1. Troy Smith, Ohio State
Hhhhhhyyyyaarrrrr. 'Tis the Captain of the SS Cheatypants Sweatervest and 'tis a fine leader indeed. But be keepin' yer greased mitts out of any unauthorized treasure chests, if you get my drift, lest the Dread Myles Brand send ye to Davy Jones' locker!
Dwayne Jarrett, USC
Hyyyarrr? Run up the mizzenmast! Set the sails! Rig the jibs!
3. Lamarr Woodley, Michigan
Hhhhhyaarrrr! Landed ye old death blow to the "fighting" Irish when he retrieved an unclaimed piece-of-eight and found the spot marked "X". X for touchdown. HHHHHHYYYARRRR!
4. Steve Slaton, West Virginia
...is a fast landlubber, let me tell you.
5. Dan Bazuin, Central Michigan
I don't know what to do with this guy. He had the most dominating day I've seen from a defensive end in a very long time, but it's often hard to judge a defensive end's impact without watching them, and it's doubtful I see another Central Michigan game the rest of the year. He had a TFL versus Akron. Hhhhyyarrr, McBain!
Sorry, that was lame. I'm trying to get UFR up sometime today.
- RUEBEN RILEY: Was fine -- not great, but fine -- against Victor Abiamiri. Gave Henne enough time to bomb to Mario once, twice, three times a touchdown.
- KICKOFF COVERAGE: Notre Dame got no good returns and fumbled once on their ten (ten! HA!) opportunities to return kickoffs.
- STEVE BREASTON'S TRAITOROUS HANDS: I have to put something from the team on notice, don't I? Steve's dropped slant is about the only thing that can be seriously pointed at as a major difficulty.
- THE NATION: Awwww yeah.
- WEIS E. COYOTE: Now the nickname can return. Look, here's his card: it says "Super Genius." Look, the picture has gone all freeze-frame: it says Coachus Arrogantus in faux-latin at the bottom of the screen. Look: 47-21.
- PUNTING (IN GENERAL): Dude, like, Zoltan, you're totally harshing my Space Emperor buzz with those 37-yard ducks.
Immense thanks to Chris of Dangerous Logic for a package of Michigan-Notre Dame highlights that I have deployed in the service of hilarity:
All hail "Yakety Sax"! All hail Weis!
Reaction everywhere: for some reason, an Irish fan put up an impressive slide show of images from Saturday's game. His reasons are unknown, but the end result is great fun for Michigan fans. Dangerous Logic has put all variety of highlights up on YouTube and captured this outstanding image of Brady Quinn:
That image alone should cost him millions of dollars in NFL signing bonuses.
Elsewhere, Johnny gives the proverbial bird to haterz(!). Maize 'n' Brew echoes my game column, saying "Don't call it a comeback / I been here for years." Stadium and Main chips in; IBFC is back from ferreign parts and has reaction, highlights, and historical perspective on Michigan-ND; Whatevs captures the Carr ice bath; SMQB recaps:
And future Wolverine opponents: if Michigan's between about the 35 and 15-yard-lines, don't leave one guy to cover Mario Manningham, or he'll be crashing into your trombone player in the back of the end zone, and the pain will be transferred to you.
It is the SANDWICH OF VICTORY. Uh... I get some weird things from time to time, but this takes the proverbial cake. A different Dave files this report from South Bend:
I was at the ND/Michigan game thanks to my ND fan friend Matt. After the game, we stayed at his mom's house in South Bend, where she encouraged me to make a sandwich. Well, after the beatdown my Wolverines handed his Irish, I didn't need any more encouragement. SANDWICHES, BITCHES! Some turkey, some cheese, some mustard and mayo.... all there except the ham.
Anyway, I thought y'all might appreciate the photo of this victory sandwich made in the Notre Dame kitchen.
So, without further adieu, the Sandwich of Victory:
God, it's beautiful.
Another onsite report, this one from reader Bill Buhr:
I've been reading your site for several months, and when you put the shirts up, I snagged the Mario one. Anyway, so I rock it yesterday, and needless to say, I'm getting a lot of confused looks. I had a lot of ND people come up to me and ask me what it meant. I'm embarrassed to say a few Michigan fans also weren't sure what it was supposed to represent.
