this would be bad if it wasn't LIES
Dammit. Previously mentioned Honor&Glory, who reported that OH LB Cobrani Mixon had been offered by Michigan, has backed off that statement. H&G does say, however, that he has confirmed that "if Cobrani looks good at the [UM] camp this summer they will offer and he will commit."
Thanks to reader "The Mile" for the pointer.
Shut up. I care. I just can't bring myself to watch it much this year. But I can be roused when there's some goofyass gopher poking his head out of the ground begging to be thwacked down.
What, you say, there is? Ah, yes, I see. The DSR's resident Michigan "expert," Jordan Acker, has popped up and his cartoonish buck teeth await my swift padded mallet rebuke. Let's get it on.
First, let's take stock of Mr. Acker's fact checking. "Tommy Amaker has not beaten a ranked team on the road since February of 2001," writes Mr. Acker. Well, that's certainly an unfortunate fact... uh. Wait a minute. Later, Acker says, "And, finally, when it did, Michigan emerged stronger, with a 12-5 record, and looking, after a road win at top-15 Iowa (granted, in front of about 500 people at Carver-Hawkeye), that this team would take the next step, and make the tournament."
Okay, okay, okay. First, that sentence contains no fewer than seven commas. That's too goddamn many unless you're Faulkner. And you ain't, Jordan. Trust me. Second, uh, it directly contradicts his first sentence. I realize that he didn't get paid for this piece of... writing, but he apparently managed to write the thing without even reading it.
Second, let's take stock of his inside sources. Acker writes, "According to my source close to the team, every bad thing that's been said about this team is completely true." Undoubtedly, this "source close to the team" is probably about as reliable as his previous source that told him that Matt Guttierez was really out because he got in a barfight. Guttierez of course later had surgery on that barfight.
Acker: "Dion quit. So did Courtney. And those two are the reason why they will be watching any tournament on TV come March." Dion, who plays 40 minutes a game flanked by Superstar Dani Wohl (no offense, Dani) and Super-Duper Star John Andrews (again, no offense, John). Courtney didn't quit, he's just Charmin soft and looked like that from Day one this year. Acker's inside source is some drunk guy he met at a Kappa Sig party. In between attempting to totally score with chicks and stuff, he offered his eternal wisdom.
Thirdly, and lastly, let's take cheap shots at Acker's intelligence. I mean, seriously. That sentence had seven commas in it! What the hell? You've got your tepid "Behind The Music" pop culture reference for "humor," your slightly-incorrect big word usage("a plethora of talent"... talent isn't a plural noun), and your stupid sweeping generalizations with nothing to back them up... it's like I'm reading a Drew Sharp column! (ZING!)
I'll just leave you with this Acker beaut on next year: "All five normal starters will return, as well as a deep recruiting class, including Romulus 's Jarrett Smith, whose improvements in his senior season have been drastic."
As well as a deep recruiting class WHAT? You need a goddamn verb! It can't be return unless they fail senior year. "Jarrett" Smith? The same "Jarrett" Smith who's having a maddening up-and-down, inconsistent season with tons of turnovers and shooting problems? That's grammatically, factually, and... uh, spellingly wrong. All in the same sentence.
In conclusion, mgoblog has a new verb:
Acker (v): To do something so mindbogglingly badly that people wonder whether you should be mercy-killed.
I'll use it in a sentence: "Boy, Jim Herrmann sure ackered the Ohio State and Texas games."
(Jordan, baby, if you read this and feebly attempt to respond, remember that this thing was a total ad hominem (that means it attacks you), so sayin' crap about how Amaker's a "looser" ain't gonna help you. This is about you and your subsimian intelligence.)
There's an extensive article on Chad Kolarik up at Hockey's Future, eef you're interested. Also USCHO is reporting that Kessel is indeed going to Wisconsin. Tension!
Update: Oops. I mean Minnesota. Sorry for the confusion, kids. Apparently the big announcement has been put off until tomorrow.
Braylon didn't run at the combine, but by all accounts he's making a run at the #1 overall pick. Apparently he walked into the weight room when the running backs were doing their benches and ripped off an impressive 22 reps for no reason--wideouts are not required (or asked) to do benches. Kiper has him #2 and with Mike Williams' mediocre 40s at the combine he's a lock to be the first WR taken. Given the questions around Rodgers and Smith, who both look more like Joey Harrington than Peyton Manning to me, and a guy who's obviously a ridiculous athlete with spectacular downfield ability... well, that might look pretty good to a San Francisco team that needs everything.
Marlin Jackson ran between a 4.55 and 4.6 on the slow RCA Dome track and tested well in all the other drills, but people seem to have mixed opinions on him. I think some team will overlook that 40 time and get him late in the first round and they'll be getting a steal. Marlin, when given the opportunity, is an excellent physical corner. He's got enough speed.
Baas' strength, versatility, and intelligence have him the #1 or #2 interior lineman on most boards. Scouts, Inc. said($) Baas " improved his stock as much as or more than any player at this year's combine to date." He'll probably go in the first half of the second, but Scouts said he could sneak into the late first round.
Shazor? No buzz around him, really. He may look like a LB/SS tweener at the moment I don't believe he ran at the combine. He'll do so at Michigan's pro day. A good time is critical for him. If he can run very well, people will look at a 6'4" guided missile and overlook his occasional coverage issues.
This site has Braylon at 2, Bass at 24, Marlin at 39, and Shazor at 57. They make it clear that their list is not a draft order projection but rather an "NFL success" projection. Which is a total copout.
According to Bill Kurelic, Robby Paris favors Michigan has picked up early offers from BC, Iowa, and Miami... er, Miami(Ohio). An offer is not a sure thing, what with the bonanza at WR the last couple years. Michigan will probably only take one WR this year, maybe two if one can play in the secondary.