. The entire state, wreathed in a deadly black cloud of coal dust, gets three hours of sunlight a day and generally resembles Mordor. The departure was so secretive that fatwa-bearing jihadists who, judging from their message board posts, take three hours to read a road sign were there to chant O-H-I-O at him and take blurry pictures to post at Fatwa Central.
This accusation boils down to "took the Michigan job... and decided to go to Michigan to do so."
Then RichRod goes on Jim Rome (yeah, I know) and slams Ryan Mallett because the kid had the audacity to consider transferring out of a system that relies on a running quarterback and is actively pursuing Terrelle Pryor.
This is the "slam" of Ryan Mallett contained within that post:
"I believe he's going to transfer," Rodriguez said. "He has not told me specifically and he's told other folks in the program. I talked to him a couple times, again, before the bowl game and once after the bowl game and gave him our spiel. But, again, if he chooses to leave, he's going to make a choice that's best for him, and we'll be OK."
"I talked to him and all the quarterbacks about how our system can adapt to the quarterback because we've had throwing quarterbacks in this system that have had great careers and gone on to the NFL and all that," Rodriguez said. "But I did it a couple times (with Mallett.) I recruited him once, I recruited him twice and after the third call, I'm thinking okay, three calls is enough for me. It's a great institution and if somebody doesn't want to be here that's already here, you wish them well and move on."
"He's going to make a choice that's best for him!" "If somebody doesn't want to be here that's already here, you wish him well and move on!" What an asshole!
Obviously something is seriously wrong with Iowa. If this qualifies as a "slam," Hawkeye State will keel over dead upon reading this post. We should probably just eject the state and all its testosterone-free girl-men into space, where they can suffocate like the prancing nancies they are.
Those moves really just make you a dick.
Indeed. Going to the place where you are employed and wishing a departing player well: total 100% dickitude.
But we aren't done; apparently, on his way out of Morgantown, RichRod did his best Arthur Andersen impersonation: [long excerpt from the WVU article highlighted yesterday excised]
This is specious to say the least. Recruiting and summer camp notes? Financial records? Booster rolls? Training schedules and results? The training notes are especially intriguing, given Michigan's new S&C coach and his love of "bioenergetics":
"The science of bioenergetics is the basis of our conditioning program. It's all designed scientifically to meet the end needs of an athlete who plays in a given position under Rich Rodriguez."
Sure thing, Victor Conte.
Bold words from a fan of a team that pumped Robert Gallery so full of testosterone you could shove him into Roger Clemens' ass. (They probably extracted it from the general public; this explains the fainting belles that comprise the rest of the state's purported male population.) And yes, it's "specious" if, in fact, the allegations are entirely true and not 90% made up by lunatic jihadists from the Black Lands. Which they so obviously are, you daiquiri-sipping pansy. Sure, there are no computers and no copies of these critical files. Sure, there's no backup system whatsoever. Sure, completely awesome head coach Bill Stewart who totally deserves the head coaching job has no idea how to "log up". Sure, all these ludicrously implausible things put forth by insane rednecks are obviously true.
While the rest of the football world gave a collective "Whawhawhaaaa?", MGoBlog,* not exactly a rock of journalistic integrity, spent most of the day on other Rich Rodriguez matters.
For the record, those links have between them 459 words of non-quote content, an average of 115 each. MGoBlog more than doubled that.
As for the shredding, Brian is curious but hardly worried:
Why would Rodriguez shred all this stuff?...Michigan fans: because he knew crazy WVU officials/FOIA-toting fans would go over the documents with a fine-toothed comb and attempt to nail him on every piddling recruiting violation like "called five minutes late."
Yeah, or he wanted to destroy all evidence of a continuing scheme under which Rodriguez would take booster (read: Arab oil) money, funnel those funds through tax-free municipal bonds, then send the now-clean cash to trainer Brian McNamee so WVU players could spend their offseasons getting "the Roger Clemens treatment."
You prick. You ballet-dancing, View-watching, Sara Jessica Parker-adoring skirt. I have been mostly joking in this post, but this is a complete misrepresentation of that portion of my post. Here it is in full:
Why would Rodriguez shred all this stuff? (Ohio State fans: because he's a dirty cheater covering his tracks. West Virginia fans: because his one goal in life is to destroy us. Michigan fans: because he knew crazy WVU officials/FOIA-toting fans would go over the documents with a fine-toothed comb and attempt to nail him on every piddling recruiting violation like "called five minutes late.")