Anyway, after my explanation to a few ND fans, I got the "whatever" look from them. I actually said to one guy "Don't worry, you'll know who he is after the game is over" on a total whim. But I just had a feeling about this one. I think a lot of Michigan people did, you included.
So halftime rolls around, and NOW people get it. I had several Michigan fans staring at it while I was in line getting a hot dog, and they were like "It's INSANE that you have that on right now. You are a PROPHET!" And the ND people, who were still in shock from what they had just witnessed, are now looking at me and just shaking their head. The only parallel I can think of from the ND side would be if a few ND fans printed up shirts that said "Ready for Lift-off" before the 1989 Mich-ND game in Ann Arbor and wore them to the game.
Anyway, the game ends, (a lot of ND people stayed until the bitter end, by the way) and it was pandemonium in the area right behind the Michigan Band. Jake Long's parents were hugging each other and his Mom looked like she was crying. When the Band
played "The Victors" for the final time, and the team came over to sing, I can honestly say that I have never felt more proud to be a fan of this program.
One last thing, I had several ND fans come up to me after the game, shook my hand, and told me "You guys better beat Ohio State this year." They were really classy, and I feel the way the fans of these two teams treated each other yesterday is the way a rivalry should be.
A note: I give the deranged loons at NDNation quite a bit of guff, but I do have to second Bill's assessment of the ND fanbase in person. When I went in '02 they were unfailingly polite.
A second note: buying shirt makes you a prophet. Don't you want to be a prophet?
What are these "other sports" you speak of? Maize 'n' Brew somehow found time last week (last week!) to put up a thorough update on basketball recruiting. WCH has a great post on the idiocy spawned by Jack Johnson's decision to stay in school.
NDNation is the craziest place on the Internet, probably because their moderators treat it like that prison planet from Star Trek... III? V? Whatever. Anyway, I loves me some schadenfreude and you do too. NDNation nukes the board after tough losses to wash away the "whining," but intrepid reporters (me) C&Ped some of the very dumbest thing to show up in the wake of the &*#!ing beat down. They've gone down the memory hole, unfortunately, but I promise you all of these things are real.
If Michigan beats OSU, they're stuck with Lloyd for a while
.... and, uh, probably going to the national championship game.
Charlie is learning that the Big Ten coaches aren't all that bad----and he has been beaten badly now by both Tressel and Carr----and it won't get any better next year---this was the year. Thank God we don't play in the SEC.
...or any other conference.
At least ND and Quinn can now play out the string without the pressure of national title or Heisman trophy aspirations.
Hey, there's something we can all agree on!
Hey, at least we'll still beat Navy.
I am not familiar with all of Michigan's defensive players, but it looked like they had most if not all of their defensive starters in late in the game. When you're up by 27 points with a minute and a half left in the game and we send in our second string offensive, it seems pretty slimy to leave your starting defense in the game.
We ran up the non-scoring!
As disappointing as this loss is/was/will be, do not forget how Pete Carroll struggled in years 1, 2 and 3.
In year two, Carroll struggled to an 11-2 record and Orange Bowl victory over Iowa. In year three, Carroll struggled his way to national championship.
just got back from the michigan game ....sat behind some Michigan fans who were worshipping Satan throughout the game. Classless.
Wait... worshipping Satan? Like how much worship are we talking about? Did they hold a black mass on an altar of nubile flesh? Or did they just go "HAIL SATAN!" at the beginning of the game, immediately watch Prescott Burgess rumble into the endzone, and quickly figure that one soul seemed a fair trade for a #*&ing BEAT DOWN of Notre Dame?
I want to applaud ND's three opponents on their remarkably clean play to date.
After three games, the players from GaTech, PSU and UM have not held a Notre Dame player once while ND has held ten times.
A special shout-out to UM for only commiting one penalty through three quarters of play today (the one early offsides penalty, a call that can't be ignored by the b10 crew).
Thanks. I would like to give you a "shout-out" for turning the ball over five times.
And this is just... well... desperate:
Who is in charge of our footballs? The way the first one went through Carlson's hands made me wonder. He barely slowed it down before it hit his helmet. It reminded me of a basketball game I played when the first pass to me went through my hands because the ball was so slippery. There were a few passes, even one completion where BQ got the nose down on the ball which usually means the ball is slipping out of your grip as you are throwing. And, of course, the big slip when pulling the ball back that went for a UM touchdown. Brand new balls are slippery. They need to be worked on to remove the slime. Colleges get to provide their own balls don't they? That means we should be able to prepare them so they aren't the least bit slippery.
