Wow. AJ Thelen has been "dismissed" from the MSU team. Rumors abound on the internet that his dismissal was at his own choosing.

Thelen, of course, was easily State's best player last year, singlehandedly holding together a thin and inexperienced blueline as an accelerated freshman. He parlayed that performance into a top-10 NHL draft pick (Minnesota). Then... well he showed up out of shape and unmotivated and played like crap all year. And now he's gone, leaving Comley with exactly zero impact players in his recruiting classes.

Thelen had this to say (from the Minneapolis Star-Trib): "I feel the coach has double standards for certain players. I definitely was confident in my schooling and academics was not a problem. I've been eligible all season and would have been next season. He's set in his ways. I tried to work with him and he tried to work with me and it didn't work out."

Could Comley get Willinghammed? Probably not, unless Ash Goldie drags a cop down the street with his car. But he's driving State straight into the ground. It doesn't take a Michigan education to see he's not the man for the job.

So says the Minneapolis Star-Trib. Given the way things are going, though, I'd assume that that's the absolute lowest he'll go.

Dammit. Previously mentioned Honor&Glory, who reported that OH LB Cobrani Mixon had been offered by Michigan, has backed off that statement. H&G does say, however, that he has confirmed that "if Cobrani looks good at the [UM] camp this summer they will offer and he will commit."

Thanks to reader "The Mile" for the pointer.

Shut up. I care. I just can't bring myself to watch it much this year. But I can be roused when there's some goofyass gopher poking his head out of the ground begging to be thwacked down.

What, you say, there is? Ah, yes, I see. The DSR's resident Michigan "expert," Jordan Acker, has popped up and his cartoonish buck teeth await my swift padded mallet rebuke. Let's get it on.

First, let's take stock of Mr. Acker's fact checking. "Tommy Amaker has not beaten a ranked team on the road since February of 2001," writes Mr. Acker. Well, that's certainly an unfortunate fact... uh. Wait a minute. Later, Acker says, "And, finally, when it did, Michigan emerged stronger, with a 12-5 record, and looking, after a road win at top-15 Iowa (granted, in front of about 500 people at Carver-Hawkeye), that this team would take the next step, and make the tournament."

Okay, okay, okay. First, that sentence contains no fewer than seven commas. That's too goddamn many unless you're Faulkner. And you ain't, Jordan. Trust me. Second, uh, it directly contradicts his first sentence. I realize that he didn't get paid for this piece of... writing, but he apparently managed to write the thing without even reading it.

Second, let's take stock of his inside sources. Acker writes, "According to my source close to the team, every bad thing that's been said about this team is completely true." Undoubtedly, this "source close to the team" is probably about as reliable as his previous source that told him that Matt Guttierez was really out because he got in a barfight. Guttierez of course later had surgery on that barfight.

Acker: "Dion quit. So did Courtney. And those two are the reason why they will be watching any tournament on TV come March." Dion, who plays 40 minutes a game flanked by Superstar Dani Wohl (no offense, Dani) and Super-Duper Star John Andrews (again, no offense, John). Courtney didn't quit, he's just Charmin soft and looked like that from Day one this year. Acker's inside source is some drunk guy he met at a Kappa Sig party. In between attempting to totally score with chicks and stuff, he offered his eternal wisdom.

Thirdly, and lastly, let's take cheap shots at Acker's intelligence. I mean, seriously. That sentence had seven commas in it! What the hell? You've got your tepid "Behind The Music" pop culture reference for "humor," your slightly-incorrect big word usage("a plethora of talent"... talent isn't a plural noun), and your stupid sweeping generalizations with nothing to back them up... it's like I'm reading a Drew Sharp column! (ZING!)

I'll just leave you with this Acker beaut on next year: "All five normal starters will return, as well as a deep recruiting class, including Romulus 's Jarrett Smith, whose improvements in his senior season have been drastic."

As well as a deep recruiting class WHAT? You need a goddamn verb! It can't be return unless they fail senior year. "Jarrett" Smith? The same "Jarrett" Smith who's having a maddening up-and-down, inconsistent season with tons of turnovers and shooting problems? That's grammatically, factually, and... uh, spellingly wrong. All in the same sentence.

In conclusion, mgoblog has a new verb:

Acker (v): To do something so mindbogglingly badly that people wonder whether you should be mercy-killed.

I'll use it in a sentence: "Boy, Jim Herrmann sure ackered the Ohio State and Texas games."

(Jordan, baby, if you read this and feebly attempt to respond, remember that this thing was a total ad hominem (that means it attacks you), so sayin' crap about how Amaker's a "looser" ain't gonna help you. This is about you and your subsimian intelligence.)

Great speed, grit, and, uh, ADD.

You can buy his jersey for a mere $225 dollars. (Hobart?)

Missed about a month and half this year with a broken wrist.

His dad, Perry, was the #2 pick in the 1979 draft.

"I think that Granville school is the best school ever."

Anger!

This Pride On Ice thread has brief mention of Turnbull as the best player in a game featuring a... Gopher recruit! Say it isn't so!

My overall ballpark impression: 2nd/3rd liner with some skill. Tough to play against. Good addition.

There's an extensive article on Chad Kolarik up at Hockey's Future, eef you're interested. Also USCHO is reporting that Kessel is indeed going to Wisconsin. Tension!

Update: Oops. I mean Minnesota. Sorry for the confusion, kids. Apparently the big announcement has been put off until tomorrow.