What is obviously being communicated: different fanbases will leap to different conclusions because of their inhere
nt biases. What the snipped version communicates: MGoBlog is hopelessly biased.
We ... had the audacity to ... dick ... Arthur Andersen.
Whoops! Bad snippage. My bad. Although this obviously proves Black Heart, Gold Pants is gay for Arthur Andersen.
The kicker, IMO, is that the post is titled "You Can't Spell "Myopic" Without "Michigan Wolverine Football... Yup"; this aggression will not stand coming from a fan of a program who's coach makes six quintillion dollars a year but still places his kid -- already on football scholarship! -- in federally-subsidized low-income housing. Oh, and:
Ten percent of Ferentz's team was arrested for Serious Business this year, and the Hawkeyes have suffered a 44% attrition rate (hey, what do you know: a link that actually points to a post that says what you imply it says) since 2002. Myopic? Myopic? Look in the mirror. You'll see tears and smeared mascara, but only very vaguely because you have astigmatism all up in your ass.
Who's the dick now, dicks?
The Diag notes a kinda-important visit that's no longer happening in February:
Big news on the Terrelle Pryor front - he has changed his official visit date and will head to Ann Arbor this weekend (he was originally scheduled to come in just before signing day).
This is good news. Pryor has three weekends left to get official visits in, but his basketball team has Saturday games on the last two. This upcoming weekend is the last one he can spend the entirety of at a particular. He's serious about Michigan. Reported interest in Oregon and LSU is unthreatening: unless Pryor's going to commit somewhere he's never been he's basically got to fly in and out of these places thousands of miles from his home in a day.
Pryor will in all likelihood attend Michigan's 7PM basketball game against Iowa. For anyone in the area wondering what they can do that will infinitesimally affect Pryor's decision in a positive direction: for God's sake go to the Iowa game. Especially if you are hot or prone to getting extended "We Want Pryor" chants going. Buy tickets here. Buy 4-or-more "Family Packs" here. Purchase colorful posterboard upon which to offer Pryor your firstborn here.
One bit of good news:
Muskegon High School coach Tony Annese said Tuesday afternoon that his former player had decided to return to Michigan for his senior season.
"I had lunch with him and we really talked about getting a degree," Annese said. "And he said that's what he wanted to do."
The only player rumored to be an early-entry candidate we've yet to hear from is Tim Jamison, though he's expected to stay.
It don't matter to RichRod!
West Virginia's ongoing quest to become the most jilted wife in all of jilted wifedom has hit upon a jackpot. Rich Rodriguez only operates at one speed, be it against defenses or documents, and that speed is shred:
Soon after returning to work after the Fiesta Bowl a little more than a week ago, the staff at the Puskar Center found that most of the files â€” including all of the player files â€” that had been stored in Rodriguez's private office were missing. In addition, all of the players' strength and conditioning files in the weight room were gone.
"It's unbelievable. Everything is gone, like it never existed,'' said a source within the athletic department, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "Good, bad or indifferent, we don't have a record of anything that has happened.''
This is obviously sketchy behavior if it's true; given that state's complete mental breakdown about precious favorite son leaving that is not 100%. Jim Carty:
On the other hand, it's fairly common practice in almost all businesses for departing executives to shred and/or remove documents that they believe were confidential and/or document methods that could be considered trade secrets.
Either way, it doesn't ever look good to have your name linked with shredding and missing documents. Whether this story is true or not, at first glance it adds to the image many critics in West Virginia are painting of Rodriguez as a slick opportunist.
And maybe that's the goal. ...
Bottom line? Take the shredding allegations with a grain of salt until someone at West Virginia puts their name to them.
The Free Press has an article up with no additional information.
At this point, all we have are unanswered questions. Questions like:
- Why would Rodriguez shred all this stuff? (Ohio State fans: because he's a dirty cheater covering his tracks. West Virginia fans: because his one goal in life is to destroy us. Michigan fans: because he knew crazy WVU officials/FOIA-toting fans would go over the documents with a fine-toothed comb and attempt to nail him on every piddling recruiting violation like "called five minutes late.")
- Why would WVU let Michigan's coach into the building? (Probably because WVU's AD is full of morons.)
- Corollary to previous question: why would "several" people notice Rodriguez, already announced as Michigan's head coach, shredding documents and make no effort to stop him?
- Why would all these important documents exist only in single hard copy formats? (See answer to previous questions.)
- Corollary to the previous question: do they have computers in West Virginia?
Maybe the files are in the computer.