The best part?
(By the way, if there is a problem here I better not read about it as we don't need to be offering up excuses like that for that game)
Implausible Excuses: The Sequel:
Does anyone know if our pregame routine might have resulted in our boys being tired and exhausted? Did they have tests to take this last week that might have kept them up late?
And, uh, file under "My Eengleesh, Ees No So Good":
Did Michigan get called for holding even once? If not, then game tapes should be sent to the head of the officials and ask them to review them.
This is not a "sour grapes" post.
What is these "grapes" you speaking of?
Finally, a commendation for these intrepid readers:
I couldn't help but notice the "ND Returning to Glory since 1993" shirts worn by some of the more obnoxious Michigan fans. I'm thinking of printing my own shirt for next year in AA: "Michigan Football Tradition: One Shared Title in 60 years".
Update: commenter Chris points out that this post is not truly complete without this:
9/16/2006 - Michigan 47(!)-21 Notre Dame - 3-0
They did it, you know. Notre Dame read the damn preview and decided to execute the Plan of Fear outlined therein. They shoved every available player within six yards of the line of scrimmage and dared him. They dared him to do something about it. To prove it.
One double move from The New Math and a ball that sizzled fifty yards through the air before nestling itself between the "8" and "6" that at once seem so wrong and so right on Mario Manningham's jersey, he lined up three dots in a triangle, placed a comma, and said: QED, MFer. This problem is solved. But they asked twice more, and he repeated the proof.
Sometimes -- not always, but sometimes -- Chad Henne is just gangsta like that.
And thus the biggest win since... OSU 2003? Probably farther back in the mists of prehistory than that. Certainly the biggest win since this star-crossed blog came into existence. 47-21. Aided, certainly, by Notre Dame's five turnovers, but when one team is forced to bring every player available within ten yards of Mike Hart to prevent getting ground to bits and the other spends its time definitively proving that Laura Quinn may not have gotten the family's looks but she definitely picked up its balls the outcome of the game is something of a foregone conclusion. As long as Chad dots that triangle. Which he did: quod, erat, and demonstrandum. (via IBFC)
And God, it feels gooooooood. Last year provided but one comparable moment, not coincidentally also delivered by The New Math, and even that was a momentary blip that prevented us from falling under .500. This is different. This is staring at an apparently weak Big Ten with a defense that can be compared to that of 1997 with a straight face for once.
Yes. It's time: 1997. Not to be lost in the point orgy is the 248 yards yielded by a Michigan defense in the full phoenix-bloom of remembered glory that Ron English has brought forth. Even Georgia Tech's blitzing monstrosity yielded almost 400; Penn State's dedication to bending, then breaking held down the possessions enough to keep them under 400. Neither did anything approximating what Michigan did. Notre Dame averaged 4.6 yards per pass and 0.2 per run. Seven of the points yielded were a gift from Henne's first pass; seven more were due to a Hermannesque soft zone on the final drive before the half (English would later say "that's more on me than the players"); Notre Dame's final touchdown was heavily aided by questionable refereeing decisions.
This was domination. Notre Dame totaled four rushing yards. Brady Quinn spent the day attempting to remember where he was, then quickly attempting to pretend he was anywhere else. Sorry, kid: there's no happy place on this field. There are only angry places filled with men named Crable, Woodley, Branch, and Burgess. By the end, Quinn was scrambling from freshman Brandon Graham and cipher Jeremy Van Alstyne, flinging passes anywhere in an attempt to prevent the next crippling blow. It was less fooball and more bloodsport by then.
By the time Crable and Burgess doused Lloyd Carr with a well-deserved shower of ice water, Michigan had demonstrated they are not back but simply here. There is a resiliency in this program dating back to the day Bo took Michigan out against Woody in 1969 and beat the Buckeye monstrosity back to Ohio. You tell them they cannot, and they do. You tell them they don't matter, and they do. They are constant, something that has been more curse than blessing over the past few years, but now Michigan says: I am here. I have been here. I will be here. I have proven that much.